


Guarded//Taekook

by taekookimdead



Category: BLACKPINK (Band), EXO (Band), GOT7, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Kim Taehyung | V, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Established Kim Namjoon | RM/Kim Seokjin | Jin, Flirty Kim Taehyung | V, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Jeon Jungkook & Kim Taehyung | V Are Roommates, Jeon Jungkook Is Bad at Feelings, Jeon Jungkook is a Little Shit, Jungkook hates Taehyung, Kim Taehyung | V & Park Jimin Are Best Friends, Kim Taehyung | V Is Bad at Feelings, M/M, Multi, Park Jimin Is a Sweetheart, Sassy Kim Seokjin | Jin, Sassy Kim Taehyung | V, Smut, not really - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-06-19 22:39:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 58,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15520212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taekookimdead/pseuds/taekookimdead
Summary: Jungkook is a tough, guarded boy.Taehyung is a determined, flirty boy.Taehyung also seems to have his eyes set on Jungkook.What could happen?





	1. Taehyung

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my story :)!!

     "Jiminie, I don't think Yoongi cares." I told him and he shook his head at me. "Um...you're completely wrong! That's just how he acts." Jimin argued. "That's just how he acts? I don't think so sweetie." I gave him a tight smile. "Tae, you wouldn't understand. You've never liked someone like I like Yoongi." Jimin said and I actually felt offended. 

     "What? I've liked plenty of people." I said and he shook his head again. "No, I'm talking about liking someone, not wanting to just get in their pants." He said. "What? You always talk about how you want to get into Yoongi's pants." I argued. "No, I'm talking about wanting to stay in their room the morning after and not sneaking out when they're sleeping." Jimin said, his cheeks tinted red. 

     "Ugh, that's gross." I think about the nights I'm caught leaving and shiver. "Exactly, if I finally got into his pants I would stay the day after." Jimin said. "So basically...stings attached?" I asked to clarify.  "Yes, strings attached." Jimin clarified. "That's gross and no fun." I laughed and he rolled his eyes at me. "Don't you ever want to fall in love or something? You can't just sleep with a bunch of guys for the rest of your life." Jimin asked. 

     "Bet." I raised an eyebrow at him and he mumbled something I couldn't hear. "You know for someone who's never experienced it, you sure do have a heavy opinion on love." Jimin joked. "It's not fun, what's fun in commitment?" I asked. "That one person to make you happy for the rest of your life?" Jimin suggested. 

     I looked at Jimin and pretended like I actually considered his idea. "Hmmm....nah, I'm good." I stuck my tongue out at him and he flicked my forehead. "Ow, you're a meanie." I groaned softly. "You actually made me think I had gotten sense through your broken brain." He said and knocked three times at my forehead. 

     I pushed his hand out the way and pushed him off my dorm bed. I was a lucky one who didn't get a roommate, so Jimin was over almost all the time. His dorm partner was Namjoon, and Jimin said that him and his boyfriend, Seokjin, spent too much time together. "Shut up, I'm suppose to be helping you ask out Yoongi." I reminded him. 

     "Oh yeah, so I shouldn't bake the cake and ask him in icing?" Jimin reminded of his stupid idea and why we were having this conversation in the first place. "No! Just ask him!" I yelled at him, having to look down since he was on the floor. Jimin stood up and brushed himself off, giving me a slight glare. 

    "I can't just ask him, I want it to be special. What if he says no?" Jimin said, I could tell he was starting to worry. "Oh my goodness, we know for a fact Park Jimin that Min Yoongi likes you! If he doesn't then he's literally the dumbest person alive." I reassured Jimin the best I could. "Thanks, Tae. I love you, best friend." He smiled at me. "Love you more." I replied.  
*****  
     I got ready for class and headed out my dorm room. I looked really cute, I was wearing skinny, blue jeans, an oversized pink hoodie, my white sneakers, and my favorite black hat. I was thinking about seeing Hoseok, we have been fooling around lately. He was so hot all the time, it truly amazed me. 

    He's like me though, which makes me comfortable having a continuous thing with him. We've been going at each other since college started and it's been 3 months of fun. I played with the strings of my hoodie and thought about texting him later. It would probably put him at risk of getting caught by the hall monitor, but then again he didn't care. I swear having a hall monitor made me feel like a middle school kid again. 

     "Jungkook..." I turned around to see the voice who said it.  I saw Jennie and she was with another boy. She had her "tour guiding outfit" on so I guess that's what she was doing. My school liked to give tours to new kids so they aren't completely lost. I couldn't see his face because they had turned the corner so fast I didn't notice. I definitely was going to have to see this Jungkook later. 

     I hurriedly headed to my class, feeling exhausted. I could feel myself slowly drifting off, I should've taken a nap before this class. "Aye, Jackson, send me the notes later? I didn't get any sleep last night." I whispered to him and he replied with a simple nod. I proceeded to take a nap and Jackson would probably wake me up later. 

I woke up to arms shaking me, and a vision of blonde hair. I blinked my eyes open to get adjusted to the light change and saw Jackson. He was holding my head up as he an attempt to wake me. I instantly jumped back and slapped his hand out of my face. "Hey, you have no right to be rude to me. I wrote all your notes down and woke you up. I deserve a thank you." Jackson said with proudness. 

I got up and stretched my whole body out. "How about you come to my room at 7 and I'll give you your thank you there?" I gave him an innocent smiled. "Aish, Taehyung! You're too forward." Jackson scolded me. "There's nothing wrong with that." I laughed and he shook his head at me. "You truly are-"

"Jungkook..."

I whipped my head around so fast and saw my professor talking to a boy, the new boy. "Who the hell is that?" I asked and Jackson turned around to look. "You haven't heard about Jungkook? He's so fine, I'm scared for you to hear about him." Jackson laughed but I was too interested in what Jungkook looked like. He was turned around so I could still only see the back of his head and frustration ran through me. My professor and I made eye contact and he dismissed me with his hands. 

"Taehyung, meet me after class tomorrow." He yelled and I nodded. I could see Jungkook start to turn around and I was pulled out the class before I could see him. "Why did you do that?" I asked Jackson once we were outside. "To stop you from saying something stupid and getting yourself in more trouble." Jackson replied. "Ugh, I was so close." I huffed. "What?" Jackson asked and I shook my head. "You wouldn't understand." I said. I didn't want to explain how frustrated I was because I couldn't see Jungkook's face. 

     "Wait, that offer still up for 7?" Jackson smirked and I laughed. "You wish, baby." I winked which left his face a red mess.  
*****  
"Jungkook..." I heard someone say it and this time it was Jimin!

     I approached them and slammed my tray on the table, scaring everyone. "Jesus, what happened to you?" Yoongi asked. "Well, Minty, I have heard the name Jungkook all day and I have no idea who he is!" I answered. "Jiminie, please tell you know him." I begged. 

     "He's in one of my classes, his name is Jeon Jungkook." Jimin said. "Are you kidding me? Forget that Minty is here for a second and look at me. I need you to give me the real description." I grabbed his squishy face, forcing his eyes on me. "He's super hot, he's literally the type of person you'd want to..." Jimin stopped himself when he looked to see Yoongi unhappy. 

     "The type of person you want to what? Speak, Jiminie, speak!" I groaned. "I wouldn't finish that sentence, Jiminie." Hoseok said. "You aren't helping." I grumbled. "I'm not helping you." Hoseok corrected. "Ugh, have you seen him, Hobi?" I asked. "Yeah, you're definitely going to want him." Hoseok answered and I actually got excited. 

"He could be straight, Tae." Jimin reminded me and I laughed. "When has that stopped me before? The "straight" ones aren't usually that straight." I said and they nodded in agreement. "Hey guys." Namjoon approached us. "Hey, where's Jin? He's always with you." I asked when he sat down. "He went back to his room to get a turtleneck...it's getting pretty cold." Namjoon answered but that smirk made me think he wasn't telling the truth. 

"Gross." Yoongi said what everyone was thinking. "Anyway," Namjoon said after laughing. "I just talked to this kid name Jungkook and he's pretty sweet." Namjoon said and my ears perked up at the word "Jungkook". Why was everyone talking about him?

"I swear if I hear that kid's name one more time, I'm going to lose my mind." I sighed. "What's his problem?" Namjoon asked. "He hasn't seen how hot the new kid is." Hoseok laughed. "Yes, it's the funniest situation I've ever been in." I rolled my eyes. "Taehyung? Sarcasm? That's a surprise." Yoongi said sarcastically and I debated strangling him. "Well, I have more research to do." I said and got up. "What are you talking about?" Jimin asked. "I'm going to find out who Jungkook is." I said with a simple smile before walking away. 

"Jennie!" I approached her with a smile. Jennie and I weren't super close but we were still good friends. She was fun to talk to and could be absolutely crazy at parties without getting wasted. "Taehyung, come sit." She gave me a soft smile and patted the spot next to her. 

I came and sat next to her, I quickly smiled at everyone else at the table. "I have questions, Jennie." I said. "I have answers, baby. What do you need?" She asked, bless her kind soul. "You gave a tour to the new boy, right? Give me everything you got." I said and Lisa let out a laugh. "Already trying to sink your teeth in, huh?" She snorted and I laughed as well, I was pretty eager to just see him. 

"Well...He's literally one of the hottest beings I've ever seen. He has such pretty eyes, nice small lips, and a perfect nose as well." Jennie told me. "I have to see him, do you know where he is?" I asked. "Calm down, Taehyung," Jisoo spoke up. "You sound like a stalker." She laughed. "Jisoo, you don't understand how many times I've heard his name through out the day." I complained and she gave me a playful eye roll. 

"I'm pretty sure he's at Burger King, he said that's all he eats for lunch." Jennie answered. "Ugh! This is so annoying." I grumbled. "You'll be fine, I'm sure you'll find him either way. He's not straight anyway." Lisa said and I thought I wasn't hearing correctly. "What? How do you know?" I asked and she chuckled. "You think you're the only one who finds him attractive? Jennie wanted a piece as well, he told her he doesn't swing that way." Lisa said. I turned to Jennie, who was quite red. 

"Is that true? Did that happen?" I asked her and she nodded. "Yes! He's not straight!" I cheered happily. "You are seriously an excited puppy in disguise." Rosé laughed at me. "You have no right to judge me, Park." I teased. "Thanks for the info, Jennie! I'll be seeing myself out." I said with a smile. I gave them all cheek kisses and headed back to my table. 

"Hottie alert!" I heard a very familiar voice yell. I shrugged it off and continued walking, hoping he wouldn't say another word. "Taehyung! Come over here!" He yelled again. I plastered a smile on my face and walked over to his table. 

"What do you want, BamBam?" I asked with no emotion. "Damn, I would hope you're excited to see me." He smiled. 

BamBam was trying to get into my pants since the beginning of time. Everywhere I turned he was flirting with me, and I was hoping he would drop it soon. Don't get me wrong, BamBam is definitely attractive and I would so dive in the Kunpimook pool. I just don't want Yugyeom to drown me while I'm in there. 

I've noticed the dirty glares I get from him, and how he's barely ever said a word to me. I've also noticed how happy he looks with BamBam. Also, Jackson made it very clear BamBam was off limits because of Yugyeom. I'm not the type to sleep with a man I know someone really likes, I'm not that evil.

"I am excited, can't you tell?" I deadpanned. "How about a smile, baby?" He asked. "How about I kick you to Mars?" I sassed. "It's okay, one day you'll hop on the BamBam train." BamBam said proudly. "I'd rather be hit by a different one." I gave him my best sarcastic smile. "Taehyung, one million, BamBam, zero." Jaebum joked. "Shush, Bummie." Youngjae laughed. 

"I'll convince him one day." BamBam said with determination. "One day? More like never." Mark said. Jackson and Jinyoung let out the biggest laugh, they were so extra when it comes to Mark. They were both so obviously into Mark, both secretly fighting for him. It's hilarious that Mark has no idea. 

"Tuan, you're looking good today." I winked at him. "You're not looking bad yourself, Kim." Mark flirted. "You're so cute, I'll see you guys later." I said before blowing a kiss towards Mark. 

I could feel Mark staring at me and the dirty glares from Jackson and Jinyoung. I loved messing with that them, someone is always pinning for someone in that group. 

I came back to my table and gave them all the information I had about Jungkook. "You're literally crazy, Taehyung. I've never seen you this interested in someone since...ever." Jimin laughed. "I'm not crazy, I just like doing research. Can you blame me for being crazy? I've heard his name all day and haven't seen him once." I sighed. "You'll see him, probably sooner than you think." Jin snickered and I realized he was here.

     "What are you on about?" I asked and he gave me an innocent look. "What? Nothing at all." Jin gave me his dazzling smile. "Ugh, you're so confusing." I shook my head at him. "I know, but it's always worth it in the end." Jin winked at me. "Joon, control you're boyfriend." Yoongi said to Namjoon. "He's uncontrollable, trust me." Namjoon said and we all laughed. 

      "Seriously, what were you talking about?" Hoseok asked Jin. "Nothing, Tae will find out later." Jin chuckled to himself. "Are you trying to kill me because I ate the ice cream you were saving?" I asked. "You ate my ice cream? You said Joonie did it!" Jin yelled. 

Shit. 

      "Is that why you ignored me for two days?" Namjoon asked. "I was talking about something different but I'm totally going to have to get you back for that one." Jin smiled evilly and I realized I was screwed. "What? I was joking, Joon really did eat it." I tried to play it off. I could see Jimin facepalm because he knew I was a bad liar. 

     I mean I could lie pretty easily, but my friends could always see through them. "Nice try, Taehyung. I'm getting you back, this is just the beginning." Jin said and walked off dramatically. "Does he know he forgot his food?" Yoongi asked and Namjoon sighed. "I'll bring it to him...again." He gathered up their food and left the table. 

"Imagine dating someone so dramatic." Yoongi said with disgust. "Good thing I'm not at all, because I hate drama." Jimin batted his eyelashes at Yoongi. "Should we gag now?" I asked and Hoseok nodded. We both proceeded to make gagging noises at how gay it was. "This is boring, let's go back to your room." I said to Hoseok. "Uh...alright." He smiled awkwardly. 

"Use condoms." Jimin whispered. "I'll be there for ten minutes, that's not enough time." I winked at Jimin before grabbing Hoseok's arm and walking out the cafeteria.  
*****  
We got into the room and I sat on the bed, it was always comfy. Hoseok grabbed my face and instantly kissed me, making me giggle slightly. He laid me back on bed and started to lift my shirt. "Woah, cowboy! How about we slow this down? I have a class to go to in ten minutes." I pushed him off. Hoseokie, being the respectful person he is, backed off immediately. 

"Ugh, it's been forever." Hobi pouted. "I know, how about you come to my room later and I'll make it up to you?" I smiled cutely. He laid beside me and pressed his cold fingers against my stomach. "You serious?" He whispered in my ear, bitting slightly at the earlobe. "Y...yeah." I shivered as he pressed kisses to my sensitive neck. "Skip a class, baby." He trailed his fingers higher. 

I grabbed his hand and pulled it out my shirt, I quickly moved away from him before he could plant another kiss. "Meet me at my room at 8." I said and walked out the room before he could reply. 

Stupid Hoseok, I hate that he's hot, I thought with an eye roll. I made my way to my class and sat next to Jaebum. 

"What's up, Bummie?" I said as I sat down. "Why are you here early? There's another five minutes." He asked. "I could ask you the same thing." I replied. "I'm getting my notes ready and so that it's easier to take more." He said. "Wow, you really have the "sexy nerd" thing down." I laughed as he turned red. "Thanks...I guess." He laughed awkwardly. "No wonder." I accidentally said out loud. "No wonder what?" He asked and I shook my head to dismiss what I said. 

No wonder Youngjae likes your nerdy ass, I thought with a laugh.  
*****  
I exited the class quickly, eager to get to Hobi. I practically ran to my room because I was so ready. It's been more than a week and Hoseok was too good in bed for it to be wasted. When I got there he was already leaning up against my door. 

"Eager to see me, baby?" He chuckled and it was so hot. "A little." I giggled as I approached him. He grabbed my hips and suddenly my back was on the wall. "I've been waiting for more than a week for this." He said as he kissed down my neck. "That's great and all but we're in public, I don't want to die." I half smiled. 

"Unlock the door then." He said and I fumbled for my keys. I got them out and opened the door. Hoseok quickly picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He kissed me softly and closed the door with his other hand. 

Hoseok sat me down on the bed and pulled off my shirt, that's when I heard a noise. "What the hell was that?" I asked and Hoseok shrugged. "It was probably nothing." He replied before taking off his shirt and kissing down my body. 

I arched my back slightly towards the touch and moaned slightly. I lifted myself up to kiss his neck, but instead I screamed when I saw a person sitting on the bed across the room. 

"Who the hell are you?" I yelled. Hoseok threw my shirt at me and quickly put his on. "Um...this is extremely awkward. I'm your new roommate." He scratched the back of his head, why did he look familiar? It wasn't his face, there was just something about him. 

I pushed Hoseok off of me to get a better look at him. I was literally surprised at how beautiful he was. He has round, big, brown eyes and small lips, but it was all perfect. "What's your name?" I asked. 

"Jungkook."

Gasp. 

"You're fucking joking."


	2. Jungkook

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: The Chanyeol Jungkook is talking about IS NOT the Chanyeol from Exo. The Chanyeol he’s talking about is a Taehyung look a like basically.

     "You're fucking joking." The boy said, mouth opened wide. What? Did I know him? He looked like someone I knew. "Nope...I'm Jeon Jungkook." I smiled awkwardly. I looked at the boy next to him, he looked angry but also kind. I guess he was mad that I interrupted them about to get it on. "Hobi, go to your dorm. We can do things later." The shirtless boy said.

 

     "Fine, I'll see you later Taehyung." Hobi pulled Taehyung in for a kiss and I looked away awkwardly.

 

      Wait...Taehyung? I've heard that name from so many people. Was this guy that everyone said was going to come after me? How could he do that if he has a boyfriend? "You look like you're thinking hard." He commented. "Um...maybe just a little." I said. My whole body boiled when I looked at him for some reason, he reminded me of him.

 

     "What are you thinking about?" Taehyung asked with a smirk. I had the biggest urge to eye roll and tell him to leave me alone. "Nothing, I'm going to bed." I tried my best not to sound annoyed but it was uncontrollable. "Oh, goodnight!" Taehyung smiled at me. "Night." I forced a smile back. Why did they look so alike? I wondered.

 

      I escape from my hometown, go to college, and leave my abusive ex just to find his lookalike. That's so amazing! I wonder how terrible my luck with get here because this is top of the list.

***

     "Taehyung!" A voice screamed, waking me from my sleep. I was not the type to be woken up like this. "Whoever you are, shut the fuck up." I groaned. "Who the hell? Jungkook?" The voice said. I opened my eyes and saw Jimin, his pink hair coming into view. "Jimin? What are you doing here?" I asked, my voice came out weird.

 

     "What am I doing here? What are you doing in Taehyung's room? Did you guys sleep together? More importantly, he let you stay in the room afterwards?" Jimin bombarded me with questions that I didn't even understand. "We're roommates. I did not bang him and I wouldn't have if we did." Taehyung answered for me. I sat up and saw him fresh out the shower, towel wrapped around his waist, and hair still wet.

 

     I couldn't deny he was hot, but his face annoyed me for a reason. "You have a roommate now? Rest in piece, Jungkook. Taehyung is going to drive you insane." Jimin laughed and I forced a laugh. He already is, I thought to myself. "Let's go get breakfast, would you like to come with us?" Taehyung asked. "No." I said shortly, I really needed to learn how to control my anger. "Damn, I guess you're grouchy in the morning." Taehyung shrugged simply. "I guess so." I said back and rolled back over.

 

     They even sounded similar! I swear that's secretly him coming back to torture me more. Maybe that's him but both our memories are wiped, except I have a couple left. "Come on, Jungkookie. When is your first class?" Jimin asked. "Ten in the morning." I answered. "Perfect! It's only eight in the morning right now. You go take a shower, Taehyung and I will be waiting for you here." Jimin gave me a sweet smile.

 

     Hm...he was kind of cute but not my type. "Fine." I gave in because I was pretty sure they weren't going to quit. "Yay! Hurry up now." Taehyung cheered. I kept the smile on my face when all I wanted was for him to shut up. I hopped in the shower and tried to think of ways to not to hate Taehyung just because of his face. They just looked so similar that they could honestly be related. What if they were?

 

I wondered how I could ask that without being creepy. I ran the water through my hair trying to forget all thoughts about Taehyung and...him. I hopped out the shower and wrapped a towel around my waist. I brushed my teeth and looked for my clothes. My face burned as I realized that I forgot them and would have to go out and get one.

 

     I opened the bathroom door and walked out. I heard the audible gasps and my face felt hotter. I grabbed my clothes as quickly as I could and practically ran back into the bathroom. I just dressed in a white shirt and gray sweatpants like usual. I did my hair and looked myself in the mirror. I saw so many flaws...my eyes were too big, my lips were too small, the acne, etc.

 

      My body was also weird and my personality sucked, I was learning to love myself I guess. I have to go through the process twice since someone broke it one too many times. It was weird going through this process again, but it would finally be the last time. I'll learn to love myself by myself this time so no one can break my confidence.

 

     "Jungkook, are you done?" I gasped at the voice, they were too much alike. It felt like he was on the other side of the door, ready to welcome me into false hope and heartbreak. Anger boiled me into my chest, my whole body was shaking with anger. I bawled up my first tightly, all I could feel was anger.

 

     I was angry because he ruined everything for me. He ruined flowers, Saturday's, affection, my confidence, my love of drawing, and more. Everything was associated with him made me so angry.

 

I hated that I loved him.

 

I hated that I still miss him on Saturdays sometimes.

 

I hated the fact that I could still feel him, hear him, and remember everything without him even being here.

 

I hated myself for loving him.

 

     "Jungkook?" Taehyung said again and the urge to scream was so strong. "Y...yeah. I'm coming." I grunted out, trying not to sound so angry. I opened the door and Taehyung wasn't there. I thanked God that he wasn't there, I'm pretty sure I would've punched him. "You look hot, but don't tell Yoongi I said that. Let's go!" He complimented me and I wasn't sure how to take it.

 

     I just gave him a simple smile and walked past him. "You know where the cafeteria is right?" Taehyung asked and I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, I got a tour." I said with annoyance clearly laced in my tone. Taehyung looked surprised but it was quickly replaced with confusion.

 

     I'm not the type to talk about my feelings, especially with people I just met. I could attempt to not be mean to Taehyung, but with Taehyung looking so much like him it was hard not to. I also couldn't explain to him why I was so angry when I saw him, that would've been a terrible conversation starter.

 

      Hey! You look exactly like my abusive ex, sound like him, and even act like him! I think that's making me kind of hate you. I would then finish off with a laugh and punch his shoulder softly. Yeah...I don't think it would go well at all.

 

     My comment made everything go silent and I could feel the awkward tension. It was so thick I could cut it with a knife. "Well, we should go." Jimin said softly and with that we all walked out the dorm room.

 

     Jimin and Taehyung were attached at the hip, hugging all over each other. I wondered what Taehyung's boyfriend thought of this. I also wondered what Jimin's boyfriend thought of this also, if he has one. "Where'd you come from, Jungkookie?" Jimin asked. "I came from the US but I was born in Busan." I answered. "Really?" Jimin gasped. "That's where I'm from!" He exclaimed.

 

     "That's cool!" I tried to sound enthusiastic. "How old are you?" He asked the question I was dreading. For some reason, I was always the youngest in every group, I bet I would be the youngest here. "18." I said dryly, preparing myself for the comments about me being young.

 

     "I'm 19! I was born in Busan first." Jimin chuckled. "I'm still taller than you." I sassed. "You still have to call me hyung, actually you have to call our whole group hyung." Jimin laughed. "Do you guys do it?" I asked and they shook their head no. "Why do I have to do it?" I questioned.  "Jimin and I are both the same age, and that makes you the ultimate youngest. Jin is going to have so much fun with this." Taehyung giggled and Jimin laughed with him.

 

     "Jin? Is that Namjoon's boyfriend?" I asked. "I forget you're new, there's many things you need to know." Jimin said. "Keep it to yourself, Jiminie. I don't think he cares." Taehyung stated.

 

     What the hell does he know? Maybe I want to hear about things I apparently need to hear. He knows nothing and he's going to decide things for me? I'm a big boy, I can make my own decisions, I ranted in my head. "Actually," I spoke up. "I want to hear what Jimin has to say." I barked, sending a glare at Taehyung. "Jeez...I just didn't want him to bore you." Taehyung murmured and I suddenly felt bad. "Well, clearly I won't bore him! So, here's what's going down..."

 

      I completely blocked out mostly everything Jimin said, I had that skill. It started after my friends from home tried to convince me to break up with him so many times. After the tenth time it was mentioned I just started blocking out everything they were saying. It was stupid of me, but I was too far in love to listen to anything.

 

     One of my biggest regrets, I'm pretty sure they got tired of me no matter how many times they said they didn't. The sighs and pity in their voice had been enough for me to know. "BamBam is Yugyeom's love..."

 

     I just watched Jimin's plump lips move, wishing I had them. They were way better looking than my small ones. I wished I had Jimin's face in general, it was clearly more attractive than mine. He has fluffy pink hair, extremely white teeth, his teeth were almost perfect except for the one slightly crooked one in the front, and his smile attractively brightened up his face.

 

      He looked so much like a bottom that I couldn't like him. I didn't want to top all the time. I nodded my head  and started to tune in what he was saying. "That's basically everything! Also, remember never to cross Jin. He will kill you." He warned with a smile, his eyes disappearing. "Uh...okay." I said after I finished ignoring he just said.

 

     "Well, we've reached the cafeteria. You can go get breakfast, and sit with us if you want." Jimin said but his tone was too hopeful for me to say no. "Yeah, I'll sit with you guys. I don't eat breakfast so how about I sit with you guys now?" I suggested. "Alright! Follow us." He chirped. I followed to a table full of attractive people. I recognized Namjoon and instantly smiled, he was super sweet.

 

     "Jungkook? Hey!" He smiled at me and gave him a wave. I noticed Taehyung's boyfriend glaring at me, I think. "Hey! Jiminie." A quite pale boy with green hair smiled at Jimin and patted the seat next to him. Taehyung sat next to Hobi and there was one seat available on the other side.

 

     I stood there awkwardly not knowing whether to sit or not. "Jungkook, there's a seat next to Hoseok. You can sit there." Namjoon said softly. I only nodded and sat next to Hoseok, feeling completely out of place.

 

     This group looked like they've know each other for years, they way they spoke to each other made you think they knew each other since childhood. "Someone tells me you're a little young, Jungkook." Hobi smirked. "What? You're a young one? You will only address me as Jin Hyung or Hyung." Jin smiled proudly. "Um...alright." I mumbled.

 

     "Jin, stop it. You can call him old man for all we care. I'm Yoongi." Yoongi said to me with a smile and I returned. "Ah, you're Jimin's boyfriend." I stated. "What?" Jimin opened his eyes wide and I realized I made a mistake. "Nope, but I will be soon." Yoongi chuckled and redness ran across Jimin's face.

 

     "Yes, finally!" Hobi squealed next to me. The group started laughing and screaming, I've never felt so out of place in my life. They were so full of life and happiness, and I was so dull. I use to be full of life, but nowadays I can't be that bright person I use to be.

 

     "You're from the US, right? What's it like?" Jimin asked and all heads turned towards me. "Oh, it's not as special as I thought it would be. I honestly think it would have been better if I stayed in Korea. I wouldn't have people asking me where I'm from every five minutes." I told them and they laughed. I didn't say anything funny so I was quite confused when they laughed.

 

     "Don't you miss the America air?" Taehyung asked. I looked at him for a while and seeing his face made me want to scream no. He looked so much like him that it was almost a pain to look at him, and I would have to do so everyday.

 

     "Not really." I mumbled and looked down at the table, no longer interested in looking into Taehyung's eyes. The table fell silent and I suddenly felt like a burden. I swear I ruined everything I got involved in with my depressing attitude. This group is so full of life and joy and then I come in and make it sad. "I'm going to the bathroom." I said when I felt a familiar sting in my eyes. "Do you know where it is? I could take-"

 

     "No...thank you. No, thank you. I know where it is." I cut Taehyung off harshly but soften my tone. He was just the last person I wanted to look at, the last person I wanted to be around right now. I lied straight through my teeth because I actually had no idea where the bathroom is. I blocked Jennie out after she showed me where my classes are, where my dorm is, and where the cafeteria is. I decided to go back to my dorm instead of wasting time looking for a bathroom.

 

     I was a sobbing mess once I reached the dorm. I hated crying but I just couldn't seem to stop. I looked at the clock and it was only nine, at least I had an hour to cry my eyes out. I hated being around things that reminded me of him and Taehyung did an amazing job at reminding me.

 

     I couldn't be here but I couldn't be home. He was right when he said that no matter where I'll go I can never escape him. I'll always hear his words and always feel the pain. I'll remember all the insults because they seem to be printed in my brain every time I look at myself. He would always be apart of him, he would always make me suffer.

 

I would just have to accept it all.

 

     "Jungkook?" A soft voice said and I quickly threw the blanket over me. "What?" My voice cracked. "Hey, it's alright. It's Jimin, I figured since you weren't in the bathrooms you would be in your room." Jimin's voice became louder as he became closer. I instantly wiped my tears, I didn't want him to see me cry.

 

"Leave me alone, Jimin." I said bitterly. Jimin pulled at the covers but I kept them over my head, I couldn't be weak. I couldn't be weak ever again. "Alright, keep the covers on. What's bothering you?" He asked. "Nothing." I lied. There was a moment of silence, I would've thought he left if I couldn't feel him sitting on he bed.

 

"Um...alright. Just know that no one thinks you're weird or anything. My group is just very use to each other, so we easily leave others out on accident. I'm sorry if you didn't feel included, you can always sit with us." He explained.

 

Words didn't come out my mouth but I appreciated what he said. I couldn't believe it, no matter how much I wanted to.

 

I bothered everyone, I was annoying to everyone. It's something I learned and something that's going to stick with me forever. I'm annoying and a burden, always have been and always will be. "See you in class, Jungkookie." Jimin said and I could feel him getting off the bed.

 

I wanted to say thank you, but I was contradicted. I didn't want him to know I was thankful because that would mean I owe him something. "Thank you." I said in the quietest whisper that I barely even heard it.

****

When class time rolled around I debated skipping it. I was a new student so obviously it would give a bad impression if I skipped. I threw the covers off me and went to go look in the mirror. There wasn't a trace that I had been crying, thankfully.

 

I walked out of the room and unexpectedly ran into Namjoon. "Oh, hey hyung." I greeted. "Hey, Kook. You alright?" He asked and I nodded. "Yeah, just got a little homesick." I lied. "Right...see you at lunch!" He smiled. "Lunch?" I repeated and he nodded. "Yeah, we like you sitting with us. You may not talk much, but having you there feels right." Namjoon patted my head softly. I grabbed his arm and snatched it off my head, I hated being touched.

 

"I'll see you at lunch." I gave him my best smile. He seemed confused by my actions, but I guess at the same time he didn't care. "Yeah, see you there." He smiled and went walking off into the other direction.

 

I realized I was probably late for class and just decided to skip it. I went back to the dorm and decided that would be best.

 

Silence.

 

The room was filled with silence, and I hated it. I wanted to be alone, but I didn't want to be lonely. I hated silence but I couldn't help but surround myself in it. I felt like I was living in a bubble by myself. I couldn't trust anyone, I couldn't be too comfortable around anyone, and everyone I ever trusted threw the trust right back into my face. I left with barely any friends and it's probably how I'm going to leave here.

 

Silence.

 

     My thoughts consumed each other. One bad thought, then another, then another, then another, and another, and more. My brain hates itself, reminding me of every mistake I've ever made. Thoughts came flooding in and suddenly I was caught in a flashback.

 

    _"Babe, what are you talking about?" He laughed, he was trying to play it off but I wasn't laughing. "You're cheating on me, I saw the texts." My heart broke as I said those words. He was my first love, my first kiss, and even my first time. "Why would I cheat on you?" He pulled me closer to him, engulfing me in his scent._

_I wished I could stay here forever, I thought but I knew what had to be done. I put my hand on his chest to stop him from kissing me. "We have to break up." I whispered. I looked up and saw the heartbreak on his face. "What do you mean we have to break up? You want to break up with me?" He asked and I shook my head. I didn't want to break up with him, but I just knew I couldn't be with a cheater._

_"Why would you say that to me, baby?" Tears started to fill his eyes and he broke down into tears. "I can't be with a cheater, you've know that since the beginning." I whispered, my heart felt so heavy in my chest. There was a sob in my throat but I couldn't cry. "Kookie, who's going to love you?" He asked and it caught me off guard. "What?" I asked him._

_"Baby, no one is ever going to love you but me. Do you know everything you put me through? You can be so annoying, boring, and a downright burden sometimes. Do you think anyone else is going to put up with that but me?" He explained and I was in shock._

_"Y...you're wrong." I stuttered out, I can't believe he would say something like that. "Kookie, you and me both know the truth. I put up with you because I love you too much. No one else will ever love you like this, like I do." He concluded. Tears rolled down my cheeks and maybe he was right. I was a burden and I was annoying, maybe he truly was the only one who could put up with me._

_"I would die without you, Jungkook." He said, it was something he always said. "What do you mean?" I asked. "If you left me, I would kill myself." He stated. The tears I was holding back erupted out of me. He couldn't really mean that._

_"You...you...you don't mean that." I stammered. "What makes you think I don't?" He growled, angry. "I don't...forget what I said. I'll always be with you." I smiled softly even though I felt like throwing up. I felt trapped but I was in love, I had fallen to deep._

_"I love you, Jungkook."_

_"I love you, Chanyeol."_

 

I shook the scene out my head, after that everything went downhill. It was constantly on and off, constant fights, and constant abuse I didn't deserve. I'm sure enough of myself that I know that I didn't deserve the things he would say to me, the bad part was trying to convince myself what he said wasn't true.

 

I was stupid enough to fall, I have to be smart enough to pick myself up.

*********

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :) hope you enjoyed !!!


	3. Taehyung

I walked in the room after breakfast and saw Jungkook sitting there. I should probably caution myself after he snapped at me, but I was too annoying to do that. 

"Hey." I practically whispered. He looked up at me and I swear he glared at me. Jungkook has been weird around me, and I was getting pretty annoyed. I've barely said words to him and every time I do, he gives me the cold shoulder. He's always speaks so coldly to me, but his tone is different when talking to the others. 

It's especially soft talking to Jimin. I'm not saying I'm jealous but it's quite confusing. He doesn't know me and he already doesn't like me. "Shouldn't you be in class? It's past ten." I asked but I was ignored, he probably ignored my "hey" as well. "I didn't know you were deaf." I mumbled. 

"What?" He said quickly after and his harsh tone made me jump. "Nothing, calm down." I said. I wasn't the type to let someone be rude to me, but I didn't want to start anything. "You said something." Jungkook raised his voice. "I didn't know you were deaf, that's what I said." I told him. "Next time say it." He mumbled but I heard it. 

I wanted to ask him what the fuck he was mad about, but he was probably just having a bad day. Namjoon told us that he was homesick so he probably just missed the US. I had a couple hours until I went to my other class, the class I think Jungkook is in. "When's you next class?" I asked. "Two o'clock." He answered. I rolled my eyes at his tone, could he drop the attitude?

I looked at the clock and it was only eleven. That means three more hours in this room with Mr. Angry, amazing. I sighed to myself and pulled out my phone. 

To: The love of Jimin's Life 

Hey, you busy?

From: The love of Jimin's life 

Nah, why? 

To: The love of Jimin's life

Come over ?

From: The love of Jimin's life 

Sure lol 

I grinned at the phone, at least Yoongi would be here. I would've texted Hoseok or Jimin but I know they're busy. I didn't want to talk to Namjoon and Jin because they would start making out and ignore me. They were fun together but they were so much better to talk to separately.

    I heard a knock on the door and ran to it. "Did you invite someone?" Jungkook asked but I ignored it like he ignored me. "Hey, Minty." I greeted and he rolled his eyes. "How many times have I told you not to call me that?" He asked and I laughed. "How many times have I told you that I like annoying people?" I mocked. 

     "Clearly coming here was a mistake." Yoongi sighed. "You're here now, no escape." I grinned and pulled him in. "Hey, Jungkook." Yoongi greeted him and Jungkook looked up. 

    His big, brown eyes looked at Yoongi and his lips curved into a small smile. "Hey, hyung." He said, voice softer. "You don't have to call me hyung, you probably didn't call people that in the US." Yoongi laughed. I noticed the small smile that was on Jungkook's face went away, he must really miss the US. 

    Goddamn that boy was fine, if he didn't dislike me so much I'd be all over him. "Oh okay." He said simply and went back to looking on his phone. "Why did you even call me over here?" Yoongi turned to look at me. "I'm bored." I answered. "Um...Jungkook is here." Yoongi stated the obvious.

     There was an awkward silence that fell upon us. Obviously, they haven't notice how Jungkook isn't completely fond of me yet. "Well, two is company and three is a party." I giggled nervously, knowing Yoongi was going to leave any minute unless I convince him to stay. "Well, you guys can go back to being company because one is leaving." Yoongi laughed. 

    "Wait," I grabbed his arm before he could walk past me. "I'll show you ugly pictures of Jimin." I sighed. 

     If there was anything Yoongi loved more than Jimin, was ugly pictures of him. I could see the way his face lit up and he sat on my bed. "Alright, lets get started." He patted the spot next to him. I whipped out my phone and looked up the "Ugly Jiminie" album on my phone. 

     About a hour later, Yoongi was crying from laughter. "How can someone be so hot and ugly at the same time?" He held his stomach from too hard. "Honestly, even as his best friend I don't know." I laughed with him. I looked at Jungkook and we made eye contact. 

     I felt bad for leaving him out, maybe that's why he disliked me. "Hey, Kookie. Come see this." I called him over. "What did you just call me?" He asked, eyes blinking rapidly. "Kookie." I said again, laughing slightly. His face was red but I didn't know if it was anger or not. "Don't call me that, I don't like it." He spat harshly. 

    I only nodded, my mood dropping slightly. "Whatever, come look at these photos." Yoongi said while still laughing. Jungkook rolled out of bed and sat next to Yoongi. I handed the phone to Yoongi so that we could both see. "What the hell?" Jungkook started to laugh. 

    It was cute seeing Jungkook laugh, he's so cute. "He's so weird." Yoongi giggled. "Tell me about it." I laughed with him. There was another knock on the door and Jungkook got up to answer it. "Hyung, what's up?" I heard Jungkook say to the person. "Yoongi is here?" Jimin came into view and I snatched my phone from Yoongi. "Wait a minute, what is Yoongi doing here? I only know two reasons he would be here, if I was here and if you were showing him ugly photos of me." Jimin glared at me. 

     "Tae! I'm going to kill you!" Jimin whined after my silence basically confessed for me. "He wanted me-"

    Yoongi stood up and walked to Jimin, grabbed his face and kissed his lips. "I realized that you are the person I'm going to fall in love with. Please, go out with me." Yoongi confessed. 

    "W...I mean....yes!" Jimin screamed with excitement. "I have a class to go to, boyfriend. See you later, babe." Yoongi kissed his lips again and turned around. Yoongi's usually pale skin was now slightly red, but his gummy smile was very visible. I looked at the situation in shock, but I was still smiling so hard that my cheeks hurt. 

    "Can you...? Can someone confirm that just happened?" Jimin squeaked out. "Hyung, it happened." Jungkook clarified. Jimin let out a cheerful laugh and started happy dancing. "Min Yoongi is my man! That's happiness." Jimin exclaimed. "I'm so happy for you." I stood up to hug him. 

     "I'm going to go and scream to people that Min Yoongi is my boyfriend." Jimin smiled widely. "Wait, why did you come in the first place?" I asked. "I came to see why Jungkook skipped his morning class, but now I don't care. Min Yoongi is my boyfriend, and I want to scream it." Jimin smiled and skipped out the room. 

    The door closed and all I could here was "Min Yoongi is my freaking boyfriend!" on the other side of it. I laughed hard at my best friend, I was so happy for him. 

    "Are your friends always this dramatic?" Jungkook asked me with a smile, which only made this day brighter. "Yes." I giggled.   
*****  
     It was finally class time, and I was so excited to get out of my dorm. I know I'm a grown man and could've went somewhere earlier, but I didn't have a reason to go anywhere else. 

After Jimin and Yoongi left, Jungkook and I exchanged a few words. He went back to being annoyed of me and ignored me after a few laughs. I seriously wonder what I did to that boy. I haven't done anything wrong, or at least I don't think I did. It was seriously starting to dampen my mood, I wasn't use to this. 

     "You ready?" I turned to smile at him. I was ignored again and I huffed in annoyance. "I know you heard me, Jungkookie." I laughed slightly. "Ready for what?" He barked out. "Class, we have the same class." I reminded him. "Oh...I'll go another time." He shrugged. "You have to go, you don't want to make a bad impression on this professor." I smirked. 

     "I'll do what I want, Taehyung." He grumbled. "Hmm...alright." I backed off, I clearly wasn't getting through his head. I head out the door, annoyed. 

     "Taehyung, what's up?" Jackson smiled at me when I came in the room. "Annoyance, that's what's up." I answered. "What? What's up?" He asked when I sat next to him. I told him all about my Jungkook problem. "I can't tell the group because they'll either think I'm delusional or start disliking Jungkook." I ended my rant. 

     "Wow...how about you make him like you?" Jackson suggested. "What?" I was clearly confused. "Make him like you." He repeated, more confident this time. "Jackson, are you stupid?" I laughed slightly. "Tae, you have this ability to flirt at anytime you want. Have you even tried flirting with him? What I've noticed from your rant is that you've barely talked to him. How can you possibly change his mind if you don't try to?" Jackson explained. 

"You're right!" I gasped. "Mr. Kim, have you forgotten where you are?" The professor yelled at me. "Just a little." I giggled slightly. "Meet me after class." He grumbled and went back to talking about the notes. 

I couldn't even pay attention to what Professor Park was saying because I was so focused on Jackson's idea. It actually sounded like a good idea. I mean when has anyone ever resisted the charm of Taehyung? I smiled to myself because Jungkook had no idea what he had coming. 

Get him to like me? Sounds good.   
****  
"Taehyung, come here." Mr. Park said after the whole class left. "Yes, Mr. Park?" I gave him a cute smile. "You were bad during my class, I would appreciate it if you weren't so talkative." He lectured. "Sorry, sir." I apologized with a smirk. "Are you meeting anyone for lunch?" He asked. 

The smirk on my face turned into a closed mouth smile. "Nope." I said and popped the "P". "Are you busy?" He took a step closer to me. "Nope." I repeated. He close the space between us and wrapped his arm around my lower back. "You want to have some fun?" He whispered in my ear. "Okay." I panted softly.   
***  
     "See you later, Taehyung." Mr. Park winked at me. I put my shirt over my head and winked back. "I'll make sure you do." I let out a cute giggle. I left the class with a bounce in my step, I've done it so much that the pain afterwards no longer affected me. 

"There's ten minutes of lunch left, what could you have possibly been doing?" Jimin said when I sat down. "You smell like...sex." Hoseok sniffed me. "That's the way you guys greet me? Can't you just be happy I'm here?" I chuckled. "Who was it?" Yoongi asked. "One day you're going to catch something." Jin warned. 

"Who was it though?" Namjoon asked. "Aren't you scared of diseases?" Jimin added on to Jin's thoughts. "Who was it?" Hoseok asked. 

"Jesus, why do you all have to ask so many questions? I'm not going to catch anything and I can't tell you who it was." I smirked. "You're totally banging a professor." Jin gasped. "What? No way." I tried to hide my smile. "Liar! Which one is it?" Jimin asked. "Why? Do you need to know for certain reasons?" I teased. "What? Tae, you're trying to change the subject." Jimin caught me. "What if I am? I don't want you guys to know." I smiled to myself. 

Jimin's jaw dropped and Yoongi had to pick it up for him. "What Jimin is trying to say is, how could you not tell your best friend?" Yoongi said for him. "Gosh, I'm in love." Jimin gushed. Jimin quickly became distracted by Yoongi and I thought it was the perfect time to change the subject. 

"Seriously, who's the guy?" Hoseok asked me. "That's for me to know, can't give out my source." I joked. "You're lucky you're cute Taehyung, otherwise you would be super annoying." Hoseok laughed. 

I laughed with him but deep down that kind of hurt. I've always been okay with how I looked because I've gotten compliments all my life, but the insults about my personality really hurt. I wasn't necessarily my true self around others, my true self was more annoying and weird. 

I'm not the type to say I'm insecure, but I get incredibly sensitive when it comes to my personality. I laughed to the jokes that were made for the rest of lunch, I suddenly didn't want to talk anymore.   
***  
     "Hi, Bummie!" I greeted him with a smile. "Hey, Tae, you look happy." Jaebum laughed. God, he was so attractive. Why did Youngjae have to claim him? It was so unfair! 

     Jaebum's group was made up of such fine boys, it made me mad they were all secretly in love with each other. "Bummie," I said in a soft voice. "What do you think of Youngjae?" I gave him an innocent smile. Apparently Youngjae has been in love with Jaebum for years. I was told that they have been best friends since kindergarten. There was no way Jaebum never thought about not doing something with Youngjae. 

     Youngjae looked like a ray of sunshine but he was secretly super hot, his smile just throws people off. "W-why you asking about Youngjae?" He asked. W-why are you stuttering, I thought in my head but decided to keep it to myself. "Hmm...he's gotten kind of cute lately. I was just wondering if he's good in bed." I lied. 

     "W-what? Why would I know that?" Jaebum blushed. "You're telling me you never hit that? Damn, I thought you were smart, Bummie." I teased. "N-no, I would never. We're just friends." He stammered. I could clearly see the lies through his red face and the way he wouldn't meet my eyes. 

     "I'd bet he'd be so good, don't you? The way he would ride a-"

     "Shut up, Taehyung." Jaebum whispered. "I think I might just see him after class, so you probably shouldn't be in your dorm room. Just a warning." I patted his arm and giggled. 

You're welcome, Youngjae, I smiled to myself.   
***  
After class, I headed for Youngjae's dorm. I knocked on it and his little sunshine face opened it, having no idea what I was going to do. "Hey, cutie." I bopped his nose. "What are you doing here, Tae?" Youngjae asked. "Well...have you ever thought about hooking up with me?" I asked simply. 

Youngjae's face heated up quickly, and a nervous laugh passed his lips. "Excuse me?" He chuckled. 

I huffed, he was bad at making this look real. Well, he didn't know what I was doing so I guess I can't really blame him. 

But still. 

"Youngjae, have you ever thought about hooking up with me?" I took a step closer to him. I could hear him take a sharp inhale, and breathing out slightly. "I can't say no." He mumbled and I had to hide the shock. 

"What if we did it now?" I grabbed his hand. "But I can't." He pulled his hand out of mine. "Why not, Youngjae?" I lifted his chin with one finger. "I can't b-because it wouldn't be fair to Jaebum." He sighed. I had to hold back the smile I was holding. "Why not?" I asked, trying to sound disappointed. "He's has to be my first, even if I wasn't his." Youngjae said with certainty. 

"I don't understand, why would you wait for him?" I was actually asking, but partly I wanted him to say it out loud. I wanted him to hear himself and realize that he needs to take his chance. "I love him, Taehyung! I love him so much and even if he never wants to be mine, I will always want to be his." Youngjae sighed. 

I didn't know what to say. I was confused if I'm being honest. How could you be that in love with someone? I get crushes but they're never serious, I couldn't do serious. If I'm being honest, my "crushes" are when it takes more than a week to get in their pants. I get loving people but I could never imagining myself doing so. It was just a complete waste of time, pinning after someone who doesn't want you. I could be doing so many other things, why waste it crying over someone I can't have? 

The door open and slammed and there stood a panting Jaebum. Before Youngjae or I could speak, Jaebum slammed Youngjae up against the wall. "Bummie?" Youngjae gasped slightly when his back hit the wall. 

Jaebum slammed his lips on Youngjae's and they went into a heated makeout session. I watched for a few seconds in shock but quickly let myself out, smiling as I ran to my room. 

"I just did God's work!" I screamed as I bursted through the door. Jungkook looked at me as if I was crazy and then rolled his eyes. 

Oh right, I forgot he hates me, I thought to myself. I laughed hard, laughed so hard my sides started to hurt. "What the hell is wrong with you?" He asked. "You, you Jungkookie!" I laughed harder and I could feel laugh tears coming out my eyes. 

"What?" He was so confused. I finished laughing and walked over to him, a smirk placed on my face. "You know...you can say you don't like me." I whispered as I walked closer. "Okay, I don't like you." He said. 

I grabbed at the sides of his chair and turned it so his body was facing me. "Dude, I said it. You can back up now." Jungkook said. "I won't ask you why you don't like me, but I'll promise you one thing." I said and leaned in real close. 

"I'll make you like me." I whispered right in his ear and I could feel him tremble underneath me.   
**********

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed:) 


	4. Jungkook

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TWIGGER WARNING: MENTION OF RAPE/ATTEMPTED RAPE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this story is lowkey boring lol

"I'll make you like me."

 

     Those words sent goosebumps through my body. I had finally realized how Taehyung and Chanyeol were different.

 

His smell.

 

Taehyung has a completely different smell than Chanyeol, and it was stronger. I wonder how I never noticed it before.

 

He suddenly felt too close and I pushed him away, he let out a little giggle. "You won't be able to do that." I said with certainty. There's no way he could convince me when his face looked like that. "You really underestimate me, you know?" He smiled.

 

     "Cocky, huh? You aren't off to a good start." I said, I can't believe I was actually talking to him. "Cute, you think I need to get off on a good start to change your mind. I'm very determined, Jungkookie." He replied. "Whatever, I'm going to bed." I said when I realized I was talking to Chanyeol's doppelgänger.

 

     He let out another laugh before turning off the lights. "Hate me all you want now, I'll change your mind." He said and I could see him smirking. Good luck with that, I replied in my head.

***

     "Jungkookie!" I heard someone yell and I wake up to Taehyung and I being face to face. "Get off of me." I grunted. Taehyung's face is not something I wanted to see in the morning. "Wow, not even a good morning? This will be harder than I thought." Taehyung pouted.

 

     "Yeah, that's why you should give up." I suggested. He laughed when I was actually serious. "Maybe...but probably not." He winked at me and pulled off of me.

 

     I looked at him with anger, why was he so difficult? People just dislike people, that's how the world works. It's not like what's he doing is going to work. I'm never going to get along with Taehyung, he reminds me too much of Chanyeol. It was almost sickening how alike they were.

 

    I pulled the covers over my head and let out a loud groan. I can't believe Taehyung was making me this frustrated. "Jungkook, you have to get up for breakfast." Taehyung said. I pulled the covers off my head to glare at him. "Will you leave me the fuck alone if I go to breakfast?" I asked. Taehyung laughed like I was joking but I was completely serious.

 

"Yes, babe." He replied and I instantly got up, anger giving me the strength to do so. "I'm not your babe, okay? If you're going to "make me like you" or whatever the fuck you said, you can't call me pet names. I hate them." I snapped. "Alright, I got it." Taehyung mumbled and then gave me a smile.

 

That boxy smile reminded me of so many memories I was trying to forget. His face gave me so many memories I was trying to forget.

 

_"Babe, come here." Chanyeol gave me a warm smile. He opened his arms for me and I instantly jumped in them. His arms around me always gave me the feeling of security and love. "Chan, do you ever think about our future?" I asked softly, afraid of his answers. Chanyeol and I had been fighting all week and we had finally made up._

_Chanyeol kissed my forehead and gave me the smile I crave all the time. This is the smile he gives me when everything is good and we can peacefully be in love, even if it is just for a while. I hugged him tighter, tears threatening to fall. I was so deeply in love with him, it hurts to think he'll hurt me again. I just couldn't let him go, no matter how hard I tried._

_"Kookie, look at me." Chanyeol ordered and I slowly looked up at him. "Baby, why are you crying?" He wipes my tears, and a frown filled his face. "I don't like it when you cheat, Chanyeol. I don't like it when you flirt with other people and tell me that they're better looking than me. I don't like when you call me mean names, even if you don't mean them. I don't like it when my friends say mean things about you. I don't like it when you and my friends fight. I hate it when you hurt me. I love you and I know you love me, can we please just be happy? Can you please only be with me?" My lips were trembling, I could feel a sob forming in my throat._

_"Kookie, I promise that I'll be with you and only you for now on. I won't cheat and we can be happy, me and you. You've always been there for me, I don't deserve you at all. I've realized that you are truly the only god thing in me life, you're my angel. The angel I always needed." Chanyeol said and tears spilled out, and before I know it I was sobbing._

_"Thank you, I l-love you so much." I cried. "Kookie, please stop crying." Chanyeol whispered. He wiped away my tears as quick as they came. I nodded as I tried to control the tears, but they just didn't seem to stop. "It's going to be okay, I'm not going to leave you ever." Chanyeol shushed me and I could feel myself calming down._

_"You know how you asked me if I ever thought about our future?" Chanyeol asked and I nodded. He laid us down on his bed and rested my head on his chest. "Baby, I'm going to marry you. We're going to go live in Korea because I know how much you want to. We're going to adopt a boy and a girl, they'll be beautiful I know it. They'll go to private school and they'll be super smart, like you. I'll teach them how to be a badass, of course. Most importantly, we're going to be happy. Me and you. Us. We'll be together forever and more." Chanyeol ran his fingers through my hair._

_Those words soothed me, it gave me a feeling I've never felt before. I could picture waking up and looking at that boxy smile everyday. I knew this was love, I love Chanyeol with all my heart. I'd give him the world, but he has my heart until I can get him the world. He was the only one I deserved, nothing was better than him. All I need is him, always._

_"Promise?" My voice croaked. "Promise." He said and he sounded certain. I reached up to kiss his lips._

_Everything was right in the world._

 

 What a fucking liar. Every word he said was a goddamn lie, I thought in my head. "Jungkook." Someone snapped their fingers in front of me. I saw Chanyeol and I stepped close ready to beat him to a pulp. "What are you doing?" He asked and that's when the smell hit me.

 

The smell of Taehyung, the only difference. I was suddenly reminded where I was, I'm away from Chanyeol. "I'm...I'm going to breakfast." I let out a deep breath, my eyes starting to sting. "Wait, Jungkook!" Taehyung grabbed my arm to turn me around. His eyes burned into mine, and I felt fragile, weak even. I pulled away instantly, my mouth moving faster than my brain.

 

"I'm not you're goddamn friend, so don't touch me like I am." I spat and turned on my heel. I looked back at him, I could see the confusion on his face. "I'm not fragile either, don't think it'll be easy to break me." I whispered loud enough for him to hear.

 

I slammed the door behind me and walked to the cafeteria. "Hey, Jungkook! Where's Taehyung?" Jimin asked when I sat down. "He's still getting ready." I lied. "Really? I would think he's ready by now." Jimin said and I shrugged. "Hey guys, the party has arrived." I heard Taehyung say from behind me.

 

"What took you so long?" Yoongi asked. "Just a little wardrobe malfunction, I didn't know whether to wear booty shorts or jeans." Taehyung lied. I was weirdly grateful he did, I would never say it out loud though.

 

"I'm guessing you choose the booty shoes?" Hoseok said and leaned back to look at Taehyung's ass. "You know me so well." He laughed. "Anyway, Jungkook you're going to class with me today." Jimin looked at me. "Fine, but I'm not going to be your talking buddy, hyung." I told him and they laughed.

 

     They always laugh when I'm not trying to be funny, it must be really easy to entertain them. "That's why I'm making you go, that class is so boring!" Jimin whined and pouted. "Hyung, how do you except to pass college and not listen to boring professors at one point?" I asked. Jimin thought about it for a second and shrugged. "I'll get the notes from someone else, I just don't feel like working today. I'll get you today's and yesterday's notes!" Jimin offered.

 

     I forgot that essays and notes are a huge thing in college, the offer was very tempting. "Fine...but I want my notes." I pouted. "You're so cute when you pout, such a baby!" Hoseok squeaked and pinched my cheeks. "Ow, don't touch me." I grabbed his hand and brought it down to his side. "Awe, you're just so cute!" Hoseok giggled. "I'm 18." I reminded. "I'm almost 20, so you're a baby." Hoseok argued.

 

"Hobi, you're scaring him stop it." Taehyung told him. Who said I was scared? Why does he always make decisions for me, huh?

 

"Am not." Hoseok said. "Are too." Taehyung said back just as fast. "Prove it." Hoseok said. Taehyung looked at me and let out a long sigh. What the hell did that mean? Why can't he just ask me a stupid question and move on? "Jungkook, is Hoseok scaring you?" Taehyung asked in a dry tone. "Uh-"

 

"Can y'all leave this poor boy alone? He hasn't even been here a week, he's not use to the crackheads you guys are." Namjoon interrupted me. I held back my smile, I was grateful he stepped in.

 

     Hoseok was creeping me out but I couldn't give Taehyung the satisfaction of saying yes. "Anyway," I said after the silence became too much. "How is my favorite couple?" I looked at Jimin and Yoongi, who turned bright red.

 

"Well, we're so good! Namjoon took me on a date and gosh it was just so romantic! We went to the park and he gave me roses, knowing I love them. He's so cute, right?" Jin gushed. "Hyung, I was talking to Jimin and Yoongi." I

said before bursting into laughter.

 

I let out the biggest laugh, that's got to be the funniest thing I've ever seen happen in a while. God, it felt so good to laugh and have it not be faked. "I'm...sorry, that's got to...that's got to be the funniest thing I've seen." I laughed in between words, my sides started to hurt.

 

"Jungkook, you're so funny!" Jimin laughed and I noticed the whole table was laughing. I could hear Jin laughing as well, sounding equivalent to a windshield wiper. That only made me laugh harder and suddenly I felt hysterical.

 

I finally calm down along with the rest of the table and wiped the tears from my eyes. "God, that was hilarious." Hoseok commented.

 

Happiness bloomed through my chest, maybe even a little bit of confidence. I looked down at my phone and realized it was five minutes till my first class. "Oh shoot! Jimin, our class is starting soon." I told him.

 

Jimin eyes widen and kissed Yoongi before getting up. "See you guys later!" I turned to smile at them, they were pretty alright.

 

Except Taehyung, of course, I thought but that didn't even bring down my smile.

***

     "Jungkook...Jungkookie...Kookie." Jimin whispered and the last one got my attention. "Don't call me that, I don't like it." I muttered. "Which one?" He asked. "Kookie." I said through gritted teeth.

 

     Kookie was the only nickname no one could use on me. Chanyeol said it so many times that I could hear it perfectly in his voice. I could hear in his sad voice, mad voice, excited voice, etc. It had been stamped to my brain, I could never get rid of it.

 

     "Oh...alright." Jimin said and gave me a soft smile. "How's rooming with Taehyung?" Jimin asked. Terrible, I immediately thought in my head. "It's...um...cool." I stammered. "Woah, you make it sound uncool." Jimin giggled quietly. "Sorry." I apologized.

 

     "What? You don't have to apologize." Jimin said. "Sor...okay." I stopped myself from saying sorry, it was a habit now. Jimin stared at me for an uncomfortable long time, like he was trying to figure something out. I didn’t like the way he was looking at me, it made me want to sink into my chair and disappear.

 

“Jungkook,” Jimin started and I could feel my heart jump in my throat. “What was the US really like?” Jimin whispered and my heart went from my heart to feeling like it fell to my stomach.

 

I obviously didn’t want to talk about the US, how could I tell him that? Jimin was actually pretty sweet and I didn’t want to snap at him for bringing up memories he doesn’t know he isn’t suppose to. “W-what?” I played dumb, I know exactly what he said. “You heard me, what was the US really like?” Jimin asked again.

 

“Well...it was really fun,” I started my lie, a heavy feeling settling in my chest.

 

“I had so many friends, I miss them so much!”

 

Lie.

 

“I miss my dad a lot.”

 

Lie.

 

“I had a boyfriend, we ended things before I left. It was mutual so there’s no hard feelings at all.”

 

Another lie.

 

Nobody wanted the full truth when your story was a sad story. I couldn’t tell him that I’m here because my dad was abusive, and I finally contacted my birth mother to save me. He couldn’t know that I have one friend left in US because everyone else turned on me. I couldn’t tell him that my boyfriend was an emotionally abusive asshole who still haunts my dreams, who also changes the way I look at Taehyung, and who changed the way I look at love forever.

 

“You must really miss it, huh?” Jimin asked. I nodded with a fake smile, the pressure felt heavier. “So much, it hurts being away.” I lied straight through my teeth, I’ve gotten better at sounding more convincing.

 

“Why did you come here?” Jimin asked and that question seem to make my heart sink further in my chest. “My mom wanted to come to Korea, wanted me to grow up around my culture.” I lied. “Why didn’t you dad come?” Jimin asked more questions.

 

“I didn’t know this was “get to know Jungkook” class, we should be paying attention to the lesson.” I tried to avoid more questions. “Well, I have a huge plot twist. Taehyung may fuck everyone, but there’s a lot of guys who think I’m cute as hell. Luckily, many guys who think that just happen to be in this class. I can get the notes from anyone, without lifting a finger.” Jimin finished with a dazzling smile and wink.

 

Damn, he really is cute.

 

“Jimin, you are the cutest, most committed,and most loyal hoe I know.” I told him. “Oh my gosh, how do you already know me so well?” Jimin laughed and so did I.

 

Jimin and I talked for the rest of class and I learned some things. I learned Jimin and Taehyung have been friends since 9th grade, he’s liked Yoongi since the first day of college, he knew he was gay since he was five, he sucked his first dick at fifteen, and he got 3,000 dollars from male stripping in one night. 

Jimin was an interesting person to say the least.

 

“Alright, I’ve got free time now. Do you have another class?” He asked. “Nope, not until 2pm. Then I have a couple night classes.” I told him. “You signed up for night classes?And you have a 10am class? How are you living?” Jimin joked and it made me laugh. “I didn’t go to my night classes for the days I’ve been here, I’ll go today I guess.” I shrugged.

 

“You know who’s in night classes? Namjoon, Sehun, And Baekhyun, maybe you’ll have a class together.”Jimin said. “Who’s Sehun And Baekhyun?” I asked. “I told you, don’t you remember? When I told you about the school?” Jimin said and I panicked a little.

 

“Oh...refresh my memory.” I laughed awkwardly and Jimin glared at me. Why do I always mess everything up? I thought to myself. “You’re lucky you’re cool, Jungkookie or I would be very mad at you.” Jimin smiled and I returned it but it wasn’t as real.

 

I felt like I just damaged the way Jimin sees me, I’m now somewhat of a burden in his eyes. It’s only a matter of time until I’m too annoying to hang around, and he doesn’t want to be friends anymore. “Sorry.” I sincerely apologized.

 

Jimin wrapped his arms around my side and I became extremely stiff. I hated when people touched me, I hated affection. “Jungkookie, I was only kidding.” Jimin pouted. I only nodded and waited for him to remove his arms. He removed his arms and I could finally relax.

 

“Anyway, you obviously know Namjoon, so I won’t even talk about him. Byun Baekhyun is one of the cutest guys you’ll ever see but don’t hit on him because his tall boyfriend will kill you. Oh Sehun is a hoe, that’s all he is. He’s most definitely going to try to hit on you and you most definitely won’t be able to handle the vulgar things that come out his mouth. You think you heard everything? Sehun comes up with new ways to be weird.” Jimin explained.

 

“Alright...for future references, who’s Baekhyun’s boyfriend?” I asked.

 

“Chanyeol, of course.” Jimin answered

 

“W-what?” I stuttered, I couldn’t have heard that correctly. “Chanyeol.” He repeated.

 

I could actually feel my heart sink, I became nauseous, and my body froze. There was no way that this was the same Chanyeol, it was simply not possible. I just can’t believe I left my hometown to find my ex’s doppelgänger and someone with his name. “Jungkook, are you okay?” Jimin asked and I only nodded.

 

“I think I just got lightheaded,” I said truthfully.“I’m going to go lay down in my room.” I told him. Jimin looked as if he wanted to say something but decided against it, only giving me a smile and nodding.

 

“Okay, hope you feel better.” Jimin reached up to pat my head but I instinctively grabbed his wrist, putting his arm back down to his side.

 

Jimin gave me a puzzled look but I covered it with a fake smile. “See you later, Jimin!” I waved to him and he waved back to me.

 

Yeah...that went well, I thought to myself as I walked back to my room.

***

I walked into my room and was not surprised when I heard moaning. Jimin said Taehyung fucked a bunch of guys so I guess that meant I would walk in on this a lot. The sounds got too gross for me and I was about to walk out the door when I heard something.

 

“Wait, slow down.” Taehyung moaned out. “No, seriously I don’t like it.” He continued. “I said slow down, what are you doing?” I could hear panic in his voice. “Shut up.” The boy grunted, his voice was unrecognizable.

 

“Stop...seriously, it’s starting to hurt...stop.” I could hear his voice breaking. “How are you this worthless? I heard you did this all the time and you can’t handle this?” The boy said and anger filled me. “No,” I could hear him crying at this point. “You’re just hurting me.” Taehyung cried.

 

I waited for what was going to happen next, I heard Taehyung’s muffled screams. I figured the guy had covered his mouth and that’s when I knew for a fact that I had to do something. Anger from Chanyeol and this situation made me charge into the room and punch this guy straight in his ugly face.

 

“What the fuck?” He pulled out of Taehyung and I grabbed him by his shoulders and knocked him to the floor. “Who the fuck do you think you are, huh?” I punched him with every word. My vision went red and white, but I think that was the blood gushing out the his nose.

 

I got up and threw his clothes at him, making him stand up. I rushed him out the dorm room and left him in the hallway, naked. “If I ever catch you around here I will fucking kill you, you disgusting rapist!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, hoping at lot of people would hear.

 

I went back in the room and slammed the door and looked at Taehyung. There were tears streaming down his face but he was completely silent. I sat next to him and noticed the way he moved from me slightly, as to be expected. “Thanks.” He said simply and I nodded. “Yeah.” I replied stupidly but what was I suppose to say?

 

“Taehyung, are you okay?” I asked. I turned to look at him and I could already tell the answer was no. Tears were heavily spilling out his eyes and I could tell he was holding everything in. It was weird seeing him this way because I had to force myself into forgetting about Chanyeol to be this close to him.

 

I picked his clothes off the floor and handed them to him, his shaking hands reached out and took them. He put his shirt over his head and had the covers over his bottom area. I turned away so he could cover himself, my face a bright red.

 

I turned back when I was sure he was done. My body felt stiff and I almost opened my arms for a hug, but I just couldn’t. If I met Taehyung three years ago, we probably would’ve been best friends. I would’ve joked about how he looked so much like my ex boyfriend and would’ve been open to giving him so many hugs.

 

It’s weird how Chanyeol changed my life like that. How he changed my perspective on people before I got to know them, it almost made me sick to my stomach.

 

“I’ll leave you be.” I patted his shoulder and stood up. I felt a soft hand wrap around my wrist, pulling me down. I landed on the side of him and he wrapped his arms around my waist, cuddling into me.

 

“Taehyung-”

 

“Please just don’t say anything, I’m going to be fine but right now I just want to hold someone.” He whispered.

 

I couldn’t just get out of there, I didn’t want to be a complete asshole. I nodded, my words being stuck in my throat. I tried to not to focus that Chanyeol’s doppelgänger was holding me, that if I looked down I could mistake him for the real person. I tried not to focus that someone literally shares a name with him, and if I could hear it all the time if I became friends with Baekhyun. I tried not to focus on the fact that I’ll never forget him, not matter that I do.

 

He’d always be there whether I want him to or not. Tears silently escaped my face, and I prayed Taehyung was asleep so he wouldn’t hear my soft sniffles.

 

I really had to meet Chanyeol and fall in love, huh?

**********

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading !!
> 
> Hoped you enjoyed, tell me what you think


	5. Taehyung

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of rape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven’t updated, school is starting soon :( I also kind of had writers block.

I woke up to arms shaking me...and my ass sore. Goddamn asshole, I thought with an eye roll. "Oh my god baby, are you okay?" I blinked and noticed Hoseok was completely in my face. I sat up slowly, everything was burning. 

"My ass hurts." Was the first thing I said. "Your ass...your ass hurts? That's the first thing you can say?" Jimin said worriedly. "Yeah, what else am I suppose to say?" I played dumb, I know what they want. "Well, you can start with telling us who the asshole is." Yoongi spoke up and I realized he was in the room. 

I looked around and realized everyone was in the room. "What the hell is this? A support group? I'm fine." I lied, I wasn't fine. My body hurt badly and my head ached. 

I've had run ins with aggressive people, but never like this. I always think I'm invincible but I'm really not, and for some reason that scared me. The words he said hit me in ways words never have before. I've never felt so powerless in my life, I've always been in charge in a way. The truth is I'll be fine in a week because similar things have happened, you just learn to deal. I just hope I never see that guy again. 

"Tae, you are not fine," Jimin looked me straight in the eyes. "Now, I can make the rest of them leave if you want to talk." He whispered to me so only I can hear. "Jiminie, don't." I whispered back. I've seen Jimin mad before, but this was a different type of mad. I know he's not going to scream at me, but he is going to scream as if the guy who did this is standing right in front of him. 

Jimin nodded slowly and I thanked him in my head. "Who was the guy?" Hoseok said and rested his hand on my shoulder. I was weirdly hyper aware of his hand on my shoulder, I wanted to push it off but I didn't have the energy to. "Did he use a condom?" Jin asked. "No." I looked down. I don't know why I agreed, everything happened so fast. 

"You need to get tested." Namjoon jumped in. "I don't need to get tested." I grumbled. "Shut the fuck up, Taehyung," Jimin said abruptly. "You're not fucking invincible to this shit so stop pretending you are. You're going to go get tested whether I have to drag you to the fucking doctor myself." Jimin snapped at me.

"I-"

"No, you're not going to bitch and whine about this shit. You aren't going to fight me on this because it's something that should have been done. If you have something serious and you...and it's affects you and something happens, I won't forgive myself." Jimin said and I could hear his voice cracking. 

"Jim-"

"Get dress, you're going to the fucking doctor." Jimin cut me off again. "Can you fucking listen to me for one second?" I yelled, I was tired of him cutting me off. 

"I'm not doing shit today, my entire body hurts. Newsflash, I'm pretty sure I almost got fucking raped so excuse me for not wanting to get the fuck up today. I'll go tomorrow or whenever the fuck I want to. Sorry if I hurt your fucking feelings, Jiminie, Alexa play it's my fucking body!" I told him off. I didn't mean most of the words that came out my mouth but they came out. I couldn't take it back and the regret and guilt was starting to sink in. 

"You know what? Get a fucking disease, I don't give a fuck." Jimin said swiftly and walked out. The slamming door made me jump and I don't know if the words or the sound of the door slamming hurt worse. I know Jimin didn't mean what he said, it's one of our toxic qualities. We both realized that some times we both say shit just to hurt people, so that we can avoid the fact that we're hurt. We also realized most time it's directed toward each other. 

I laid back and the pain in my back and butt area came back. The overwhelming pain in my bottom and my heart was enough to make me almost start crying. "All of you can go away n-now." I didn't want to cry in front of them. "Taehyung, Jimin didn't mean what he said." Hoseok said softly. 

"I know that, Hobi. Just...just go." The sob I was holding in my throat was getting harder to hold. "I'm going to go talk to Jimin." Yoongi told me and I nodded. "Tae, we can stay here-"

Jungkook cleared his throat and all eyes went to him. I remembered that I fell asleep with him in my arms. I could tell he was clearly uncomfortable with the sudden attention, the way he fiddled with his hands gave it away. "Guys, I think Taehyung needs space," He looked down at the floor. "I'll...I'll take care of him." Jungkook stuttered out, as if he had to force the words out. 

I knew for a fact that Jungkook was not going to give me warm hugs when they leave, but I appreciated that he noticed how much I wanted to be alone. "Guys, Jungkook is right. Surrounding Taehyung is probably not the best idea right now. We'll check on you later." Jin sighed and kissed my forehead. Namjoon kissed my forehead and Hobi kissed my cheek. I felt like a child being tucked in for bed. 

"See you later, Taehyung." Namjoon said. Hoseok stayed and looked nervously between Jungkook and I. "You sure you want to be alone with him? I can take you to my room or stay here." Hoseok offered. "Hobi, you're so sweet but I want to be alone. This is Jungkook's room, I can't kick him out." I tried to hint that I didn't care but he didn't seem to take the bait. 

"If you want him to leave I'll make him." Hoseok volunteered as if I would be proud. "No, I'll be okay." I said firmly and Hoseok nodded, giving up on changing my mind. 

Hoseok reluctantly got up and walked out the room, the door finally closing for good. I sighed and stared at my ceiling for awhile. 

I suddenly remembered that Jungkook is in the room and sat up to look at him. The trip up was painful but I'd get use to it. He was laying back on his bed with headphones in his ears. I wondered whether or not I should say something but his eyes opened before I could. We made eye contact and it was silent for a good minute, the words stuck in my throat. 

What do I say to a guy that doesn't give a fuck about me? Matter of fact, a guy that barely likes me in general. Wow, I'm really good at making decisions. I should've just went with Hoseok or made him stay. "Taehyung, you're staring and it's really fucking weird." He said and I laughed. I don't why I laughed but I did, and it felt good. 

Was I going insane? I think so. "You know, for a person who stutters when they're speaking in front of everyone, you sure don't have a problem saying shit to me." I pointed out. "What can I say? You bring out my angry side." Jungkook replied and I smiled more. "Why is that?" I played along. "You're face, it's annoying." Jungkook said. 

"Cute, that's why you stare at it so much. I guess it's true what they say, you can't stay away from things you hate." I smirked. "First of all, nobody says that. Second of all, I don't stare at you a lot." Jungkook said defensively. 

"Whatever you say, Jungkookie." I smiled knowing that would get something out of him. "The fuck does that mean?" He sat up. "Whatever you want it to." I shrugged. "You're pretty annoying, Kim." He glared at me. "The thing is, I know." I smiled and he just shook his head and laid back down. 

Thank you, I thought in my head. I didn't want him to treat me like a victim and pretend to want to be my friend out of pity. I liked the fact that he was still annoyed of me and that I had to work for the friendship. That thought of proving him wrong made me smile, I set my mind to it. 

"You should shower." Jungkook said suddenly. "What?" I said even though I heard him. "I'm pretty sure you heard me perfectly fine, Kim." Jungkook said but thankfully didn't raise his voice. "You're not saying my first name anymore? Shame, I like the way you say it." I playfully pouted. 

    "What the...oh my god, just go shower." He sighed. "What's the point in goddamn showering?" I blurted, the words even surprised me. Jungkook stared at me and his expression softened, the pity was finally settling in. 

     "Ew, don't do that face. I'll go shower, you can stop looking like I took your favorite stuffed animal." I rolled my eyes at him. I pushed myself up and desperately tried to ignore the pain in my ass and the pain in my chest. 

     So much for making me feel normal, I rolled my eyes at the thought. Was I suppose to feel normal? I'm pretty sure this doesn't happen to people normally. I'm pretty sure going through something traumatic isn't an everyday experience. 

     I got undressed and looked at my body in the mirror, everything looked out of place. I didn't know how to even explain the feeling I was feeling to myself. I watched myself breathe in the mirror for a few minutes and then got in the shower. I touched myself down there to see if there was blood and thankfully there wasn't. I think it's just bruised, but that happens. 

     My brain reminded me of what happened as if it didn't know I wanted them to erase those memories. I could remember the fear that pumped through my chest when he covered my mouth. The way my screams became powerless, as if I wasn't screaming at all. The way he bluntly ignored me as if I wasn't even human, as if I was a complete toy. 

     I remember Jungkook rushing in and feeling so much fucking relief. He heard my screams and I suddenly didn't feel so useless. I remember watching his face going red as he screamed and punched the guy. At that point, I felt numb. Every sound was blending together and everything seemed to not exist, it's like I was living in a nightmare that I got saved from. 

     I remember Jungkook being so concerned when he looked back at me, but at the same time he looked as if he didn't know what to do. He asked that stupid question as if I was going to tell him that I'm okay and he can go about his day. I remember him standing up and I moved before I could think, my hand wrapping around his wrist and pulling him down. 

     I know I made him uncomfortable, but I just didn't want to let go. I was thankful he didn't say anything either, I just needed someone to hold. 

     My mind went blank and I found myself staring at the walls. I shook my head and got out the shower, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around my waist. I forgot to get clothes so I just decided to walk out and get some. 

      It felt like someone was staring at me and I checked to make sure. Jungkook quickly diverted eye contact, face going slightly red. "I told you that you stare a lot. If you want me, come get me." I smirked, I know he's going to snap at me but I needed the distraction. 

     "Shut up, Kim. I don't want you and never will." Jungkook grumbled and I giggled. "Jungkookie, you're so adorable." I smiled at him. "Listen, can you stop with all the weird compliments?" Jungkook finally made eye contact with me. 

     He looked serious, and I mean like angry serious. I knew that if I kept bothering him, he'd probably explode on me. I also knew if I left him alone all the memories from earlier would come rushing back. I felt selfish but I couldn't stop. I didn't want to stop. 

      I put on clothes and just decided to keep my shirt off. "Why?" I shot back, waiting for the reaction. 

     "What?" He asked me. "Why do you not like my compliments?" I asked. "I don't because they're weird." Jungkook rolled his eyes. I sat on my bed, my insides felt like they were burning but I ignored it. 

     My mind suddenly shifted to Jimin but I didn't want to think about him. "Why?" I asked again like an annoying toddler. "Are you fucking with me? Why do you keep saying why?" He groaned. "I'm not fucking with you, I just want to know you." I stated and there was truth to that. 

     I do want to know Jungkook, inside and out. I want to know what sets him off, makes him cry, makes him smile, all of that. Most of all, I wanted to know why he hated me so much. I wanted to know what it was about me that bothered him too much. I've never had someone hate me like he does and it actually kind of bothered me that there is someone now. 

     "I've never had someone hate me." I said what I was thinking out loud, I just wanted to talk now. Jungkook ignored me and kept his eyes on his phone screen. "You're the first to officially hate me, you know? Should I get you a trophy or something?" I joked but he didn't even crack a smile. "I won't ask you why because partly I don't know if I could handle the answer. I just want to know if you like my friends." I said and waited for his response. "Yeah." He said, his voice low and deep. 

     "Good, they like you." I told him and I saw the side of his mouth twitch, a smile maybe? "Was that a smile?" I pointed out. "No." He said. "I think that was a smile, Jungkookie." I laughed and he ignored me. 

     Everything was quiet, a very uncomfortable silence. "I'm going to class." He said suddenly. "What?" I wish I heard him wrong, panic filling my chest. "It's 2pm, I'm going to class." Jungkook shrugged. "I'll go with you." I stood. I let out a cry of pain, my back side having a sharp pain. 

     Jungkook wrapped his arms around my waist and laid me back on the bed. Tears were running down my cheeks even though I didn't want to cry. "Actually...I'll stay here." Jungkook sighed. "D...don't, go to c...class." My voice cracked.  "I can't leave you like this, Kim. I may not like you but I'm not an asshole." Jungkook said. "You are an asshole." I snorted. "Whatever." Jungkook rolled his eyes, making me smile. 

     "Jesus, your smile." Jungkook whispered suddenly and my eyes widen. We both stared at each other as we took in what he said. "I...I didn't...you'll misunderstand no matter how I’ll say it." Jungkook stuttered and I laughed. "You like my smile, Jungkookie." I teased. "No, it's just...it's....ugh, I like....I like your smile." Jungkook looked like he was trying to explain something he couldn't. I know for a fact he would never say that type of shit to me, I'm pretty sure he would actually rather choke. There was something else he was hiding, something he was holding back. 

     "You're an amazing liar, I almost didn't notice." I said, and he looked at me for a long time. His brown eyes stared into mine, confusion written all over his face. I wondered what he was thinking, I was just wanted to know why he looked so confused and maybe scared? 

     "Jungkookie," My voice came out deeper than usual. "Can you...actually, I got it." I realized who I was going to ask for help, and decided against it. I don't think I ever want to ask Jungkook for help in my life. I tried to stand but it hurt and I just decided to lay where I was, giving up. "Hey, let me help you." Jungkook whispered and it made my insides turn unpleasantly. 

     Twenty minutes ago, he couldn't stand to be near me and now he wants to help? I'll do this shit myself. I don't need Jungkook to pity me and pretend like he actually cares when I know for a fact that he doesn't. "Move, I can do it myself." I pushed him out the way and stood, my body was practically screaming. 

     I let out a whimper as I walked to the other side of my bed. I carefully laid myself into the bed and got under the covers, tears pouring down my face. I refused to sob, I refused to let everything loose. 

     "Go to your class." I practically demanded, Jimin would be here soon anyway. I propped myself up, laying against the pillow so that it was comfortable when I sat up. 

Jungkook looked defeated, obviously. He looked as if he wanted to say something, but couldn’t think of the words. 

What was he going to say? What could he possibly say to make him stay? There was nothing he could say, ever. 

Jungkook ran his fingers through his hair, let out a frustrated sigh, and walked out, slamming the door in the process. The noise made me jump and I had the sudden realization that I was alone. 

Now that I think about it, I wasn’t even completely sure Jimin was coming. Why didn’t I text him to make sure? I thought about what he said to me last, the words left a mark. I never really thought about getting diseases, what if I did have one? I mean I know Hoseok is clean but what about the other guys? I mean I use condoms so what do I have worry about?

I heard the door open and close, I instantly jumped at the feeling. I waited for whoever was going to walk around the corner to come, I felt helpless all over again. Tears stung my eyes as I could feel the familiar feeling of wanting to cry. For some reason I felt so vulnerable now, knowing that I couldn’t defend myself well in this position. 

A sigh of relief ran through my body when I saw Jimin. “Don’t you ever greet people when you come in?” I yelled, faking my anger. “Drop your fake attitude, I came here to apologize. You know I don’t do that often.” Jimin sat next to me. 

I softly smiled when he looked down at me, I love my best friend so much. “Well, go on.” I said, my tone less harsh this time. “I’m sorry for saying what I said, but I’m guessing you know that. I know it hurt you, I shouldn’t have said it.” Jimin apologized. “I’m sorry for being a mean bitch when all you were doing is trying to help me, I appreciate you. I was just frustrated and I didn’t want to believe anything.” I apologized. 

I grabbed his hand and kissed his knuckles and he did the same with mine. Jimin cupped my face and ran his thumb alongside my cheek, it made me sick on how worried he looked. “Are you okay, Tae? Be honest with me.” Jimin’s voice was so soft that I could feel myself tearing up. 

I didn’t like crying, I especially didn’t like crying in front of anyone. I didn’t even like crying in front of Jimin, he’s seen me cry at least three times since freshman year.

“I will be.” I tried to reassure him, maybe even myself a little. “Are you okay right now?” Jimin asked the question I was dreading. I considered lying to him, but I knew he would be able to tell. Jimin always catches liars. 

“N...no,” I stuttered, I finally heard me say those words out loud. “My whole body hurts and I got so scared when you came through the door. When Hobi touched my shoulder I wanted to punch him in the face. That’s never been me, you know? I’m barely scared of anything and I love human contact. I wish it didn’t impact me but I can’t help me.” I kept in the sob the entire time. My throat and chest could feel the pressure and my hands were shaking. “Tae...we have to report this.” Jimin said and I shook my head. 

“N-no! I can’t...no one would believe me. I’m gay and a boy...who’s going to listen to me?” My entire body despised the way I was feeling right now. The pressure in my throat and chest became heavier and tighter, but I didn’t want to cry. I didn’t want to cry over this right now. “Everyone, I’ll make them listen.” Jimin said, I could tell he was starting to get mad. I swallowed slowly, trying to keep everything down. “Jiminie...please listen t-to me. We can’t tell, I’ll just avoid the guy.” I pleaded. 

Jimin looked me in the eyes, I could see the anger and sadness behind them. “I..I can’t...I can’t just hear that someone did this to you and do nothing.” Jimin voice cracked and it felt like someone had stabbed me in the heart. “Jimin, I don’t want to proceed with this. Please don’t make me.” I begged. 

I didn’t want to tell strangers about what this guy did to me, I didn’t want a lawyer asking me questions about it, and I certainly didn’t want to hear the words “not guilty”. I could just stay far, far away from him and hope for the best. “Fine, but who did to you?” Jimin asked. 

“His name is Min-Jun, I met him after breakfast and he suggested. I went along because I was dumb and horny, so I didn’t even care when he said he wanted to go in dry. I mean I’ve done dry before and as long as their not super fast then I’ll be okay, it’ll hurt a little afterwards though. He got very rough and I wasn’t use to it, not at all. I tried...I tried to make him stop but it just wasn’t work. Jungkook then came in and just started swinging on the guy. I’ve never seen him so angry, but he just kept hitting the guy and then kicked him out.” I told Jimin the story. 

“You have to be more careful, okay? I’m going to take you to the doctors now.” Jimin whispered and I nodded, I didn’t want to fight. 

I was also worried for myself as well, but I couldn’t let Jimin know that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading
> 
> I hope you enjoyed


	6. Jungkook

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of suicide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven’t been updating, school work hates me :(

"Go to class." Taehyung said in a demanding voice. I stared at the tears running down his face, and I've never felt more like an asshole in my entire life. What was I suppose to say? What could I say to him? There's nothing I could say to make this situation better. I didn't know him, I couldn't comfort him, nor did I want to.

 

Frustration, Anger, and Confusion ran through my body, making me feel so overwhelmed. I let out a huff, ran my fingers through my hair, and I walked out the door and slammed it out of anger.

 

I was angry because for a second I cared. I cared about a person that I never wanted to have a second thought about. Watching him go through that traumatic experience and watching him try to live afterwards made me actually give a fuck about him for a second.

 

At the same time, he still annoyed the fuck out of me. He still knew how to bother me and how to make me yell at him. I hated him for that, I hated that he always wanted to rile me up. Taehyung never left me alone, and everyday I was closer and closer to punching him in his Chanyeol look-a-like face.

 

I was also on edge because it's Friday, and Friday's are awful. Chanyeol would take me out every Friday, he would call it our special day. Wow, at the time it seemed like a good idea, but now I fucking hate Fridays.

 

I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry, but I can't go back to my room. I'm not going to class because I don't want to show up there late. Where the fuck could I go? I walked around this school looking like a helpless puppy. "Jungkook?" I heard a familiar girl voice.

 

I rolled my eyes, I was really not in the mood to talk to anyone. "Jennie, hey!" I faked a smile when I turned around. "What's up? How's school going so far?" She asked and I actually felt something in my heart, something that hurt. "It's...it's good." I lied straight through my teeth. "Good! I'm happy for you, even though you never come around to see your tour guide." She laughed but I actually felt guilty.

 

"I'm sorry." I apologized, looking down at the ground. "Jungkook...I was joking." Jennie laughed again but she also looked mildly concerned. "Jungkook, what's up baby?" Lisa yelled, and wrapped her arm around Jennie.

 

"Hey, Lisa!" I smiled at her, thankful that she came before Jennie could comment on what just happened. "How you been? Jennie trying to hit on you again? How many times do I have to tell you that he's a hot gay? We just have to accept it." Lisa sighed and dreamily looked at me. "Wow, you really have no filter." Jennie commented. "If I don't, who will?" Lisa shrugged.

 

"Sehun." Jennie said. "Ugh, he could never be as good as me." Lisa laughed. "I bet I could." I heard a voice say from behind me. I turned around and saw a fine ass boy, like ultra fine. He met eyes with me and smirked, looking my whole body up and down.

 

I cringed at the sight, instantly feeling uncomfortable. "Shut up, Sehun. We all know I'm the unfiltered queen." Lisa rolled her eyes. "Try me, we could use Jungkook as an example right now." Sehun grinned.

 

"First of all, how does he already know my name? Second of all, what the fuck is going on?" I asked questions. "Jungkook, everyone knows your name. You're literally one of the hottest guys in our school." Jennie explained.

 

"Also, madness is what's happening right now." I saw a smaller boy approach Sehun. "Who are you?" I asked, confusion running through me. "Baekhyun, what's up?" He smiled at me, his smile was pretty.

 

"Hi? I'm Jungkook." I just went along with this weird situation I was in right now. "I know, you are as cute as they say." He smirked.

 

Wait didn't he...

 

"You better shut up before I tell Chanyeol that." Sehun joked and the words hit me in the chest. It felt like someone punched me in the stomach and then ripped out my heart. I realized there were so many people around me and I suddenly felt dizzy, very dizzy. "Jungkook? Are you okay?" Jennie grabbed my shoulders.

 

I nodded but it didn't even feel like I was. My head was pounding and everything seemed to be blending together. My vision fell blurry and next thing I knew is that I blacked out.

 

I woke up to Yoongi sitting next to me. My head still hurt, and I realized I was in this infirmary. "What?" I said, my voice groggy. "You're awake? Thank god, we thought about taking you to the hospital." Yoongi sighed. "What the fuck is up with my friends, worrying me and shit? I'm going to get white hairs." Namjoon said.

 

"Hyung, I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to worry about me like-"

 

"Jungkook, whatever you're about to say, I advise you not to. You're part of the group, of course we're going to worry." Yoongi smiled at me.

 

Those words caught me off guard, I wasn't expecting that. I was expecting them to tell me that they were ashamed of me and give me a lecture. A weird bloom of happiness bloomed through my chest, is this what it's like to have actual friends? I smiled, my grin going from ear to ear. I finally found friends that could care for me.

 

In America, not one of them would say what Yoongi just said to me. No one could give me that reassurance like he just did. I didn't want to put trust in anyone but I would be lying if I said that they didn't make me want to.

 

"Thank you." I whispered. I closed my eyes and laid back, my smile still there. I opened my eyes to see everyone staring at me, but it wasn't with judgment.

 

"Aw, this baby is so cute!" Jin cooed. Hoseok pinched my face, Namjoon started squealing, and Yoongi was laughing. I started laughing to, and for a second I forgot everything. We all calmed down they looked back at me.

 

"Turns out, you're dehydrated. We bought you a whole container of water bottles, I expect you to drink three a day." Namjoon said. "Okay, Hyung." I smiled. "Aren't you suppose to be a rebellious teenager? I thought parenting you was going to be harder." Namjoon gasped and I giggled.

 

"I'm 18, not 14." I joked and they laughed with me. "Let's get you back to your dorm room." Yoongi said and helped me up. I finally got my balance and we started heading back to my room.

 

We arrived to my room after ten minutes and I noticed Taehyung was gone. "Where's Taehyung?" I asked, worry spreading through my chest. "Jungkook, you look like a scared puppy, calm down. Jimin took him to the doctor." Yoongi answered.

 

I look like a fucking what? A scared puppy? Also, did I really just asked where Taehyung was? Why the fuck did I care about that? So many thoughts and questions ran through my mind and I felt weak again. "Whoa, get him a water bottle." Namjoon said and placed me on my bed.

 

"Um...I got to go guys. My classes are starting soon and I can't afford to miss more, you know?" Namjoon said. "Shit, so are mine." Hoseok grumbled. "Jin and Yoongi, you guys stay with him. At least until Taehyung gets back." Namjoon ordered and all of this felt too familiar.

 

_"Shut the fuck up!" My best friend, Eve, screamed. "Can't you see that he just tried to kill himself?" She bursted into tears and my heart sink in my chest. My two close friends, Eve and Ben were crying next to me as I laid on my bed._

_I almost did it. I almost ended my life so fast. At the time, everything seemed right. I had my note, I had my pills, it was time for me to go. "Guys," My voice croaked. "Let me do it." I said and the eyes snapped up to look at me. I've never seen eyes look so sad, especially Eve. "What?" She asked._

_"It's m...my time. I don't deserve to be here, I don't deserve you guys, I don't deserve Chanyeol, everything is always my fault, it would be so much easier without me here. You'll see after I'm gone, after I'm-"_

_Smack!_

_The sting on my cheek came first and I realized Eve had slapped me. "W-what?" I stuttered out. "Are you fucking stupid? We care about you, Kookie! After you're gone? After you're gone? After you're fucking gone? Do you want to know what's going to happen after you're gone? I'm going to be heartbroken, devastated, completely destroyed knowing my best friend is dead. I love you but your piece of shit boyfriend doesn't deserve you at all!" Eve said without stuttering as tears poured down her face._

_So it's true, I'm a burden no matter what I do. I'm always going to be a burden to someone if I stay or if I go. I looked over at the pills, they looked even more tempting now._

_Do it, it's what's suppose to happen, I thought to myself. Do it! Do it! Do it! My thoughts seem to shout that over and over in my head. I wanted everything to be quiet, I just wanted to sleep. I wanted it to all be over._

_I grabbed at the pill bottle and I heard Eve scream. I dropped the pills in my hands and shove some in my mouth. Ben grabbed at my hands and tried to get the pills out my mouth. The pressure he was keeping on my cheeks kept me from swallowing and made it feel like I was choking. I instantly spit out the pills and started screaming._

_Everything that has been building up made me scream to the top of my lungs. The door burst open and the sight made me burst into tears. "What the fuck took you so long?" Eve yelled at him but he ignored it and rushed to me. I felt weight being lifted off of me and soft hands touching mine. I made eye contact with Chanyeol as he wiped my tears gently._

_"Hey," He said as he gripped the pill bottles in my hand. "Let go, okay?" Chanyeol said softly. "No, I can't." I cried. "Yes you can, you're going to live, Kookie." He whispered to me. The words seem to echo and bounce around in my head. "You're going to live, remember us adopting a boy and a girl? How can we do that if you're gone?" Chanyeol whispered and I thought about it._

_I looked at the beautiful man in front of me.I felt completely numb inside, but I could feel something looking at his tear stained cheeks. I wiped his tears with shaky hands and he pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead. "Live, please. Live for me and for you." Chanyeol whispered and I nodded._

_I felt like I was flying, as if everything was there and not there. "You guys can go, I'll stay with him." Chanyeol said. "Is that even a good idea? After everything you did?" Eve's tone made me flinch slightly. "Eve, please. I just want to be with him." Chanyeol pleaded. "Okay, I'm out of here." Eve huffed and walked out. Ben followed and closed the door._

_"She's mad." I stated. I love Eve with all my heart, I could never handle her hating me. "She'll be fine, think about yourself." Chanyeol mumbled. "I'm sorry." I apologized, now he's mad at me. "I'm not mad, Kookie. I just love you." He smiled at me. I weakly smiled back, tears threatening to fall again._

_"Are we really going to adopt the boy and girl like you said? Are we really moving to Korea?" I asked. "Yes, I promise." Chanyeol smiled._

_His lips finally connected with mine and gave me that feeling that no one else could. "Promise?" I said after he pulled back._

_"Promise." He said._

 

     I held on to that promise till the very last day. I hated Fridays because that's when I missed him the most, when I thought about him the most. When every amazing, happy memory we made together came rushing back. He made my world feel whole while ripping it apart at the same time. I've never been so in love nor do I ever want to again.

 

I hate him so much, I hate him with everything in me. I just don't know what I would do if I saw him again. I don't know how I would feel, how I would react. Would I cry? Smile? Feel what I felt when I first saw him?

 

My heart sink in my chest and the feeling of wanting him came back. I realized long ago that I don't want Chanyeol, I want who he use to be. I want the fun, cute, giggly boy I met years ago. I don't want the one that left me without saying anything, the one who said such awful words and did some awful things, I don't want the Chanyeol who broke my heart so many times.

 

I closed my eyes and a tear escaped. A sob seem to climb it's way up my throat and sit there waiting for me to let it out. "Hey, have some water." Yoongi whispered. I opened my eyes and through tear filled eyes I saw an outstretched hand. I softly took the water bottle with shaking hands.

 

I sat up and let out a deep sigh as I sipped the water. My throat felt less dry and scratchy and I didn't even notice that I haven't been drinking water. I can go days without water and food without even noticing it. "You feel better?" Yoongi asked and I nodded.

 

"We got to keep our youngest healthy, I can't bully Taehyung or Jimin." Yoongi smiled and I smiled softly at that. "I understand Jimin but why n-not Taehyung?" I stuttered out. "You don't mess with your boyfriend's best friend. They will both kill you." He laughed as if he was remembering something. "You got that one right!" Jin chimed in.

 

The pressure in my throat became lighter, and I secretly hoped Yoongi kept talking until it went away completely. "Ah, Jiminie is so cute. I never said that but he's seriously becoming the love of my life. I never said that either." Yoongi turned red and I noticed how his eyes sparkled whenever Jimin was brought up or around.

 

"You're so whipped for him, hyung." I stated the obvious. "That is correct." Jin agreed. "I'm not whipped, he's just special." Yoongi mumbled the last part. "He's what?" Jin asked. "Nothing, I said nothing." Yoongi looked at me and winked.

 

I let out a small giggle, the feeling in my chest becoming lighter. "Are you alright?" Yoongi turned to look at me, eyes filled with concern. "Yes, hyung." I lied. "You were crying, Jungkook." Yoongi said and I nodded. "Old memories got to me." I told him and that was the truth. The pressure started to come back but I promised myself that I wasn't going to cry. I was tired of crying.

 

     "What was America like?" Jin asked. "Jin!" Yoongi gave him a nasty look. "What? I was wondering." Jin shrugged. "He was literally just crying about America." Yoongi sighed. "He was crying? I'm on Taehyung's bed, I can't see him." Jin explained.

 

     "Guys, it's alright. America was great." I smiled through the pain. "You must miss it so much." Yoongi ran his fingers through my hair and I flinched at the touch. He gave me a confused look but pulled his fingers back. "I do, all the time." I lied.

 

     It was better to pretend than to tell the truth because the truth was too painful to handle.

 

     "You're cute, Jungkookie. I bet all the boys and girls wanted you." Jin complimented. "Yeah, I bet you had plenty of boyfriends." Yoongi laughed.

 

     I took in a deep breath, this was the worst day to talk about Chanyeol. "No, only one." I exhaled, tears stinging at the back of my eyes. "Oh, must've hurt to leave." Jin frowned. "Yes, but it's all right now. We're over each other and maybe I'll visit him once." I lied.

 

     It was not all right, he was completely over me, and I will never visit him. I wouldn't say I was still in love with Chanyeol but I couldn't say that I didn't miss his kisses, his compliments, and the way he held me, sometimes. I know I shouldn't, but some days I just wanted a hug from only him.

 

“What’s your best memory from America?” Jin asked. “I don’t know.” I replied but there was only one memory that came to mind. “Come on, there has to be one.” Yoongi laughed and nudged my side.

 

“The day me and my boyfriend got together.” I said incredibly quickly. Those words felt incredibly painful to say, I was screaming at my brain to stop reminiscing memories that are dead. “Did he do something romantic?” Jin smiled.

 

A smile ran across my lips, but it didn’t feel good. It was more like a cracked, painful, and broken smile. The smile you see on someone who was truly heartbroken. “So romantic.” I whispered to myself.

 

That memory usually filled me with butterflies but this time it filled me with pain. Pain that blossomed in my chest and sat there. Pain that felt like it was in my chest, stomach, legs, hands, just everywhere. “Tell us about it, please.” Jin begged.

 

You would think that on my face you could see my pained expression, but I knew that if I looked at myself I wouldn’t even know myself. I’ve gotten so good at hiding, so good at hiding all my emotions.

 

“He...”

 

I closed my eyes and took in a breath.

 

“We were dancing...”

 

So much pain.

 

“The song was Little Things by One Direction...”

 

I let out a bitter laugh.

 

“By the end of the night, he was mine.”

 

I finished and the sob that I wanted to go away was stronger than ever now. There’s no way it would be going away now.

 

I heard the door open and close, and I knew it was over for me. I knew that as soon as I turned my head, it would be over for me. “Hey Taehyung. How’d it go?” Yoongi asked simply and I stood up from my bed.

 

I turned around and Taehyung and I met eyes. He looked like Chanyeol now more than he has this entire time. It was like someone reached into my chest, ripped it out, and shoved it into my stomach. “Jungkook, hey.” Taehyung spoke.

 

I shook my head, I couldn’t believe this was actually happening. I ran into the bathroom, looking like an entire freak. That’s what I am though, a freak that couldn’t keep his boyfriend.

 

A freak that let his boyfriend walk all over him and leave him looking stupid all the time. The sob finally escaped and it felt so good to finally explode. To let every single tear slip out and mumbled cries slip though.

 

I hate you, Chanyeol. More than anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading !!! Hope you enjoyed :)! Leave some feedback please


	7. Taehyung

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This update has taken me forever, I’m sorry loves~~ I’ve been caught up in school and bad writers block. Forgive me please <3

I watched Jungkook shake his head and rush into the bathroom, confusion probably written all over my face. I shrugged and went to the kitchen to get some water and noticed the fridge was full of water. "Why?" I said loudly. Yoongi stopped looking at Jimin with hearts in his eyes and looked at me. 

"Huh?" He asked, that was his way of asking me to repeat whatever I just said. "Why is there so much water in my fridge?" I asked him even though he probably didn't know the answer. "Oh, Jungkook passed out today. We found out he had been dehydrated so we bought him loads of water." Jin gave me the noise. "He what?" Jimin screamed which caused me to flinch next to him. 

"Where is he?" Jimin asked and Yoongi pointed to the bathroom. "Wait!" Yoongi grabbed Jimin's arm and whispered something in his ears. "Hello? I'm right here, what's the big secret?" I scoffed, I was actually mildly offended that they whispered in front of me. "We can't check on Jungkook, it's not going to work." Yoongi told me. "Why not?" I asked.

I understood that nothing would happen if I said something, but Jimin could probably work his magic. "He's crying about America." Yoongi explained. "What?" I said. "He misses home." Yoongi rephrased. "Oh." I said and maybe that's why he's been so angry and quiet. He most likely misses home. 

      I shook my head at how ridiculous I am, and decided I'll keep being nice to Jungkook. Even if he's angry with me about something I didn't do. "What are we going to do?" Jimin asked and Yoongi and I shrugged. "Well, we can't just barge in there and demand him to is us what's wrong." Yoongi said. "We have to do something, we can't just sit here while he's crying his eyes out." Jin spoke up. 

The bathroom swung open and we all turned our heads to look at Jungkook. Jungkook made eye contact with me and a glare settled in his eyes. I choose not to glare back because I registered how horrible and sad he looked. 

His eyes were swollen and his nose was red, which was a clear sign he had been crying. Jungkook smiled, he had the audacity to smile as if we couldn't tell he was sad. "Hyungs, it's getting late. You guys should go home, Taehyung will take good care of me." Jungkook smiled.

What the fuck, I thought loudly in my head. "Taehyung will take good care of me"? He's such a liar! "Um...uh...alright." Jimin looked like he malfunctioned. 

     Jimin was already in caretaker mode, I knew for a fact that he was going to bust through that door and spoil Jungkook with love. I guess when Jungkook came out with a smile, Jimin's brain lost all thoughts that could help the situation and is currently trying to figure out what this is. 

      "Goodbye hyungs." He waved to them. Jimin was going to approach him, but Yoongi pulled him back and whispered something in his ear. I guess it was to tell Jimin to back off because Jimin looked upset by it. 

     They all said goodbye and waved back to us before closing the door and leaving us in silence. 

     Why are you so complicated, I thought in my head but when I saw Jungkook looking at me, I think I blurted it out. "What?" Jungkook barked and my head was already hurting. "I'm not trying to fight okay? I genuinely don't feel like being annoying right now, so how about we call it a night?" I said before he could say something and he looked taken back by my request. 

      "You don't feel like being annoying? That's hilarious." Jungkook snorted and I laughed, a genuine one. "Right? Maybe it's because I had to listen to a man tell me about the danger of sex for thirty minutes." I giggled. "What? Why? Didn't you get checked today? Do you have anything?" Jungkook bombarded me with questions. 

      "Calm down, I don't have any diseases. My asshole also got touched with this numbing cream and that's why I can walk in a way without discomfort. It's more mild now." I shared information I probably shouldn't have. 

     "Alright, Kim. I've heard enough for the night." Jungkook said but I swear his mouth twitched up. "Alright, goodnight." I started to remove my clothes. 

      "Why don't you ever change in the bathroom like a normal person?" He asked. I looked at him and saw that he had turned away from me. "Does it bother you?" I asked. "No...just asking." He replied. "Well, maybe you'll look at my hot body and see that I'm hot." I joked. "You'll be a waiting a long time." Jungkook said. "You don't think I'm hot?" I asked five minutes later. 

There was no reply, so I guess he fell asleep. I shrugged and hopped into my bed, ready for a goodnight sleep.   
******  
Loud screaming woke me up out of my sleep, panic rising in my chest. "What the fuck?" I said to myself as I turned on the light quickly. I saw Jungkook dashing and turning in his sleep, and he was also screaming his head off. 

I rush to his side to wake him up, and I wish I just let him scream. A fist came straight for my nose and luckily I dodged it. I grabbed his arms and held him down, and that only made him thrash harder. "Jungkook, calm down!" I yelled. "Let me go, I hate you!" He yelled back. 

"Just calm down." I said calmer. "Stop telling me what to do!" He fought back harder. Jungkook was too strong and I got knocked back on the floor. He straddled me, not in the good way, and raised his fist. I let out a yelp as I stopped his fist from coming down on my face. 

      He seem to be caught off guard and I took this as an opportunity to knock him over and straddle him. "Get off of me." He cried. 

      "Jungkook, listen to my voice. You need to calm down." I said as calmly as I could even though my heart was beating out of my chest. The thrashing started to slow down and he slowly started to give up. 

      His arms wrapped around me and he pulled me down. "I hate you so much." He shook as he cried into my neck. 

God, what did I do to this boy?

     "Sleep with me, just for tonight?" He asked and I choked on my own saliva. I let out a serious of coughs and pulled away from the hug. "What?" I asked him to repeat. "Cuddle me, just for tonight. I just want us to happen again." He whispered. I looked down at him with wide eyes, what the actual fuck was he talking about? 

       "Um...alright." I said and got off of him. Jungkook slowly got up and laid down on his bed and I crawled into the bed with him. He turned towards me and buried his head in my chest while I wrapped my arms around his body. "Thank you, Cha..." The rest of the sentence was mumbled so I couldn't make out what he said. 

     I was too tired to even try to make sense of this whole situation. I heard soft snores come from Jungkook and it sounded reasonable to just sleep like he is. It felt nice holding him in my arms and I soon drifted asleep as well.   
****

      I woke up and Jungkook was right in my face. Memories of last night came flashing through, and I started to become confused. If he hates me so much, why did he want me in the bed with him? 

      Jungkook eyes slowly opened and once they got adjusted, he just stared. I could hear him take in a breath, hold it, and then let it out slowly. I didn't know what to say or do so I just silently stared back. "What are you doing in my bed, Kim?" Jungkook said, his rough morning voice lacking all emotion. 

      I didn't usually get timid under people's words, but his tone made me want to crawl into a hole. "I...uh...you told me to." I stuttered out. "I...Kim, get the fuck out of my bed." Jungkook said and I quickly backed out the bed. "Sorry...you....um...yeah." I stuttered out and I didn't know why. I would've snapped on his ass by now, probably would've told him off. 

     Wait a minute..... Why the fuck am I not telling him off now?

     Does he think I'm some punk ass bitch? Hell no, I'm Kim Taehyung. 

       "First of all, I don't know why you're so angry. You were the one upset last night and asked me to get in bed with fucking you. I was just trying to comfort you, you little bitch. Don't get mad at me because you didn't like the fact that I was still there in the morning, asshole." I snapped and waited for a response. 

      Jungkook opened his mouth to say something, but then it closed. "Yeah, that's what I thought." I said as I grabbed some clothes and walked into the bathroom.

      What the fuck was his problem? He asked for me, I just did what he asked because he was the one crying. God, he's so confusing and it makes me so mad. 

     Since yesterday my whole life has been so messy and I want to throw myself down a hole. My aching ass reminded me of what happened and my brain wasn't doing a good job at shutting out the memories. 

     I hopped in the shower and I could feel his hands on my again. I wanted to scream, I wanted this feeling to leave me alone. His hand seem to be over my mouth again and tears fell from my face. I could still feel the fear spreading through my chest, still feel his hands on my body, and his words cutting me deeply. 

       Why did I have to live like this? Why did he get to carry on like nothing happened, while I was stuck with this permanent memory? I wiped the tears as fast as they fell, I'm not going to cry over this. I'm not going to be weak like this. 

     I hopped out the shower, put the cream on, brushed my teeth, put on some sweatpants and a T-shirt, and fixed my hair. I walked out the bathroom looking clean and fresh, unlike how I feel. 

     I didn't even spare Jungkook a glance as I walked out the door, slamming it shut. 

      "Hey, Tae." Baek approached me with Chanyeol. "Hey guys, what's you been up to?" I asked them, I love talking to the both of them. "Nothing much." Baek shrugged. "We're heading to the garden, you want to come along?" Chanyeol asked. "Nah, I gotta go meet my friends in the cafeteria. You guys have night classes though, right? I'll catch up to you guys after breakfast." I told them and they both smiled. 

      "Alright, see you then." Chanyeol said and they turned around, walking away holding hands. I stared long enough to see Baekhyun look at Chanyeol with love in his eyes, as if he was his whole word. 

     I hope that if I ever fall in love, that it's a long like that. 

      I walked to the cafeteria and pass the table I didn't want to walk pass. "Hey cutie!" BamBam yelled out. "BamBam, it's always a pleasure." I turned around and notice the table was different. 

      Jaebum and Youngjae were now sitting much closer, Yugyeom was talking to Jackson instead of watching this go down, and Mark and Jinyoung were giggling about something. 

Interesting. 

     "What's wrong? You sound bitter." BamBam pointed out. "That's my mood every time I see you." I sassed. "Damn, alright." BamBam scoffed. "Taehyung 6,969, BamBam zero." Jaebum said what he usually says. Youngjae gave me a wink before kissing Jb's cheek and I smiled. "I'll catch you guys later." I waved to them. All of them waved back except for Mark and Jinyoung, which I found quite odd. 

       "Hey, boys." I said as I sat next to Hoseok. "Hey, where's Kook?" Yoongi asked and I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes. "Does it...I mean, he's probably coming soon." I stopped myself from complaining. "Hmm...alright." Jimin said. 

      Jimin and I made eye contact and he seem to analyze my facial features. "Anyway, would y'all ever shove a hotdog up your ass?" Jin asked. Jin always said weird shit so we were no longer surprised at what came out his mouth. "Wow...you and Joon are getting really kinky." I joked and Namjoon started coughing. "Not me! I would never do that, I'm asking y'all." Jin laughed and we all laughed at his red face. 

      "I would definitely not." Yoongi said. "Darn, there goes my plans." Jimin whispered loudly. We all burst into laughter, I love my friends. "Why would you want to? Just put a dick up there." Hoseok said. "Good point, too bad I'm grounded from a good dicking." I sighed. "It's for your own good." Jimin reached across the table to pat my shoulder. 

     "It really do be like that." Yoongi said and we all started laughing again. "Jungkook, what's up?" Jimin said through laughter. I instantly stopped laughing and suddenly I didn't want to be here anymore. 

     I turned around to look at him and got so mad. I was mad at the fact that he was mad at me. Ugh, why the fuck do I even care? He's treated me like trash this entire time, except from when he saved me. "Hi, hyungs." He waved and sat down across from me. 

      I was surprised, but then I realized there were no more empty seats. "Jungkook, would you ever shove a hot dog up your ass?" Jin asked and Jungkook's face spread into a smile. "Yeah...I don't think so." Jungkook shook his head while laughing. 

      He was actually really cute when he didn't have such an unhappy look on his face. "So none of you are into foodplay? I expected more from my kinky peers." Jin sighed. "Jin, shoving hotdogs up your ass is not foodplay. It's just weird. Whip Cream on the other hand is hot." Hoseok smirked.

"Gross." Yoongi and Jimin both said at the same time. "It's too sticky." Jimin continued. "It's not completely gross." I spoke up. "Tae, no." Jimin groaned. "I'm just saying." I shrugged. "Only a messy bitch likes messy sex." Jimin argued. "Then I'm the messiest." I winked. 

"Anyway, class is starting so Jungkook and I gotta go." Jimin stood, gave Yoongi a kiss and, pulled Jungkook out of his seat. "Bye, hyungs." Jungkook turned and smiled at everyone, except for when he reached my face. 

      I glared at him this time, letting all the anger out through my eyes. "Weird." Yoongi said and I noticed he was staring at me. "What?" Hoseok asked. "Nothing, Hoesucc." Yoongi smirked. "Tae, let's go somewhere." Yoongi announced and walked to my side of the table. "Can I come?" Hobi perked up. "No." Yoongi glared at him and Hobi deflated. "Please, I can never spend time with my baby." Hoseok wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me into him. 

     I let out a small giggle as he kissed my temple, Hoseok is always playful like this. "Well, spend time with him another time. I need to talk to him about something urgent." Yoongi pulled me away from Hoseok. "I'll meet you at your dorm later, alright?" Hoseok said and I nodded. 

       "Where are you guys going?" Jin asked. "It's not our business, babe." Namjoon reminded him. "Just curious." Jin sang. “He’s right, mind your business.” Yoongi gave Jin a gummy smile before dragging me out the cafeteria. 

The way Yoongi was dragging me with such urgency kind of scared me. I know he can be passionate about things but those things have never involved me. 

We reached my dorm room and Yoongi pushed me in. “What the fuck is this?” I raised my fist as Yoongi. Has he lost his goddamn mind?

“Days, I have been thinking about this for days.” Yoongi paced back and forth, mumbling to himself about things I couldn’t hear or didn’t understand. “You’ve what?” I watched him go back and forth in front of me. “This has been a thought eating at me for days.” Yoongi sighed and went back to mumbling. 

Oh, God. 

No....

Please tell me this is not what I think is happening. 

“Are you trying to fuck me?” I said in a small whisper, my voice feeling like it’s trapped in my throat. Yoongi stopped and looked at me, eyes making eye contact. There was no sound in the room and my palms were started to get sweaty. 

Yoongi bursted out laughing, falling into the floor as he twisted and turned from laughter. I started laughing to, the idea seemed crazy to me now. “Okay, Minty now that we got that out the way...what did you really bring me here for?” I asked and noticed how his face switched back to serious. 

“What the fuck is going on with you and Jungkook?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed :)


	8. Jungkook

       "Jimin...where are we going?." I said, starting to become uneasy. "Hush." He said and continued to drag me down the hall. "Where are we going?" I repeated and he turned back to give me a blinding smile. 

       I was pulled into a dorm room, and the door closed loudly behind me. I turned around to see Jimin back up against the door, just staring at me. 

      "You're starting to freak me out, hyung." I laughed nervously. "I've got questions for you, Jungkook." Jimin stated and anxiety started to float in my chest. "Wh-what kind of questions, hyung?" I stuttered out. 

      "You're really out here proving my point." Jimin said with a laugh. "What?" I asked again. "We're in my dorm room, don't worry I got the assignments covered. We're going to spend some time with each other, Jungkook." Jimin went to sit on the bed and I considered bolting out the door. 

       "I wouldn't bolt out the door if I were you, I'll catch you." Jimin said and my jaw dropped. Is he in my head now? "You know, you're really starting to scare me." I told him.  "Don't worry, I'm not going to kill you I just have questions. Sit." Jimin patted the seat next to him and I just did what he told me.

"What's up?" I asked. "Have you ever sat this closely to Taehyung?" Jimin blurted. 

My body became tense after hearing his name. I remember this morning and how I still have to apologize to him. I was unreasonably mean to him this morning, and probably freaked him out last night. 

I had to think about Jimin's question for a second, have I ever sat this close to him? I got flashbacks to all the cuddles. "Um, yeah." I shrug. "Hm...do you think he's hot?" Jimin asked and I chocked on nothing. "Who?" I questioned to make sure I was hearing him right. 

"Tae, silly." Jimin giggled. My stomach twisted uncomfortable. Taehyung looked so much like Chanyeol it was hard not to find him incredibly handsome, but it also made it easy to want to hate him. 

I didn't like thinking about Taehyung in any other way. I didn't want to think he was a decent person, and that my trauma is stopping me from actually having a good friendship with him. He still knew how to rile me up, just like Chanyeol. That's the one thing that I've been going off of. 

"Yeah, he's hot." I answered truthfully. 

"You want to jump his bones?" 

"Huh?"

"You know ravish him, give him the good suck, give him the goods-"

"Are you asking me if I want to fuck him?"

"Basically."

"No." I answered honestly. I don't think I could ever see him in that way. He may be hot like Chanyeol, but that's also the problem. He would probably even fuck me like Chanyeol did. 

"Alright...what do you think of Taehyung?" Jimin asked and I shrugged. "There's not much to think about, he's a cool guy." I lied. "This is too weird." Jimin shook his head. "What's too weird?" I asked. 

Jimin let out an exasperated sigh and stood up, he turned back to look at me with his small hands on his hips. "I told Yoongi I would follow the script, but this is getting nowhere." Jimin said and I was even more confused. 

"What?" I asked. "Listen, Yoongi and I know you and Taehyung don't like each other. You both do a pretty shit job at hiding it, I just want to know why." Jimin said and my throat felt like it was closing up. 

"I don't want to talk about that." I said and I could feel myself doing it. Closing up, shutting everyone and everything out, protecting this secret I guard so hard. "Why not?" Jimin asked and I could feel myself becoming annoyed, just how I always do when someone tries to pry. 

"It's not something I talk about, Jimin." I didn't recognize my voice. "Tell me, I won't tell-"

"No!" I yelled and Jimin jumped back. "I'm sorry, I just don't talk about it. In fact, it's the one thing I'll never talk about. The one thing I can't stand to fucking talk about. No one can change that." I snapped. "I'm sorry," I whispered. "I'm really sorry." I gathered my things and headed for the door. 

"Jungkook." Jimin spoke up and his tone made me stop. "Give Taehyung a chance, he's not who you think he is. Also, you do realize you never say his name, right?" Jimin pointed out. 

I didn't even bother looking back before walking out the door.   
*****

I walked to my dorm room and saw Yoongi walking out of it. "Hey, how are you?" Yoongi said, blocking my way into my dorm room. "Fine, I'm going to lay down for a bit." I said and Yoongi chuckled. "Why don't we go for a walk or something?" Yoongi asked. "No, I really want to lay down." I said sternly. 

I use to break easily and follow everything everyone said. People use to be able to control me easily, especially Chanyeol. I became quickly infuriated with the way Yoongi was talking to me right now. 

"It's a nice day, come on." Yoongi begged. His persuasive tone made me want to pummel him into the ground. "I said no, now move." I growled. Yoongi's face dropped and moved out of my way. 

I opened the door and slammed it shut behind me. 

      "Yoongi I thought I told you-"

     I turned around and Taehyung was staring at me, but he looked angry. He looked ready to snap at me. 

"I'm sorry, Kim." I blurted out, I've been meaning to do this since the morning. Taehyung looked speechless and I held down my smile. "W-what?" Taehyung stuttered out and I let out a soft laugh. This day has been so goddamn weird. 

"This morning, I shouldn't have yelled at you." I told him and he looked broken. He didn't look sad broken, but broken as if he didn't know what the fuck to say. "How's your butt?" I asked randomly, the silence became too much for me. 

"What...oh...it's better. The cream is working I guess." Taehyung shrugged and I felt my stomach drop a little. "I'm sorry I didn't stop it sooner." I apologized, my eyes meeting the floor. "It's alright, it wasn't your fault." Taehyung said. "Yeah...I just hope you're okay now." I said, my hands awkwardly standing at my side. 

"I'm okay."

"I meant mentally."

"Oh."

"Oh?" This time I looked up at him and it felt like a mistake. I couldn't shake Chanyeol from my mind, but this was the first time I had a normal conversation with Taehyung. A conversation that didn't turn for the worse. I wanted so badly to not let Chanyeol impact me anymore, but looking at someone who looked so much like him had some type of influence on me. It just wasn't a good one. 

I turned back around, a wave a nausea running through me. I went to the fridge to grab a water bottle and chugged it. The cool liquid felt refreshing and I wondered if I've been forgetting to drink water lately again. 

"Do you want to talk about it, Kim?" I asked, back still facing him. "I don't really want to talk to someone who won't look at me." Taehyung said and I could feel him approaching me. 

My hands felt clammy and my back felt tingly, I took in a deep breathe and turned around. Taehyung's hand landed on my shoulder, and he was close to me. 

My stomach felt tingly, but not the good butterfly tingles. The bad tingles that didn't make sense right now, and I would end up acting like they never happen. 

I felt unsafe in his grasps, my body tensed and I shrugged his shoulder off of mine. "Why do you do that?" Taehyung tried to reach for my arm but I flinched away from the touch. "I don't like it." I said simply. "I like touching, maybe not as much as I use to." Taehyung said, his tone sounding dull. 

      "Why is that?" I asked. "It's because...nothing." He said. Taehyung looked so sad, sadder than I thought. "Oh." I said awkwardly, I didn't know how to comfort him.

"Yeah." He shrugged and went to his bed. I went to mine and pulled out assignments I had to finish. It was really silent, too silent. 

"You don't talk much, do you?" Taehyung asked. "I guess not." I answered. "Why?" Taehyung asked. "I don't know." I said. "Hmmm...it's just weird." Taehyung said and I could feel myself slowly start to lose my temper. 

"Can you be quiet? I'm trying to focus." I asked so I wouldn't snap at him after I apologized. "What if I don't want to?" Taehyung smiled and I wanted to kick his teeth in. "Do it anyway." I grumbled, my ears started to feel hot. 

"You don't tell me what to do." Taehyung huffed. "Well, how about you be a decent human being and shut the fuck up?" I exploded. Silence fell again and my stomach twisted. I felt bad but it was his fault for annoying me. "I'm going to class, I'll get the shit for you. I'd rather not see you there." Taehyung said harshly and walked out. 

I groaned loudly as he left, I fucked up again.   
******  
I finished up my assignments and by that time it was time for my night classes. Taehyung was still gone and I started to worry a little. 

To: Orange Head 

Is Kim with you?

From: Orange Head 

who tf is Kim ?

To: Orange Head 

Taehyung, Jimin 

From: Orange Head 

ohhh, my best friend !! Noo, I'm with the loml, why ?

To: Orange Head 

Oh nvm, he just hasn't been to the dorm after he left 

From: Orange Head 

worried ?

To: Orange Head 

You fucking wish 

From: Orange Head 

haha jk, don't kill me. You know you care about him tho 

To: Orange Head 

Stfu, I'd rather choke 

From: Orange Head 

whateva you sayy, but "Kim's" not with me sooo have fun finding him 

To: Orange Head 

Not even looking for him 

From: Orange Head 

then what do you call what you're doing right now ?

I stared at the phone screen in defeat, but ultimately decided to leave Jimin on read. 

I don't care about Taehyung! How many times do I have to say that? Why do people think I do? Actually, I couldn't care less about where ever the fuck he is. 

I'd gather my stuff for night classes and headed for them, at least I can hang with Namjoon.   
*****  
"Jungkook! Over here!" Namjoon said when I entered the loud classroom. "I saved you a seat." He smiled. "Thanks." I replied as I sat. "Have you seen Kim?" I asked him, a weird feeling settling in my stomach. 

"Who?" Namjoon asked. "Taehyung." I rephrased. "Oh, yeah I saw him," Namjoon said and relief washed over me. "He was with Hoseok, they're probably fucking." Namjoon said casually.

"I thought he wasn't suppose to do that?" I asked and Namjoon shrugged. "Well, they're doing it." Namjoon laughed. "Is Hoseok like his boyfriend or something?" I asked because that's something I've always wondered and Namjoon laughed. "Taehyung? With a boyfriend? That's something to laugh about." Namjoon said. 

"So they aren't dating?" I asked. "Nope," Namjoon shook his head. "I don't think Tae is capable of dating anyone." Namjoon added. "Why not?" I questioned, for some reason I was genuinely curious. "Well...I've just never seen him tied down to someone. He likes fucking people and moving on. I think he's scared of commitment and being attached to someone, but he'd never admit to that." Namjoon explained. 

"Oh." Was the only thing I could think of saying. 

"Why the sudden interest in Taehyung? You like him or something?" Namjoon asked. "What? Of course not! Why does everyone think I like him?" I laughed. "I mean you do have a habit of staring at him." Namjoon said. 

"I do not!" I disagreed. "Whatever you say, you better be quiet, class is starting." Namjoon chuckled, but I certainly was not in the mood to laugh.  
***  
I went to my next class that had Baekhyun and Sehun in it. Baekhyun was actually a really cool guy and I'm glad he didn't talk about his boyfriend as much as I thought he would. Sehun on the other hand was quite difficult to handle, but funny nonetheless. 

"Baekhyungie, please." I heard Sehun beg. "What's he on about now?" I asked as I sat down next to them, Sehun's eyes lighting up as he saw me. "Jungkookie, tell Baek to give me some of his food." Sehun asked, pouting. 

"It's for Chan, so no." Baekhyun told me and my heart stopped for a second. I still wasn't use to the fact that Baekhyun's boyfriend had my ex-boyfriend's name. 

Funny how life works, huh?

     Sehun wraps his arms around my neck and hugs me. I wasn't use to how touchy Sehun was so, I let him hold it there for a second before pushing him off of me. 

      "Alright, where's the professor?" I asked when I realized that everyone was talking and do nothing. "Babe, the professor is sleep." Sehun answers and my body tensed at the sound of  him calling me "babe".

      It was just a simple word, but it still didn't feel so simple. 

     "Sehun, stop calling people pet names, it's weird." Baekhyun lectured and I was thankful that he was so well at reading people. "Fine, but Jungkook is cute." Sehun pouted. 

      My palms felt sweaty for some reason, it was like I placed them in a sauna. I didn't like compliments, they were too much to handle. I didn't know how to react to them anymore. I use to basically live off of Chanyeol's compliments. 

      When times were good, he would compliment me day and night. When things were bad, I had to wait for that one compliment to be thrown my way so my self esteem wouldn't completely plummet. 

      I don't want to compliments to be the reason I'm confident. I want me to be the reason I'm confident. 

   "T-thanks, Sehun." I tried to make the stutter cute but instead it came out very awkward. 

     An awkward silence flowed through the air and I suddenly felt very insecure. 

"Anygay....Channie and I are going on a picnic date tomorrow. He's so romantic." Baek giggled. Sehun made gagging noises and I just placed a false smile on my face. 

Channie. 

I called him Channie. 

He hated it, but I did it anyway. 

'Only you can call me Channie' he would say. I was the the only one special enough to call him Channie. 

I use to be. Just use to be. 

"...you want to, Jungkook?" Sehun broke me out of my trance. "What?" I asked. "Ugh, you never listen." Sehun whined but something about that hurt. 

I never listened because I was too wrapped up in thinking about Chanyeol. I was always too wrapped up in Chanyeol. 

I didn't...I didn't want to be anymore. I wasn't me anymore, my mind was basically filled with Chanyeol all the time. Chanyeol. Chanyeol. Chanyeol. On repeat the entire time. 

Why couldn't I just forget? Why couldn't I just let go? Why...why was he so hard to forget? Why did I love him? Why? Why? Why?

"Jungkook!" Baekhyun yelled in my face and suddenly noise overflowed my head, the sensation almost overwhelming. 

Baekhyun and Sehun were looking at me, as if they were expecting something. "Sure." I said simply, my mind tired of thinking. "Alright, let's go!" Baekhyun pulled me out of my seat and we walked out the classroom. 

My mind felt blank the entire time, everything blurring and moving so fast. My face was suddenly hit with cool air and I didn't realize how hot it was in the college. "Where are we?" I asked, my words sounded far away. 

"Butterfly Garden, you can see the stars so perfectly from there." Sehun smiled at me, and I noticed how cute he was. I would've went for him, if someone didn't exist. 

We finally got to the Butterfly Garden and I laid on the ground. My eyes were filling with tears and I couldn't even tell why this time. I felt the urge to sob, to scream, my body felt like it was burning. It felt like I was burning in my own skin. 

I took in a deep breath and let it out while blinking multiple times. Hot tears flowed down the side of my face and I didn't even have the energy to wipe them.

"....Taehyung...." Sehun was saying something and my ears perked at that. I sat up immediately to know what they were talking about. 

"Yeah, if Channie didn't exist, I would let Taehyung fuck me sideways." Baek laughed. "He's totally a bottom." Sehun stated and Baek shook his head. "No way! That boy is a whole top." Baek argued. "Nah, he's a bottom boy." Sehun argued. 

"Kook, you're his roommate. You tell us what that hot piece of work is." Baekhyun smiled at me, his teeth blinding in the dark. "I...I don't know." I stuttered out and Baekhyun face expressions dropped. "Are you alright?" He asked and I nodded. 

"Yeah...I'm just really tired." I lied, my head felt even more woozy after hearing Taehyung's name. I haven't seen him since he walked out the room, I hope he was there. 

Ew. 

Why the fuck am I thinking that?

"Go sleep, Jungkookie. Your eyes are red." Sehun said and I only nodded before getting up. "Bye guys, you guys are really fun to hang with." I smiled at them and they both smiled at me. "You're fun as well, Jungkook." Baek smiled at me. 

I turned around and hot tears flowed out my eyes. 

I'm...I'm done caring.   
*********


	9. Taehyung

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taehyung’s version

"What the fuck is going on between you and Jungkook?" Yoongi barked and suddenly my heart started beating faster than it was a second ago. 

"W-What do you mean?" I stuttered, a clear sign I was nervous. "Bullshit, Tae. You know what I'm taking about. Jimin and I aren't slow." Yoongi crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow at me. 

....Jimin?

Jimin's starting to notice? My emotions and acting skills are failing me. "I...I don't want to talk about it Yoongi." I sighed. I honestly didn't know what to make of the whole situation if I'm being honest. 

He confused me, more than I've ever been confused by a person in my life. He takes up too much of my thought process for him to be just another person. 

      I just have the biggest urge to make him like me, to not hate me. I have the biggest urge to know why he feels the way he does. 

      The thing is I get too angry and annoyed in the process. I don't know what he wants from me, and I can't stop thinking about the way he hugged me and the way he was wrapped in my arms. I hate it, it's all too confusing.

"You know you can talk to me about this, Tae." Yoongi said softly, the softest I've ever heard him talk. "Not about this, I can't even process it on my own. I think I need time." I felt the sudden urge to scream. 

"I just want to help." Yoongi looked defeated and something pulled at my heart. I'm pretty sure it was definitely guilt. I felt guilty for misjudging Yoongi, I didn't think that he actually cared for me. I thought we had a "you're dating my best friend so we have to get along" relationship. 

I sat on the bed and patted the spot next to me. Yoongi quickly sat down, looking at me with hopeful eyes. The way his eyes sparkled waiting for me to give him something, anything, was kind of sweet. I guess he cared in his own way. 

I let everything loose, as if I was finally spilling everything to Jimin. I kept my feelings throughout this to myself, he didn't need to know about that. I just told him everything that has happened between Jungkook and I.

I could find myself become very angry, super angry. My hands were shaking in my lap as I tried to keep them still. I suddenly wanted to be alone after I finished telling him everything. I had a sinking feeling in my chest and I didn't know what it was. "I think you should go." I said slowly, trying to sound calm. 

"Huh?" Yoongi asked. "I said I think you should go." I said louder and I stood. "Why? I thought we were going to talk this out." Yoongi said and my jaw clenched. "No, you wanted to talk it out. I just wanted to tell you what happened." I snapped and Yoongi just stared at me.

We were quiet for a long time staring into each other's eyes before he got up and walked out, closing the door slowly. 

I walked to the door and stood in the small hall. I felt bad but I was so mad, so goddamn mad at Jeon Jungkook. 

I should've gave up on trying to get him to like me a long time ago because now I can't help it. I can't help but want to hear his voice even if it's a goddamn insult. I can't help but want to shove my lips up against his because he's so goddamn hot. I have never dealt with rejection like this in my life and for some reason it just keeps tugging at me. Jeon Jungkook just keeps tugging at me.

      I sighed and turned around before hearing the door shut behind. 

"Yoongi I thought I told you-"

I turned around to glare at Yoongi, but I was completely wrong. It was definitely not Yoongi. 

      Jeon Jungkook stood before me in untouchable glory and something in me became even angrier. The fact that he was an untouchable to me made me upset. I wanted to say something, anything, but I couldn't figure out the words. 

      "I'm sorry, Kim." He blurted out. The words had actually been knocked out of me and Jungkook had the audacity to smile. "W-what?" I stuttered and he laughed slightly. My insides swirled, but it obviously meant nothing. He was just hot. 

      It better mean fucking nothing. 

      "This morning, I shouldn't have yelled at you." Jungkook apologized. 

      Jungkook? Jeon Jungkook? Apologized? To me? What do I even say to that? Do I tell it's fine and move on? Do I tell him he's confusing the shit out me? What? Do? I? Say?

     "How's your butt?" Jungkook asked abruptly. "What...oh...it's better. The cream is working I guess." I shrugged, the reminder of that hanging in the air. "I'm sorry I didn't stop it sooner." He apologized, his gaze dropping. "It's alright, it wasn't your fault." I attempted to reassure him. "Yeah...I just hope you're okay now." Jungkook said. 

      Is someone playing a sick joke on me right now?

"I'm okay." I muttered 

"I meant mentally."

"Oh."

"Oh?"

      Jungkook finally looked up at me and something in me sunk. This was all out of pity and guilt. Jungkook didn't care about how I felt, he cared about what he did and didn't do. He still completely hated me. His gazed dropped and he walked over to the fridge, chugging water. I almost rolled my eyes at the action, he obviously didn't want to look at me. 

       "Do you want to talk about it, Kim?" Jungkook asked and I will choke myself if he says my surname one more time. "I don't really want to talk to someone who won't look at me." I said pettily and decided to turn him around myself. 

        I reached Jungkook, but he turned around as soon as my hand landed on his shoulder. I almost made an audible gasp when Jungkook turned around, scaring and exciting me at the same time. 

       Our faces were close, really close, but at little too close for my liking. I wanted to run my hands down his face and brush the messy hair out of his eyes. My hand felt tingly because it wanted to touch him in another way so bad. I was so completely confused with why I was feeling this way when he has treated me like nothing but trash, but I also don't want to figure out why either. 

       I think it's best if I don't know why I feel the way I do. 

 

      I felt Jungkook tense underneath me and shake my hand off, which I let drop to my side. Why do you do that?" I asked, trying to reach out for him again only to be hit with a flinch. "I don't like it." Jungkook said and the way his voice seem to be filled with so much emotion made me break inside. 

       I want to know who did this to him and what made him hurt so bad. 

   "I like touching, maybe not as much as I use to." I said and I don't know why I said it. 

 

"Why is that?" He asked, his eyes meeting mine. "It's because...nothing." I almost spilt it to him, but I stopped myself. I didn't want Jungkook to know me, at least until we break this hate barrier. 

       If that'll ever even happen. 

     "Oh." Jungkook said awkwardly and my stomach dropped for some reason. 

     "Yeah." I shrugged and went to my bed. I don't know what I was expecting from him. It's not like he was going to let loose and give me a warm hug. I laid on my bed and Jungkook went to his. I thought about what just happened and realized how fast my heart was beating, how my stomach was swarmed with butterflies. 

      I didn't like it. I didn't like it. I didn't like it. 

       "You don't talk much, do you?" I asked. "I guess not." He answered. "Why?" I asked. "I don't know." I said. "Hmmm...it's just weird." I said, knowing what I was doing. 

      "Can you be quiet? I'm trying to focus." Jungkook asked of me, but I was trying to prove something. "What if I don't want to?" I smiled, that smug fucking smile I always do. "Do it anyway." He grumbled, and I could just tell he was close. 

     "You don't tell me what to do." I huffed, weird anger pushing through my chest. "Well, how about you be a decent human being and shut the fuck up?" He finally exploded. 

     Silence fell again and the sensation of pain flared in my chest. Things could never be normal between us and Jungkook and I just kept proving that to myself more and more each day. 

     "I'm going to class, I'll get the shit for you. I'd rather not see you there." I said harshly and walked out.

       I slammed the door behind me and wondered why I did that. Why did I have to annoy him so badly? I just felt the need to, everything was going too well and I think I'm scared of that. I think I'm scared of actually having Jungkook be a decent person towards because I don't think I'll handle that well. 

       Everything was contradicting in my mind. I wanted him to like me but I didn't. I wanted things to be alright so being in the dorm room wasn't so awkward, but I also didn't want that. 

       I just know I want to ignore these feelings in my chest, the feelings in my chest right now, and the best way to do that is with sex.   
******  
      "Thank you, Hobi." I sighed as the hot human being laughed. "No problem, babe. Took you long enough to come back to me." He winked and I rolled my eyes. "Wasn't my fault." I mumbled. Hoseok leaned down to kiss me softly, than my cheek, and than my forehead. 

      "I know, baby. Are you doing okay?" He cuddled into me. Everything felt too intimate, not what I'm use to with Hoseok. "Y-yeah." I stuttered, why was I nervous?

        The feeling in my chest wasn't like the intense one I get with Jungkook, this was a feeling of discomfort. "Hoseok, I'm gonna go. I should head back to my dorm and take a shower before classes start for me." I lied, I didn't want to be here though. 

Hoseok only nodded and I unwrapped myself from his grasps. I put on my clothes and walked out, I decided to head for the one place that would clear my head or take my mind of things.   
******  
I parked my car in the grass and got out. I was currently in my favorite field that I randomly discovered in the middle of driving. 

I sat on the roof of my car and closed my eyes, taking in the paradise that came with being alone. 

I wasn't very good at being alone, but sometimes I just wanted to be. I'm use to always being the one talking and bouncing off the walls, it's good to be my other self sometimes. 

The quiet, calm Taehyung that not everyone sees. 

I played calming music and just laidback on the hood of my car. I could feel myself falling asleep but I was too tired to care.   
******  
I was awoken by the sound of my phone ringing, I grumpily took it out my pocket and say an unknown number come across my screen. I was too tired to have common sense come to me, so I just picked up the phone. 

"Hello?"

"Where are you? It's 3am!"

"Jungkook?"

"Ugh...yeah. Where are you?"

"Um....I'm in the middle of a field." 

"What?"

"I just...I just needed to think."

"Do you have a car?"

"Yeah...just kind of wanted to be alone. I guess I nodded off."

"Everyone has been worried sick about you!"

"Have you- I mean, I'm sorry."

"I'm going to come to you, send me your location."

"You don't-"

The phone called ended and I sighed loudly, I don't think I want Jungkook to be here with me right now. Why does he even care about me or where I'm at? I sent the location anyway and waited for him to pull up. 

I don't even understand why he's coming, I have a fucking car. 

Ten minutes later, I saw a car pull into the grassy field. Jungkook hopped out the car and walked towards me, instantly smacking me in the forehead. 

"Ow! What the fuck?" I yelled. "That's for making everyone worry, you should've told me where you were going." Jungkook lectured, as if he actually had the right to do so. "I didn't know I had to tell you everywhere I was going, Jungkook. Do you want to know when I'm going to the bathroom and have to fucking piss?" I snapped and hopped off the roof to get in his face. 

I was tired of this "I hate you but I care" act, if he could make up his fucking mind that would be great. 

"Kim-"

"My name is Taehyung, okay? You are literally the only person who calls me by my surname! I'm really fucking tired of hearing it, okay? You know what I'm also tired of? You treating me like actual garbage. I'm a human fucking being with real fucking feelings, and I deserve to be treated like one. I'm tired of your fucking mind games. If you're going to care about me then fucking care, but if you hate me then fucking tell me and I'll leave you the fuck alone." I finally let loose. My eyes actually burned from tears, I can't believe I was crying over an asshole. 

Jungkook was silent, and I already knew the answer. I wiped my eyes and turned around, but then a wrist grabbed me and turned me around. 

Jungkook was staring me in the eyes and I felt actually weak under his stare. He always had such an intense gaze. 

"I....I don't want to hate you. I don't hate you. It's a long story that I don't want nor will explain. You...just...I'm sorry, T-Taehyung." He held onto me tightly, it almost scared me. Our bodies were pressed up against each other, his gaze feeling too intense under the stars and under the moonlight. 

       Everything felt like it was lit on fire. My heart pounded wildly in my chest, I was surprised I could hear him. My mind was completely gone at this point, I was completely gone at this point. 

"Okay." I said once I could speak properly. "Okay." He repeated. "I was having a really scary nightmare that night, thank you for waking me up." He whispered and god, it felt so fucking amazing to hear him say that. "Of course." I said as a soft smile spread across my face. 

"Should we head back to the dorm room now?" Jungkook suggested and I nodded, biting my lip. 

Jungkook pulled away from me and I could finally breathe again. I got into my car and drove off, Jungkook following behind me. My mind replaying everything that just happened like a movie, and weirdly my stomach was full of butterflies and I was smiling. 

What the actual fuck?  
******


	10. Jungkook

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jungkook’s version

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed these last few chapters so much !!! I’ve been soo busy with schoolwork that I haven’t had any free time to do what I love most :)

I had finally gotten back from hanging with Sehun and Baekhyun. It was about 2am and I was ready to pass out, I can't believe I actually thought it was a great idea to hang with them instead of sleeping. 

       I opened the door to my dorm room, everything looked too clean and untouched, as if no one's been here for a while. My stomach felt queasy as I walked towards my bed, I didn't want to look back. I tried to not look back. I tried to not care. 

It failed. 

       I turned around quickly and the bed was clean and made up. There wasn't a Taehyung in it, where I was hoping he would be. "Kim?" I yelled throughout the small dorm. 

      The bathroom didn't have a light on so he couldn't be in there. 

What am I doing? Like seriously, what am I doing? I'm not suppose to care about him, about anyone like Chanyeol ever again! Taehyung is basically a Chanyeol replica, looks like him and acts like him. They're basically twins. 

But are they?

       He's caring, Chanyeol wasn't. Chanyeol fake cared, he never really did care. Taehyung cuddled me when I was having nightmares because I asked. Chanyeol wouldn't have done that, not unless he wanted something later. Taehyung hasn't asked for anything. Not yet. 

        Who gives a fuck though? They're not different, he looks exactly like Chanyeol! 

       I angrily put on my pajamas and got into bed. This was me not caring. This was me not caring about boys like Chanyeol. This was me not caring about Taehyung and how he's doing and where he's at 2 in the morning. This was me saying fuck everyone and that no one was ever going to use me again, especially someone that looked like that one who used me in the first place. 

        I closed my eyes to sleep but I couldn't. My mind was fighting about whether caring about Taehyung was a good or bad thing. My mind told me it was bad but my heart felt a pressure, a pressure you can't ignore. Fuck my heart. Fuck feeling anything. Fuck Chanyeol for ruining something Taehyung and I could have had. Fuck Taehyung for making me care, for all these weird feelings. 

       I was so sure I could control this, I was so sure I could not give a fuck about Taehyung. Until I saw him in his most vulnerable state, and saw how broken he could get. Until he wrapped his arms around me to help me sleep, getting rid of the nightmare completely. Until he's not here at 2 in the morning and he's all I can think about, worry about. 

        I hate him, I do. I hate him because of his face and his ability to make me feel so much, to make me care. I hate him for making me care. But that's not his fault, it's mine. 

      The real reason I hate Taehyung is because of his face. That's the only reason I hate him.

I couldn't stand it anymore, I care. Fuck, I fucking care. 

I hopped out of bed and speed walked to Jimin's, praying the hall monitor wouldn't catch me. Why do we even have a goddamn hall monitor?

I pounded on the door, very loudly. I guess I didn't care about being subtle. Namjoon swung the door open, he didn't look so happy. "Jungkook, what the-"

I pushed past him, he can curse at me later. "W-where's Jimin?" I asked once I came in. "In his bed, sleeping. Are you okay?" Namjoon asked and my brain felt like someone threw it on the ground, it was racing too much for me to process that question. 

I rushed to Jimin's bed and smacked him, I smacked the shit out of his face. I hit harder than I intended but at least it woke him up easily. 

"Ow! Why the fuck did you do that?" Jimin groaned in pain. "Jungkook, you're acting crazy. What's going on?" Namjoon asked. 

I suddenly felt overwhelmed. I felt overwhelmed with my sudden feelings and realization. I felt overwhelmed with how angry and confused Jimin looked, it made me think of how my friends would look at me when I got back with Chanyeol every time. I felt overwhelmed with Namjoon's questions, there were already too many questions in my head. I felt overwhelmed with the mere thought of Chanyeol and how much I hated him, how he's the cause of all this. I was overwhelmed with the fact that Taehyung wouldn't be missing if it wasn't for me. I'm also the cause of this. It's really my fault this time. 

Tears rushed out of me before I could remind myself that I don't cry in front others. I couldn't stop, I tried but I couldn't. Everything felt like it has been let loose as if someone finally took out the final screw.

I fell to the floor and sobbed, bring my knees up to place my head on them. "Jungkook? God, what happened?" Namjoon asked as he placed his hands on my back. 

I flinched, I still hated comfort and affection. I still couldn't stand it, another impact from Chanyeol. That only made sobs wreck through me harder. 

I guess Namjoon took the hint and pulled his hand away. "Did something happen to Taehyung?" Jimin asked frantically, I could actually hear the fear in his voice. 

I was suddenly reminded why I was here and Taehyung flashed in my mind. I could only sob harder, my body shaking as I cried. "J-Jungkook, what happened?" Jimin asked. I looked up at him and through my teary vision, I could see him crying. I tried to calm myself down, crying wouldn't help Taehyung, wherever he is. 

"H-he's n-not in t-the room." I choked out. "What?" Jimin asked, shaking hand reaching out to touch me. I dodged them, of course, but thankfully Namjoon instantly hugged him. "Guys, it's Taehyung. He's probably sleeping around." Namjoon tried to reason but Jimin shook his head. "Not this late, h-he's not a morning after type of person." Jimin stuttered. "I'm going to call Hoseok, p-please call Yoongi. I need him." Jimin started to cry. 

Namjoon whipped out his phone and instantly called Yoongi and Jimin whipped out his phone and called Hoseok. I sat there watching this, tears still silently streaming down my face. 

"Yoongi, Jimin needs you. Don't ask questions just come down here"

"Have you seen Taehyung today?"

"Where is he now then?"

"Come to my dorm." Jimin said before hanging up on Hoseok. Jimin bit his fingernails nervously, tears still coming down. 

"He didn't tell you anything?" Jimin asked me and for a second I saw hope. "No, we got into an argument and he left." I answered and as the words left my mouth, the more my stomach felt queasy. "That's it?" Jimin asked and I'm thankful he didn't ask what the argument was about. I can barely remember what it was about.

I nodded and Jimin sighed, he sat on the bed and put his head in his lap. "If he's hurt, I'll fucking die." Jimin said and he stared sobbing again. 

Yoongi bursted into the room as if right on cue. "Jiminie, what happened?" Yoongi rushed to his side to hug him. Jimin held onto Yoongi like he was scared he would disappear too. "Taehyung's missing." Namjoon answered for all of us. "What?" Yoongi said and then looked at all of us, his eyes landing on me. "Oh." Yoongi noticed all the tears, except Namjoon. He was surprisingly keeping his cool. 

Hoseok came and Jin was with him. "Baby, where's Taehyung?" Jin asked Namjoon as soon as he came in. "You guys seriously haven't seen him?" Hoseok asked and everyone shook their heads. 

"Have you tried calling him?" Yoongi asked and everyone kind of went still. 

"What's his number? I'll call him." I said instantly. "What makes you think he's going to answer an unknown number over hi-"

"I said, give me his fucking number." I repeated and everyone was stunned. I was stunned myself, never would I think I would talk like that. Jimin handed me his phone and I went into the bathroom to talk to him.

     I called and he didn't pick up the first time, making me become even more worried. I called again and the phone rang longer this time.

Come on, Taehyung. 

"Hello?"

Yes!

"Where are you? It's 3am!"

"Jungkook?"

     He sounded surprised and it made my stomach turn for reasons I don't even know. 

"Ugh...yeah. Where are you?"

"Um....I'm in the middle of a field." 

A what?

"What?"

"I just...I just needed to think."

"Do you have a car?"

"Yeah...just kind of wanted to be alone. I guess I nodded off."

"Everyone has been worried sick about you!"

"Have you- I mean, I'm sorry."

I wondered what he was going to say, but I shook it off. 

"I'm going to come to you, send me your location."

"You don't-"

      I hung up before he could argue with me. My phone chimed and he sent me his location, it wasn't that far from here. My chest was filled with relief, but now I was kind of angry at him for not telling me where he went. 

    I came out the bathroom and five heads were staring at me with anticipation. "He sent me his location." I said and Jimin bursted out into a smile. 

      "Alright, let's go." Hoseok said. "No, I want to go alone." I said, my voice quiet. "What did you say, Jungkook?" Jimin asked. 

      "I," My words felt stuck in my throat before I let out a big breath. "I want to go alone." I said louder even though everything in me was telling me to shut the fuck up. "I'm sorry, but who the fuck do you think you are?" Hoseok boomed and I felt weak again. I felt like Chanyeol was squashing me with his shoe. 

      "I'm Jungkook, and I want to go alone." I forced those words out, I had to stand my ground. I had to let them know what I want. I couldn't go along with everything, I'm finally speaking my mind. "Yeah, that's not going to fucking happen. I bet if you and Taehyung hadn't fought then he would probably be home right now!" Hoseok yelled. 

      "Hoseok!" Jin hissed but I shook my head. I didn't like being yelled at, but I wasn't going to cry right now. I was going to stand up to him like I should have stood up to Chanyeol. 

      "No, you're right. I'm going to go make things right with him, so...fuck you!" I said the last words and they felt so good to get off my chest. It felt amazing to stand up for myself and tell someone to fuck off. It felt great to speak my mind. 

      "You think this is the time to make things right? He's kind of mad at you right now, pretty sure the last person he wants to see is you." Hoseok pointed out. God, this guy was really starting to bother me. 

     "Then why the fuck would he send me his location, bitch?" I sassed, my voice getting louder. 

    "Did you just call me a...? You know what, it doesn't matter. We're all going." Hoseok glared at me and I glared just as hard back. 

"No-"

      "Both of you shut the fuck up, Jungkook go get my best friend." Jimin declared. I looked up at him and he winked at me. 

I fucking love Park Jimin. 

      I rushed out the door into my car and instantly got away the building. A few minutes later, I pulled into this grassy field and hopped out the car. Taehyung was up against the roof of his car and my first reaction was to smack the shit out of his forehead. 

     "Ow! What the fuck?" He yelled in pain. "That's for making everyone worry, you should've told me where you were going." I lectured, I probably shouldn't have but did. "I didn't know I had to tell you everywhere I was going, Jungkook. Do you want to know when I'm going to the bathroom and have to fucking piss?" Taehyung snapped and got into my face. He was clearly still pissed off. 

       I know I shouldn't be surprised at this after everything but I am. I seen this coming but I guess not so soon. He looks angry, his tone making me wince. 

      "Kim-" 

      "My name is Taehyung, okay? You are literally the only person who calls me by my surname! I'm really fucking tired of hearing it, okay? You know what I'm also tired of? You treating me like actual garbage. I'm a human fucking being with real fucking feelings, and I deserve to be treated like one. I'm tired of your fucking mind games. If you're going to care about me then fucking care, but if you hate me then fucking tell me and I'll leave you the fuck alone." Taehyung ranted and I was stunned. 

I could tell him to leave me the fuck alone and never think about talking to Taehyung again. Lose a possible good friend because of Chanyeol. Chan-fucking-yeol. I knew it was wrong but I didn't want to let him go, he was the only way I could know if I was over Chanyeol. If I can look at Taehyung on a Friday and not feel anything, I will know. When I start seeing Taehyung for just Taehyung, I will know. He's my only possibility of getting over Chanyeol. 

Taehyung sighed and wiped his eyes, he was crying? He turned and I quickly grabbed his wrist, his skin burning in my hands. I made eye contact with him so he knew I was serious. 

       "I....I don't want to hate you," I started, my voice feeling stuck, but I knew I had to keep going. "I don't hate you. It's a long story that I don't want nor will explain. You...just...I'm sorry, T-Taehyung." I finished and my hands didn't want to let go. I was mostly scared but I was scared of being this vulnerable in front of the person I never thought I would be. 

Taehyung stayed silent and I waited for him to snap. I waited for him to tell me off and finally tell me I'm a fuck up. I've been a fuck up, always will be. I could still feel his skin against my palms, he was so warm. I felt like I was touching the feeling of fire in front of you. It was hot but not intolerable.

      "Okay." Taehyung finally said something. "Okay." I repeated, and I suddenly had the urge to say something. Something to make this more meaningful so that it sticks with me. "I was having a really scary nightmare that night, thank you for waking me up." I whispered shyly. "Of course." He said, a soft smile pulling at his lips. 

       "Should we head back to the dorm room now?" I suggested quickly. Taehyung nodded, taking his lip in between his teeth. 

I let go of his skin and noticed how cold my palm turned. I also realized that I touched him and didn't think about it. I walked back to my car with a small smile, that thought lingering in my mind. 

I started driving after Taehyung did and a smile was still on my lips. 

Funny how things work and play out, right? Maybe I can finally let Chanyeol go and Taehyung can help with that. 

      We walked into the college, I felt like little kids sneaking. "We have to go to Jimin's dorm." I whispered to him. Taehyung nodded and we snuck down the hall. Taehyung stood and seem to see something because he quickly sat back up against the wall. "There's a hall monitor. We have to go into the bathroom." He giggled and I started laughing to, genuine laughter. 

"Who's there?" A voice called out and my palms became sweaty. "Bathroom now!" I whispered and we quietly tiptoed across the hall. 

We got into the bathroom and laughed. "Can you find the light switch?" He asked. "No, can you?" I asked and felt around for a light switch. I finally felt it and flick it up. 

The light suddenly turned on and I was looking at Taehyung, who was weirdly blushing. "What are you blushing for?" I laughed, eyes meeting his. "I...I'm just stupid." He shook his head with a laugh. He started laughing and I noticed a small difference between Chanyeol and him. 

His laugh. His laugh and his smell. 

     "You're so weird, Taehyung." I said and he stopped laughing, I wondered if I said anything wrong. A smile broke through his face, a smile I didn't understand. 

"What?"

"You called me Taehyung."

I did?

I did. 

Things were starting to change. 

And I was scared. 

But also really fucking happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed lovies, sooo much <3


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TWIGGER WARNING  
> -panic attack  
> -mentions of rape   
> -attempted rape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m finally getting ideas again!!!

We finally got away from the hall monitor, and made a run to Jimin's room. I knocked softly on and my best friend opened the door. He knocked the breath out of me with how hard he hugged me. "I...love...you...too..Park Jimin." I squeezed out because it was hard to breathe.

 

Jimin finally let me go and then gave me a nice slap. "Don't ever worry me like that again, Kim Taehyung. I will end you." Jimin hissed before giving me another hug and a kiss on the cheek.

 

I really do love my best friend.

 

      I walked inside and was shocked when everyone was in the room. "You all came for me?" I asked and Yoongi let out a long, dramatic sigh. "Yes, yes we did." He confirmed. I suddenly think he's caring and that everyone's conception on Min Yoongi is wrong. He definitely has different sides of himself.

 

      "Where were you?" Namjoon asked. "O-oh," I could feel myself actually blushing from my own stupidity. "I...I fell asleep in the middle of a field." I laughed sheepishly. "Oh, you are so dumb." Jimin facepalmed and we all laughed.

 

     "Well, I have classes tomorrow. So I would appreciate it if you guys got out my room." Jimin said.

 

I received hugs from everyone and my heart felt warm. I noticed that Hoseok didn't hug me and it made me feel weird. I knew for a fact that I didn't have feeling for him, but it was weird of him. It was almost as if he didn't care.

 

I turned around to see Jungkook glaring at Hoseok and Hobi pushed past him and walked out the door.

 

I opened my mouth to say something but Jungkook beat me to it. "Taehyung, let's go." He said and I still wasn't use to him saying my name. It was definitely better than Kim though.I gave an extra hug to Jiminie, making to squeeze extra hard.

 

"Watch out for Hoseok." He whispered in my ear and I pulled back. I immediately starting laughing because I could never see Hoseok as a threat. "I'm serious, Taehyung. You should stop fucking him." He whispered and it almost worried me at how scared he looked.

 

What the fuck is happening?

 

I was going to ask why but Jimin gently pushed me away from him, and shook his head. I just nodded and walked out with Jungkook, who was waiting by the door.

 

I turned back to look at Hoseok, who was walking away. He turned back to look at me with I smiled, he smiled back but it wasn't real. It was a sad smile, a smile you force because you don't know what else to do in that moment. I couldn't register his facial expressions, but I waited for him to turn around before I did.

***

We reached the dorm room, after walking in silence the entire way there. Everything felt tense, but it wasn't an anger. My stomach was doing flips, but I didn't know why. I don't know what I expected in this moment, but I didn't expect him to walk past me without a word.

 

I felt something. Pain? Maybe. It was in my chest though, it hurt there. Really badly. Why did it hurt there? I've never really felt anything there before.

 

"Jung..." Fear made my voice trail off. I don't even know what I was going to stay. Jungkook turned around and stared at me. "What?" His tone came out harsh but his eyes told a different story. He had a mask on, a mask I wanted to come off. There was something about me that made him tick. Now I know it's not me, it's not about me personally. This has to do with someone else, someone that hurt him a long time ago.

 

I wanted to know who did this to him. Who hurt him to the point he would hate am innocent human being? I wanted him to stop being angry at me for things I didn't do, for him to just...to just stop. To speak calmly with me, to not be frustrated with my every word.

 

The way he stared at me in the field made me want to never annoy him again. I saw so much pain inside those brown eyes, pain that was deep down inside him. I wanted him to be normal around me, I wanted to see normal Jungkook. I wanted to see him laugh at meaningless things and see what snacks he randomly chooses to eat. I wanted to understand him. I don't know why I couldn't just skip him and move on. 

 

There was just something about him and how he felt so familiar but so out of reach.

 

"Taehyung, you're not talking." Jungkook said and tears filled my eyes. Why the hell am I so emotional all of the sudden? "Did...did you mean it?" I forced out, my lip started to tremble. Fuck, I was going to cry. I don't fucking cry like this.

 

"What?" He asked and every word made me feel weaker. "Did you mean it?" I yelled, tears rushing out my eyes. I was going to sob, I was going to sob.

 

I cared for him, weirdly I did. When I saw his whole body shake and thrash when he had that nightmare, I felt something in my chest. I looked past all those mean words and remembered when I cuddled with him. How it felt just right, how I didn't care how he was going to act in the morning. I was okay with just being there.

 

The way he looked at me in the field, I've never seen anything like it. I couldn't help but want to see it more, be surprised more.

 

"Yes." He answered. "Y-you won't b-be mean anymore?" I stuttered out, I felt like I was going to burst or just break. "I...I w-won't annoy you anymore, I p-promise." I promised through tears. I felt so weak, but I couldn't breakdown. I couldn't release it here, I just couldn't show it.

 

I felt soft hands touch my face and wipe tears that were spilling. "Please stop crying, I'm sorry." He whispered, wiping tears as they fell. My knees buckled, my lips trembled, everything was a mess. Too much of a mess.

 

Jungkook took my hand and dragged me to his bed. "S-shower." I said and he shook his head. "Morning." He insisted and pulled me down. My body hit the bed and warm arms were wrapped around me.

 

I finally let it out, it finally came out. My body shook as sobs ran through it, everything was coming out.

 

The rape.

 

The Jungkook situation.

 

Everything was finally leaving.

 

A soothing hand ran up and down my back and one in my hair. I heard him whisper words, but I didn't pay attention to them. I just finally cried, I cried in arms I didn't expect to cry in.

 

I pulled back to look at him and he looked at me. Jungkook was crying also but still wiping my tears. "Hey...I'm really fucking sorry." He apologized. "I know, I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have been so rude." I apologized.

 

A soft smile spread acrossed my lips. "Are we good?" I asked and he nodded."Yeah, we're good." He smiled, a smile I thought would never be directed towards me.

*********

*one month later*

 

It's been a month since Jungkook and I made up, and nothing has ever felt so good in my life. I could actually consider him a friend at this point, maybe a close friend.

 

He's pretty secretive but I have no problem telling him about me. I've noticed when we talk about past relationships he tends to shut that conversation down real quick. He'll send me a quick smile and shake his nod, and I know not to press on.

 

I've also noticed that Friday's are the weirdest day of the week. That's when he tends to have nightmares, and I notice his tone is a little bit harsher towards me on that day. I didn't want to push it, but I did wonder.

 

Jungkook was currently laying across my bed. He was just looking on his phone and in a sweatshirt, with jeans. I had just finished showering and we're going to meet the others down for breakfast. "Why do you always feel the need to lay on my bed?" I asked as I sat next to him.

 

"It's comfy." He smiled, but his eyes didn't leave his phone. I snatched it out his hands so he would look at me. Jungkook sat up and his eyes met with mine.

 

I could hear his small gasp, and I watched him close his eyes tightly before opening them again. He did this a lot around me, especially when he looked at me too fast. I tried not to frown when it happened but I couldn't help it.

 

"Taehyung...you're frowning again." Jungkook stated and I shook my head. "Don't worry your pretty little head about it, Jungkook." I tapped his forehead. Jungkook gave me a smile, but it was forced. I've only seen his real smile a couple of times since last month, it was kind of hurting.

 

I don't know why I expected more from him now. I just wanted him to take off his mask, I was to see him be completely vulnerable. I want him to be how he was in the field. I still think about that everyday. The stare embedded in my mind. I wanted him to stare at me like that again, forever maybe.

 

"Don't call me pretty, I'm not pretty." Jungkook frowned. I laughed until I realized he was actually serious. "Jungkook, you're literally one of the hottest guys in the school right now. You can literally ask anyone." I told him. Jungkook looked down, but his cheeks were glowing red.

 

Cute, I thought. Every time he does something small I think that, it's just been a reoccurring thought lately. "Whatever, we should head down to breakfast." He said as he stood.

 

"Breakfast is overrated, I want to stay in bed." I whined. "I could bring you breakfast if you want me to." Jungkook offered and that offer was very tempting. "Can you please? Bring Jimin back with you also." I smiled.

 

       "Deal, but you owe me." Jungkook. "What do you want?" I asked, my tone just slightly flirtatious. "I'll think of something." Jungkook shrugs, and it kind of sends a shiver down my spine. Jungkook walks out the door and leaves me alone in the room.

 

      After 30 minutes, there's a knock on the door. I get up and run to it because I'm starving. I opened it and I wasn't expecting him to be at my door.

 

My smile drops.

 

My stomach turns.

 

"Min-Jun?"

 

       "Hi, Tae." He smiled. The sight of his smile made me want to throw up. He pushed past me and entered the dorm room. My first thought was to leave, but he grabbed my wrist and slammed the door shut behind me. "Don't go anywhere." He said and patted my head.

 

       "What a-are you doing here?" My body felt so small and weak. I was trapped between him and the door behind me. Nothing was in my grasps, I couldn't defend myself at all.

 

      "I wanted to see my favorite person." Min-Jun laughed. He definitely wasn't in the right mind. "I think you owe me something, Tae." He whispered. I didn't like the way he whispered or said my name, his breath smelled disgusting. It was a mixture of cigarettes and alcohol.

 

      His hands went down to my ass and gripped it. It was rough, he was rough. I put my hands up again this chest and tried to push him away but I was too weak.

 

I was always too weak.

 

      He bit down on my neck as I struggled to push him off. "Stop, please. I don't want this." I tried using my words, but it was no help. "Min-Jun, get the fuck off of me!" I yelled and I felt a sharp slap come to my face. Tears sprung from my eyes as another slap met my face. "You think you can just talk to me that way?" He growled in my ear.

 

      I shook my head, it was best if I just gave in. My mind started going numb again as he dragged me to my bed. I felt like a lifeless doll as he laid me down. Tears were pouring down my face, but I didn't have the energy to say stop anymore. He took off my shirt, my body felt colder now. "You like it, don't you?" He kissed down my chest, sucked on my chest and neck, and sucked on my nipple.

 

     I started to cry more, I didn't like it. I wanted him away from me. I wanted Jungkook to rush in here and save me again.

 

Jungkook, please.

 

Please save me.

 

      "What the fuck?" A voice boomed. "Fuck." I heard Min-Jun whisper. My eyes were tear filled so I couldn't see anything. I felt a weight lifted off of me and I heard Jimin and Jungkook screaming.

 

      "I said not to come back!" Jungkook yelled. "I will fucking kill you!" Jimin shouted. Noises started to blend together, my mind was malfunctioning.

 

       Everything was starting to get even more blurry, but not from tears this time. I closed my eyes and suddenly I didn't hear anything anymore.

******

 _I_ _was_ _surrounded_ _by_ _something_ _dark_. My body could only feel fear. Dirty hands were reaching out to touch me, and I couldn't push them off. I was being laughed at, taunted, but I couldn't say anything. I wanted to scream stop and I wanted them to go away, but it wasn't working. No one was listening to me, I wasn't here to exist. I was here for pleasure. Another set of hands came but they felt different. My stomach calmed as these hands touched me. They were gentle, not destructive. These hands wanted to build me up and not destroy me. I could feel myself drifting, falling further and further into something. I wasn't panicking though because I knew these hands were protecting me.

 

     "What?" Was the first thing I said when my eyes finally opened. I was laying on my bed, but I wasn't in my shirt. I felt arms wrapped around my waist, and I looked to see a shirtless Jungkook. Jimin was sleeping on the other side of me.

 

      Thoughts poured in and they felt overwhelming. I remember the rough hands against my body and suddenly a sob leaped out of my throat. "Taehyung?" Jungkook said. I looked at his worried face through tears and fell into his chest. It felt warm and comfortable,  it felt like the hands that took me way from the dirty ones. "Tae?" I heard Jimin say.

 

     I instantly pulled back from Jungkook, Jimin's arm always had a feeling of home. "I-it happened again! Why did it happen again?" I cried. Hands were running soothingly through my hair and up and down my chest, but there were too many hands. I felt like I was suddenly suffocating underneath their touches. It was almost funny how suffocated I felt in arms that always comforted me.

 

      When I felt like I couldn't breathe anymore, I pulled away. I gasped for air to desperately reach my lungs and it almost felt like no air was coming. I was suddenly gasping and gasping for more, but nothing was working. Fear bloomed in my chest as I realized I couldn't get the air I needed.

 

       Arms grabbed my face and I was suddenly faced with deep brown eyes.

 

       "Look at my mouth." Jungkook spoke slowly. My eyes moved erratically unable to calm down. "Hey, take a deep breath in and look at my mouth." Jungkook said and I did as he told. I took a deep breath in and looked at his small, pink lips. "Look at my nose." He said. I exhaled the breath I was holding and looked at his nose, my heartbeat slightly calming against my chest. "Now, look at my eyes." He whispered.

 

      I looked at the deep, brown eyes in front of me. My body being washed over with a sense of calm. "Take deep breaths in and let them out." Jungkook whispered softly. I did as he said and my heartbeat was calmer. "Are you okay?" Jimin asked. I nodded, my eyes feeling like more tears were going to pour out.

 

       Jungkook let go off my face and almost felt stun for a second, even a little woozy. I put my body against the wall and stared at the two in front of me. Jungkook and Jimin were sitting in front of me, criss cross apple-sauce. It was weird how I noticed that small detail, I don't usually do that.

 

      "Can you believe I almost got raped? Again?" I laughed but they weren't. "Tae-"

 

      "Like that's so fucking hilarious!" I couldn't help but start crying. "Like wow, twice in a row! I should just wear a big sign that says "come get me"!" Tears poured heavily out of my face.

 

Everything just felt so unreal. Every little thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear happier chapters are coming, and taekook fluff :)


	12. Jungkook

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kind of depressing lmfaoo

Taehyung started to break down again and I didn't know what to do. I didn't think it was best to touch him, that could give him another panic attack. Does he even know he had a panic attack? 

Jimin was crying next to me and I awkwardly sat there, not knowing how to comfort the crying two. I felt more comfortable touching Taehyung than Jimin at this point, but Jimin looked like he needed a hug. 

I wrapped my arms around him, and his head rested on my shoulder as he cried. There was a sudden knock on the door, and I heard Taehyung's audible gasp. "Hey, I got it, okay? It's nothing." I reassured him. 

It was so weird seeing him so scared when he was so carefree just days ago. Taehyung was smiling and flirting with every guy he came in contact with, especially me. I was slightly uncomfortable, but I'm learning that's just how he is. Another difference between Chanyeol and him. 

Chanyeol flirted with others out of spite, to make me mad. Taehyung was naturally flirty, flirtatious marks just rolled out his mouth. He wasn't even trying sometimes. 

I cracked the door slightly to see Yoongi. I stepped outside and closed the door behind us. I didn't want to break the news to him, but Taehyung and Jimin weren't able to do it. 

       "What's happening? Where's Jimin?" Yoongi asked worriedly. "Tae....Taehyung was attacked again." My stomach churned as I said those words. "What? He was raped?" Yoongi asked desperately. "No...I don't know...he won't tell us anything. We haven't asked." I stuttered out. "Can I see him?" Yoongi asked permission as if I was going to say no. "Yeah, of course." I opened the door and heard Taehyung screaming. 

"No! He did not do this! No!" Taehyung cried and I ran to the bathroom to see what was going on. Taehyung was shirtless with hickeys littered all across his body. There were bite marks and dark red hickeys all over.

      I rushed to him and saw the his horrific expression in the mirror. Jimin was shaking and trying to calm Taehyung down. Taehyung started sobbing hysterically, falling to the ground. Yoongi and I watched this whole thing go down, shock was most likely making us speechless. Taehyung suddenly got up and rushed to the toilet and vomited, I could see the barf coming out.  

      Jimin rubbed his back as his best friend threw up in the toilet. My hands felt heavy at my side, for the first time in a long time I felt the need to touch Taehyung. 

      I wanted to rub his back and run my fingers through his hair. I wanted him to curl up next to me and fall asleep peacefully. I wanted to playfully hit him after the flirty jokes got too flirty for my liking. I just wanted him to be okay. 

       "Go get him water." I said, trying to keep my voice steady. Yoongi rushed to the kitchen and rushed back. He handed me to the water bottle and pushed my forward. I turned back to him and he was holding his nose and shaking his head. I just nodded and handed the water bottle to Jimin before getting out the vomit smelling bathroom. 

Taehyung was curled up in a ball and had tears coming out his eyes. It reminded me of my old self and how after every fight Chanyeol would ruin me like this. It was almost like looking in a mirror even though Taehyung and Chanyeol were the ones who looked alike. 

"I...I want a hoodie." Taehyung said in a shaky voice. "I got it." I said and went to grab the nearest hoodie I could find. It just happened to be mine, but I didn't really care. If it smelt too much like vomit than I would just wash it. Taehyung slipped it over his body and went back to his curled up position. 

"Tae-"

"Get out."

"What?"

"Please, get out."

"Oh." Jimin sounded so defeated and I watch Yoongi grab his arm and slowly walk Jimin away from Taehyung. I laid down next to Taehyung so that he was looking at me. Tears were pouring down his face, but he wasn't sobbing. Is this how I looked? 

I tried to wipe the tears from his face, but he pulled away from me. "Go away." He whispered. "You shouldn't lay on the floor, you should get to a bed." I whispered. "No, I want you to go away." Taehyung repeated. 

I thought it was best to leave him, pushing him is probably not the best for him. I got up and looked at his broken form one more time, and tears actually started to sting my eyes. 

As soon as I left the bathroom, the door was slammed shut. I looked at Yoongi and Jimin on my bed while I sat against the bathroom door. "Jimin, you're too broken to be here." Yoongi whispered. "No, he's my best friend. I'm staying." Jimin declared and laid down on my bed. "Okay." Yoongi said and laid down with him. 

I thought about whether or not I should call the others and let them know everything. It might cause a big commotion, that's the last thing Taehyung needs. 

Who am I to say what Taehyung needs? I sound dumb. I got up from the floor and walked over to Jimin and Yoongi. "Should I...should I tell the others?" I asked. "You can call Namjoon and Jin, don't tell Hoseok right now." Yoongi stated. "Why can't we tell Hoseok?" I asked. "He's going to overreact and it might upset Tae." Jimin whispered. 

"Why does he do that by the way?" I asked. I've noticed that he's very caring and maybe even dramatic when it comes to Taehyung. It's not a bad thing, just a little over the top. Jimin sighed loudly and curled back up into Yoongi's side, who was looking quite panicked. 

"He just likes knowing Taehyung is alright." Yoongi answered. I decided not to ponder it, the less I know the better. You can't know the drama if you're oblivious, and I want to stay oblivious. "Oh okay." I said awkwardly and I could feel the awkward tension. 

"I'll text Joon and Jin." Jimin groaned and grabbed his phone. He vigorously typed the message on his phone and sent it out before throwing his phone of the carpet floor. I picked it up and place it on my nightstand. "You think we can talk to him now?" Jimin asked softly. "You should try it, he'll most likely talk to you more." I suggested. Jimin nodded and lifted himself off the bed. I walked over to the bathroom door with him, and he softly tapped on the door. 

"Tae? It's Jimin. You want to open up for me?" Jimin asked. There was a soft whimper that I couldn't make out. "Did you hear him?" Jimin whispered to me. I answer with a shake of my head. "Tae, can you repeat that babe?" Jimin asked softly. "I...I don't want to talk to anyone." Taehyung murmured loud enough for us to hear. "Okay...we don't have to talk about it. Jungkook, Yoongi, and I just want to sit with you." Jimin explained. 

Me? I don't know if I'm socially prepared to be in there, but I'll do it for him. The door opened just a crack and Taehyung poked his head out. "No talking." He stated. "No talking." Yoongi repeated as he walked towards us. Taehyung opened the door and sat on the floor. We all sat with him in the semi-small bathroom. It was kind of weird since no one was talking but if it was making Taehyung comfortable than I guess this was okay. 

Taehyung has his hands buried in his knees. He was basically huddled in himself. His hair was sticking in all types of ways, almost like-

"Hedgehog." I said out loud accidentally. Taehyung slowly raised his tear faced head and made eye contact with me. "What?" He asked, his voice sounding strained. My face was basically burning as everyone looked at me. "You...I....I just thought you looked like a hedgehog. Y...you know because...you're hair...is...yeah." I mumbled. 

I looked up at Taehyung and saw a soft smile was spread across his face. "You're so weird, Kookie." Taehyung giggled and that was the first time I seen a genuine smile of his face. 

      I definitely felt my chest burn and tighten at the nickname, but the way Taehyung was smiling seem to make the pain less. Jimin patted my thigh, his smile showed his words. 

      For the first time in a while, I felt proud of myself. I felt that Chanyeol was wrong and that I can make others happy. I can make others care for me. 

       "I have an essay due." Taehyung muttered. "You don't have to do it, I can talk to your teacher." Yoongi offered. "Don't pity me!" Taehyung snapped at him. 

     "Oh." Yoongi looked down. "I'm...I'm sorry, just please don't pity me. Treat me normal." Taehyung apologized. 

       This was just like the first time. I noticed that Taehyung doesn't like being treated with pity, I guess I'll try to treat him as normal as possible. "Taehyung," Jimin spoke up. "This isn't normal. This doesn't happen everyday." Jimin reminded him and I almost see the light leaving Taehyung's eyes. 

      "Don't you think I know that? Why would be sitting here in the fetal position, crying my eyes out if this is normal? I know this is not normal, Park Jimin. My body right now is not normal. My mom right now is not normal. Nothing is fucking normal, but at least treat me fucking normal." Taehyung said harshly. The words weren't even directed at me but I could still feel the venom in them. 

       "Okay." Jimin finally said after the two minutes of silence. The air felt almost tight in here, maybe it was from all the tension, maybe it’s because I couldn’t stand seeing Taehyung like this. I cleared my throat even though I had nothing to say. "I...I think I'll wait outside." I said after breathing in here became unbearable. 

“Of course you would.” Taehyung muttered. “What does that mean?” I shot back. “What I just said.” Taehyung said harshly. I didn’t want to be mad at him, but fuck that made me angry. “I heard you, but tell me what the fuck you mean.” I cursed. Taehyung stood and got in my face. 

“I mean, you don’t care about anyone but your fucking self. You can’t even be in here with me after something traumatic happened to me. Why is that Jungkookie? Is it getting hard to breathe in here, huh? Is it too hard for you to breathe?” Taehyung taunted. 

Fuck, it was also working. “Do you even hear yourself right now?” I asked. “Yeah, I hear myself loud and fucking clear. You’ve made it pretty clear that you don’t care about anyone.” Taehyung retaliated. 

“You have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about. I do fucking care, I’ve especially grown to care about you! The one person I thought I would never give a fuck about. You want to know how I know I fucking care, huh? I let you touch me when I can barely stand affection, I let you call me as many pet names as you want when I can’t stand them, I let you flirt with me because you’re the only person I’ve become blind to when it comes to compliments, I look past it when you call me “Kookie” even though it makes my chest burn with hatred. I talk to you and play around with you on Fridays when it’s the one day I don’t want to talk to anyone, especially you because look so much like him! This past month, I’ve opened up to you more than you can fucking believe. I may not talk about my life and I may not tell you my secrets, but trust me I have opened up to you through the way my body reacts to you. So fuck you, fuck you for saying I don’t care. If I didn’t fucking care, you would be the first to know.” I ranted. 

I walked out the bathroom and walked out the door. Jin And Namjoon were running down the halls, Joon grabbing me as soon as they reached me. “Why are you crying? Is Taehyung okay?” Namjoon asked me. 

What? I was crying? 

“He’s in the room, they’re all in the bathroom.” I told him, wiping away all the tears that were falling. “Why are you crying, babe?” Jin asked. “Don’t call me that, hyung,” I said through clenched teeth. “I really don’t like pet names.” I reminded him. “Only from Taehyung.” Namjoon said to me, but it wasn’t in a joking form. It was like he was trying to get something out of me. 

“I...I got to go.” I pushed past them and I’m glad they didn’t say another word. 

I headed for the library since barely anyone ever goes in there. I headed for the very back, of the library. I was sure no one was going to be in there. I was surprised when I saw Lisa sitting down, crying on the floor. 

“Lisa?” I asked even though I knew it was her. “Hey, Kook.” She smiled, but I could see the pain behind it. “Are you okay?” I asked. “I fucked up, Jungkook.” Lisa wiped her tears and pushed her head up against the locker. “How?” I asked. “I fell in love, I fell stupidly in love with her.” Lisa answered. 

“Who?” I asked. “She just wants to be friends with benefits, she doesn’t want me romantically.” Lisa rambled, ignoring my question. “Who?” I repeated. “Bro, are you a fucking owl?” She laughed but it was a bitter laugh. “Lis, who did this?” I repeated, ignoring her remark. 

“Jennie, I’m in love with Jennie.” Lisa told me and my mouth dropped. Jennie? Jennie Kim? “Pick your mouth up, it shocks everyone I tell. We’re very secret with everything. I haven’t even told Jisoo or Rosé yet. She wants to keep it a secret, so it doesn’t disrupt the group.” She sighed. 

“Lisa, you don’t deserve that. Jennie is a great person, but this isn’t right for you.” I told her. 

“I know, but she’s all I want. She’s all I’ve ever wanted,” Lisa’s voice cracked. “And...and I don’t want to cry. I d-don’t want to be a little bitch over her. I-I’m just so s-stupid and...and hurt because she’s never going to...to see me that way, man.” Lisa started crying, tears rushing down her face. 

“I understand that, but it’s clearly hurting you. You need to end things with her, maybe she’ll see what she missed. If not, then you move on and love someone else.” I advised. Lisa wiped her tears and nodded her head. 

“I’ll try, I’ll really try.” She said and I nodded. “What are you doing back here?” Lisa asked and the question kind of confused me until I realized the reason I was back here. “I’m kind of running away from someone right now.” I worded it. 

“Like gang members?” Lisa asked and I started laughing, it felt good. “No, more like I said something too personal and I don’t want to see their reaction.” I explain. “Did you confess to someone?” She asked and I shook my head. “No...nothing like that. I just told them how much I care about them, but it wasn’t the right time to do that. They just kept pushing my buttons until it all came out.” I sighed. 

Kim Taehyung leaves me such a mess sometimes. “Do you like them?” Lisa asked. My brain froze for a second, but there’s no way I could like him right? I didn’t have romantic feelings around him, but he also gave me emotions no one else did. That was the feeling of caring though, it’s not romantic feelings.

“N-no.” I stuttered. “Go back to him, Jungkook.” Lisa said quickly. “What? Why?” I asked. “You don’t know it yet, but something is going to happen to your heart. Go back and get that reaction before your heart gets too involved.” Lisa advised. “I can’t just leave you here crying.” I said. “Yes you can and you will, Jungkook do this for me. It’ll make me feel so much better.” Lisa reassured. 

I only nodded before standing, looking back at Lisa one more time. “You’re pretty cool, Lis.” I smiled at her. “Right back at you, Kook.” Lisa said and a genuine smile went across her face.   
**********

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it’s gets happier I swear, hope you enjoyed !!! Thank you for reading :)


	13. Taehyung

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y’all might hate me for this but all in good time ;)

       I made everyone leave after Jungkook stormed out. The pain in chest doubled when I saw him walk away because of my stupid mouth. I don't even know what I was trying to prove, or if I wanted him to agree with me. 

      Jimin scolded me right afterwards, and it made me thankful. I fucked up, and I didn't want them to look past that because of what happened. 

      I keep looking at the hickeys, I feel so disgusted. Why did he have to mark me? Was he trying to make a point? What was the point of him doing this? Why did he want to make me so fucking miserable? 

A heard the door open and I grabbed the scissors. I sat on my bed, my heart beating so fast in my chest. Jungkook came around the corner and saw the scissors in my hand. I could see his expression soften as he came towards me. His soft hands grabbed the scissors and laid them on my nightstand.

“You’re okay.” He whispered as he softly caressed my cheek. I pulled him down so he was sitting next to me and I wrapped my arms around his neck and his arms went around my waist. “I’m so sorry.” I apologized with my face buried into his neck. “It’s okay.” Jungkook said and I pulled back to look at him. 

Our faces were intimately close and I noticed how Jungkook pulled back a little more. “Who is he?” I asked in a whisper and I could see Jungkook’s face slightly change. Anger? Maybe. Sadness? Definitely. 

“I don’t...I don’t talk about that Taehyung.” He reminded me like he did the last time I brought it up. “Jungkook, you can trust me. I’m not going to use it against you. I’m not going to use you. I’m not going to try to control you, I just want to know. I want to understand you better, I want to know what makes you, you.” I explained and I could see his face soften. Tears started coming out of his eyes and I wiped each one that fell. 

“You...you mean that?” Jungkook stammered and I nodded. “I mean it more than anything, I want to know who did this to you.” 

Jungkook sighed loudly and gave me a broken smile. “I’ll tell you.” He said.   
*****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a little cliffhanger !! Thank you for reading


	14. Jungkook

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the chapter y’all been waiting for ;)

My hands started shaking, could I really tell him? I looked at Taehyung, his eyes were soft as he patiently waited for me. Something in that calmed me. His eyes were patient, they weren't rushing me or yelling at me. It was time he knew why I hated him so much, it was time I stop running away from Chanyeol and my abusive past. I needed to let go. 

This past month, I've never felt freer from Chanyeol. I let people touch me, I let Taehyung call me pet names, even barely batted an eye every time Sehun said them sometimes, I even let Taehyung call me Kookie from time to time. I was letting go, but I knew that this was exactly what I needed to do to finally let go for good. 

"His name is Chanyeol," I said, my voice shaky. "And he emotionally abused me." I said. I tried to keep my voice steady and strong. 

"We met my 8th grade year, I thought he was so handsome. Chanyeol helped me realize I was gay, actually. We became friends and soon enough I started to have a crush on him. Skip forward to 10th grade, he had finally admitted that he liked me back. Friday, November 23rd. It was a school dance, and he asked me to dance. The song was Little Things, by One Direction. While we were dancing, he kissed me. It was our first kiss, my first kiss. That's when I realized I loved him. It was the best memory I ever had. I've never wanted to kiss someone more, I never wanted hands against my skin more, I just never wanted him to let me go. That's...That's why I hated affection for so long. He made me love it more than anyone else, no one else could touch me the way he did. I couldn't believe I'd ever find someone who touched me like he did." I told him the beginning. 

Taehyung was looking at me still, his eyes locking with mine. He wiped my tears and leaned forward, placing a soft kiss on my forehead. "Please continue." He whispered. 

Suddenly, I felt safe. I found the difference between Taehyung and Chanyeol, the answer I've been looking for. 

Safety. 

Taehyung gave me a feeling of safety, not the way Chanyeol did. Sometimes I worried about telling Chanyeol things because he would later use it against me, but my heart and brain knew Taehyung wouldn't. He wouldn't take my most vulnerable story and use it again me, and that's the biggest difference I could see now. His smell, his laugh, the feeling of safety was what made him different from Chanyeol. 

I felt stronger to continue now, I wasn't that weak boy I use to be. I was someone else, I was a stronger version of myself. I'm the person I needed to be in high school. 

"Dating him felt like a dream, more than a dream. Some days I truly couldn't believe it, I was so sure I had found my soulmate. We even had a special day to each other every Friday because he thought we needed something to make us different from other couples. That's why I hate them so much, it reminds me of all my best memories with him. I don't want to be reminded of those." I paused. 

Here comes the part I hated the most, where my dream turned into a nightmare. Where Chanyeol turned into a nightmare. 

"I remember the first time he cheated on me, my heart never felt more broken in my entire life. It was like the angel that took me away from my physically abusive dad and insecurities, died right in front of me. I remember believing that I wasn't good enough for him if he did this. I truly believed I deserved this because I was that insecure. I remember him telling me that no one was ever going to love me like he did. He told me I was a burden that no one wanted to put up with. I was stupid enough to believe him, I was so stupid to fall in love with him. Chanyeol told me he would kill himself if I left him, and that's the last thing I wanted him to do so I stuck by him. That night was also three days after the first time we fucked. He insisted that we should do it more often, so he doesn't lose anymore love for me. I didn't want to, but I felt like that was the only way for me not to lose him. I was so scared of losing him."  I took a deep breath in, my mind felt like it was being overwhelmed. I knew I had to keep going though, I couldn't stop now. I exhaled and continued. 

     "After that, Chanyeol continued to cheat on me. Every time he did it, it broke me more and more. It came to the point where I became suicidal. My friends begged me to leave him, but I never could. He was my first everything, how could I let that go? Most days I loved him more than anything, I was prepared to basically die for him. Some days I wish I never met him, hatred burned in me when I looked at him sometimes. I just couldn't deny the fact that I was in love with him. I had never felt so fucking miserable yet so happy with a person." I told him, my story almost coming to an end. 

"Chanyeol ended it at the beginning of my senior year, and fuck, I was a fucking mess. The very next week he started dating someone else, I could barely stand the sight of it. I felt so worthless and used, mostly because I was. My self confidence had plummeted and I lost all motivation to do well in school. My abusive dad gotten worst and everyday felt like a constant battle. I almost killed myself with pills in the school bathroom, but weirdly Chanyeol caught me. He told me he wasn't sorry for anything he did, but he did want me to live. It hurt me, but I felt so much better when I punched him in the fucking face. I remember telling him that I'm going to live, that I don't need his help, and that he can definitely kiss my fucking ass. I skipped school that day and started looking for my birth mother. I finally found her after three months of searching and reached out to her. I later moved in with her after my father went to jail for beating me into a pulp. She saved me from my drug addiction and got me into this college after senior year. I'm forever thankful for her." I finished with a smile, I truly love my mom. 

"That's when I met you and I was so goddamn angry to have met you. I hated you for how much you looked like him so much that I became blind to the fact that you weren't him. I let myself forget you weren't him, and proceeded to take so much pent up anger out on you. For that I'm so fucking sorry, Kim Taehyung. You didn't deserve that shit from me and I was wrong for treating you like that. You taught me people are different and that people can change in such a little amount of time. My mind is slightly different, in a good way, now because of you. I'm learning to trust, care, and become more open to people. Thank you." I finally got the words off my chest. 

The story that I've been holding in was finally told to the one person I thought I'd never tell. My shoulders felt lighter, someone knew my struggles. Someone understood me, and knew who I was. There was no longer a mask I had to put on, even if it was just with one person. I'd learn to take if off in front of others as well. 

"You're so beautiful and strong. I truly don't know how you did it. You didn't deserve any of that and whatever vicious words he said, aren't true." Taehyung wiped the tears coming down his face. 

Hearing him say those words felt good. I didn't know I needed to hear those words until now. "Thank you." I whispered, a sob forming in my throat. 

"It's okay to cry, Jungkook. You're allowed to cry about this." Taehyung told me and I shook my head. "I've cried too much about this already." I said. "There's no such thing, come here." Taehyung said as he spread his arms open. 

I looked at those open arms, and never felt more comfortable in my life. I knew if he had tried to hug me when I first met him, I probably would've beat him into a pulp. Now, I suddenly felt so comfortable leaping into the arms in front of me. 

A loud sob escaped my throat as Taehyung cuddled me. This is what safety felt like and I was thankful that I finally got to know what it felt like.   
**********

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was lowkey so crappy I’m sorry, next chapter will be better I promise


	15. 15. Taehyung

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is so sad damn i did it again

Tears slipped out my eyes as I held him. I finally knew his truth, even if it's just a part of it. I knew why he glared at me on Fridays, why hated pet names, and most importantly, why he hated me. 

      I tried to stay strong and not sob, I held back sobs as Jungkook sobbed in my arms. I could feel the wetness on my shirt and tightness at my waist. This moment felt surreal, it felt like a moment you didn't think could happen.

     It felt like a moment you only dreamt of, never ever thinking you could touch.  I never thought I could touch him, not in this way. I never thought he'd fall into my arms so vulnerably, so open. 

     I went into a daze, I didn't even know if I was blinking or not. My eyes were fixed on the lamp in our dark room. 

My mind replayed every moment since I met Jungkook. It’s weird seeing us now since our beginning was so horrible. I also remember parts I didn’t want to remember. 

I closed my eyes and saw dirty hands, running up and down my body like I wasn’t human. I saw lips biting on me and it physically hurt even though nothing was there. 

Jungkook touching me suddenly felt unbearable, I felt suffocated under the touch of him. 

My body reacted before I could think and I pushed him away from me. I just needed to catch my breath, why couldn’t I catch it? Why couldn’t I have been smart enough to not almost get assaulted? Why did he leave these hickeys all over me?

“Taehyung.” Jungkook said softly and reached out for me. My whole body practically jumped away from the hand reaching out for me. I just couldn’t feel anything but dirty hands. I felt so fucking dirty. 

“I’m sorry, I feel so dirty.” I tried explaining, but nothing felt right. I felt like an idiot as I watched Jungkook expression change. He went from a sobbing mess to worried in about five seconds. I’m suppose to be the one comforting him, not the other way around. 

“Taehyung, what’s going on?” He asked and I noticed how his hands seem to retract slowly to his side. I noticed how he placed them on his thighs, lightly squeezing them underneath his palms. I looked up to see his eyes red and tear streaks left on his face. His hair was also a mess, the front of it especially messy. I noticed the way he slowly let his chest fall and rise, almost as if he was reminding himself not to hold his breath. I should remind myself not to hold my breathe as well. 

Small things. I was noticing small things. 

I never noticed small things. 

I lived carelessly and impulsively, what I want I got. Maybe that was the problem, maybe I needed to shut the fuck up sometimes. What if it’s time I notice the small things? What if it times I start thinking about my actions instead of just running into things? 

My whole body felt tense, as if I was trying to jump out of myself. Like I was trying to jump out this dirty cage, but I was trapped. I felt trapped within myself. 

Soft hands met my cheek, but I couldn’t help but smack the hand away. Every hand felt dirty, even my own. I never felt dissatisfaction with myself until now. God, I was such a fucking whore. I almost got raped twice because I needed a dick in my mouth. 

“Tell me what you’re thinking.” Jungkook whispered. His hands retracted again, his thighs were squeezed again. 

“Why are you squeezing your thigh?” I asked abruptly, even though I knew it had nothing to do with the current situation. 

“What are you talking about?” Jungkook asked. Ah, it’s an unconscious thing. 

“Why aren’t you breathing properly? Are you nervous? Your chest is rising and falling with a stutter.” I continued with my ramble even though he was confused. 

“You know what I don’t get? I don’t get why I feel so fucking dirty,” I stood, my body was itching to move. “I shouldn’t be feeling dirty right? I’m the fucking victim! I haven’t done anything wrong. But I can’t help but feel so fucking disgusted with myself. All I do is fuck, like I’m made for fucking people. Maybe I should just become a fucking sex doll, so I can be fucking used whenever. My life doesn’t mater right? Who gives a fuck about the actual Kim Taehyung, right? As long as I look this attractive, my personality doesn’t matter, right?”

“Taeh-”

“But it does fucking matter! It matters because I’m not just a fucking sex toy for someone’s enjoyment!” I yelled at the top of my lungs. “Why does no one see that? Why does no see me? Why can’t people see that I like photography, that I like dogs, that I like painting, I like singing in the shower, I like being with people I care about, I like playing fucking Overwatch. It’s almost like I’m nothing without my body.” I felt a sob escape my throat, it came fast and heavy. Tears bursting out of me in seconds. 

Hands wrapped around my body. It felt nice at first, but then I started to hate the feeling of hands on me. 

“Don’t touch me!” I yelled. I was satisfied when those words actually worked, because they didn’t seem to work before. 

Joy from that made small fits of laughter escape from me. I was literally such an emotional fucking wreck right now. My mind felt overpowered with emotion, rational thoughts were far gone. 

Maybe I am a whore, maybe I deserve what’s happening to me. 

“I’m a whore, right? That’s why this happened? That’s the reason, right? I did this, I did this to myself.” I grabbed at Jungkook, who eyes opened a little. I could see tears in his eyes, all the fucking pity he felt for me right now. 

“Stop crying, Jungkook. We have no one to blame, but me.” I smiled at him, my smile felt terrible. It has never felt so unreal. 

“P-please stop. God, Taehyung.” Jungkook whimpered. “I’m truly just a whore, Jungkook.” I said. 

I couldn’t stay here, I couldn’t stay here and be with him. I couldn’t breathe in here anymore, I needed to be who I’m supposed to be. 

An object. 

Something for somebody’s pleasure. 

“Where are you going?” Jungkook grabbed my arms. “Let me go, Jungkookie. I need to do something.” I grabbed the hands on my arms and softly removed them. “Don’t do anything stupid, Taehyung.” Jungkook warned. “I know, I know.” I said as I grabbed my jacket. 

I looked back at him and smiled. I knew I wasn’t thinking straight, but he couldn’t have stopped me if he tried. 

I left the dorm room and thought to myself for a second. After my mind was set, I headed straight for a certain dorm. 

I know softly at the door, hoping it would wake him up. The door opened and I smiled at the person in front of me. 

“Taehyung?” He said, his voice still full of sleep. 

“Hey, want to walk with me? Bring your vodka.” I said. “Why are you here? Do you know what time it is?” He asked and I nodded. 

“Yes, so are you going to walk with me or not?” I asked and he just nodded. “Just let me get ready, fuck.” He whispered and I nodded. I waited patiently, rocking back and forth on my heels. 

He came back out with a vodka bottle in his hands. I smiled at this bottle in front of me, it’ll help me forget. “You want to go sit in my car?” He asked and I nodded. 

We walked to his car in silence and I actually felt excitement once we got there. I knew I was going to regret this, I knew I was going to hate myself for everything I’m about to do. I just couldn’t seem to care, I felt numb. 

I got in the car and took the vodka bottle from his hands. I chugged straight from the bottle, taking about a quarter of the bottle. 

“Jesus fucking Christ.” He laughed next to me. This was the entertaining Taehyung, the one everyone adored and loved. The one everyone wanted to fuck. 

After ten minutes of meaningless talking, the effect came over me. I giggled, the feeling was so good. 

I removed my shirt, this was what he truly wanted anyway. “What are you doing?” He asked. “D-Don’t you want to fuck me?” I stuttered and giggled. “Yeah, but right now?” He asked and I chuckled. “Where else, baby?” I laughed. 

“Are you sure you want to?”

No. 

“Yeah let’s go.” I hopped in the backseat and he followed. I could feel my heart pounding, but saying “no”wouldn’t help me now. He’d take me anyway, because I’m nothing but an object. 

He turned me around, my face pressing into his backseat. Tears slipped from my eyes as I felt hands tug at my clothes. 

It’s what I deserve.   
**********

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed reading, I’m trying to build up to the fluff guys. I promise it won’t be sad forever


	16. Jungkook

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter kinda fluffy

I heard the door open and saw Taehyung turn the corner. "W-why are y-you in my b-bed?" He slurred and I realized he was drunk. 

      "You've been drinking, haven't you?" I walked towards him. "Yeah, I have." He said and I noticed the strong smell of vodka and sex. "Did you go fuck someone?" I asked. 

"Yeah." He said with no shame. 

      "Taehyung...why did you do that?" I asked and he laughed in my face. "Why wouldn't I?" He asked. "I shouldn't have let you leave." I whispered to myself. "I'm a grown man, Kook. You can't blame yourself for things like this." Taehyung said. 

       "Please, just sleep, okay?" I said and he nodded. "Sleep with me?" Taehyung looked at me with soft eyes and I just nodded. My mind feeling too tired to think rationally about anything, but I knew we had to talk in the morning. About everything. 

     I got into bed with him, but I didn't touch him. I didn't want to upset him like I did before. "Jungkookie? Can you cuddle me?" Taehyung asked. 

     I responded with my body. I wrapped my arm around his waist. His head rested in my other arm like a pillow. I pulled him in closer, and it soon turned into a full hug. 

      I could feel us both crying. About different things, but at the same time similar things. We were both crying about how broken we were. Two broken boys just holding each other, feeling as if their heads were just right above the water. They thought they were holding each other up, but they were actually just drowning together. They were drowning trying to help the other one.   
*****  
      I woke up to Kim Taehyung staring at me. The silence between us felt like there were words both of us weren't saying. I wanted to know what he did last night, and I know he wanted me to talk about Chanyeol again. 

      I shouldn't have let him go, I should've held him here with me. I should've kept him safe just how he kept me safe when I told my secret. 

      "I have a headache." Taehyung said and I nodded. I got up to get Tylenol and water for him, I returned back to him and got in the bed. I handed him the water and pills and watched him drink from it. He handed me the water bottle and I put it back on the dresser. 

     "You think we can skip everything today? You think we can just lay here?" He asked, his voice scratchy. I nodded, even though I knew someone was bound to check on us. 

      "Taehyung, where'd you go last night?" I asked the question I've been dying to know. We had to let everything out, we just had to. Silence fell between us for a few minutes before Taehyung sighed.

"I went to go visit someone last night." He answered. "Who?" I asked. "I don't want to tell you that." Taehyung answered with a whisper. 

That made me mad honestly. I opened up to him, told him the one thing I've been holding back this entire time, and he can't tell who he went go fuck? 

"Why? Was it Min-Jun?" I asked and I could see his facial expression change. It wasn't a good change, it was a change of calm to frantically angry. 

     "Are you fucking kidding me?" Taehyung hopped over me, out of bed. I realized that I fucked up. 

"Tae-"

      "No, fuck you! How fucking dare you? Do you really think I'm that fucking dirty, that fucking disgusting? I thought you knew better Jungkook, I really thought you knew fucking better." Taehyung snapped at me and started to walk away. 

      I had two choices, I could let him leave or I could grab him and let him stay. I had told him my secret, he was the first person I've truly opened up to. Was I really going to let him walk away?

I grabbed his wrist and pulled him back to me. I could tell he was shocked, but I needed him to know he was important to me, even if I couldn't say the words myself. 

"Kook, I-"

"No, stop talking. Lay back down with me, please?" I looked him in the eyes and he nodded. I was worried I scared him, but he would've snapped at me if I did. 

I laid down with him and Taehyung joined me. I brushed the hair out of his eyes, and softly brought my hand down to his soft cheeks. I played with the soft skin under my thumb and watch his eyes flutter open and closed. My eyes wander to his lips and stared at the pink plumpness. The kissable pink plumpness. 

Hold on a fucking minute.

Did I just think that his lips were kissable? 

Gross. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to grab you so hard." I suddenly remembered. "You're okay." Taehyung spoke softly, licking his lips slightly. 

Fuck. 

Why the fuck do I want to kiss him?

That's gross. 

He may not be Chanyeol, but still. 

It's just not right. 

Right?

"And sorry I was a jerk earlier, I just wanted to know if you're okay. I just wanted to know if you were safe with whoever you were with." I apologized. "It's okay, Jungkook." Taehyung brought his hand up to my cheek and I placed mine on top of it. 

Our faces seem too close, but I wasn't backing up. I knew that if I kissed him right now, it would be a fucking disaster. I just couldn't stop staring at the way his lips looked so soft. I could feel my lips actually tingling, begging for just a slight touch. 

I don't know where these urges came from, but I do know that I had to ignore them. They had to be forgotten if I wanted to be friends with Taehyung. Relationship with friends never work out, especially if they look like your abusive ex. 

"Why? Why did you do it Taehyung?" I asked, that question being on the top of my tongue. "I needed to prove that I'm nothing." Taehyung whispered, tears pooling in his eyes. 

I could feel my heart snap, something about the way he sounded so defeated hurt me. It was like he truly had given up on being anything but a lifeless body. 

But that's not Kim Taehyung. 

He's a weird guy full of life. He's a guy who's personality is brighter than the fucking sun itself. He's a guy who's flirtatious marks will have you flustered even if you're a straight male. Kim Taehyung is a caring soul who would die for his friends. Kim Taehyung is the guy I opened up to. He's the guy I told my secret to. 

It's unfair seeing him this broken. It's like watching someone unscrew a lightbulb. I just want to light it up again, I want him to light up again. 

"Taehyung, you're not nothing," I said firmly. "You're this sweet, funny, and extremely amazing guy I opened up to. You managed to change my mind about you even though you look like Chanyeol. You were the first person I told my truth to, you were the first person who made me start to break out of my shell again, you were the one who took a boy who thought happiness didn't exist anymore and showed him happiness. You were the one who set me free, and someone who is nothing can't set me free." I spoke my mind, everything spilling out of me. 

"Jung-"

"You don't have to destroy yourself because of what happened to you, you can build yourself up. You can become better because I know you can! You're Kim Taehyung, a fucking badass. Please...please don't destroy yourself." I whispered the last part. 

"If someone like you can't survive, how can I?" I finished. I looked up at him for the first time since I started talking. 

He was smiling, a tearful grin spread across his face.

     "Why are you like this? Why do you believe in me so much?" Taehyung asked. I thought about it for a second, and the perfect answer came to my mind. 

      "Someone who can change my mind after what Chanyeol did to me is worth believing in." I smiled at him and tears fell from his eyes. 

      Taehyung hugged me tightly and I hugged him back. "Thank you." He whispered and I smiled as i rested my chin on his forehead. 

      Taehyung pulled back and we were just looking at each other. My eyes fell back to his lips and they still looked kissable pink. I looked back up at Taehyung, in a panic, but he was also staring at my lips. 

       My lips tingled again, but this time my heart kept telling me to lean in. I ignored everything telling me to stop and slowly moved in. 

     I leaned in, my heart pumping again my chest, my hand on his check, his hand on my side, our lips softly brush, not fully kissing but almost there...

KNOCK! 

KNOCK!

KNOCK!

     The sound made us jump apart and I ended up falling to the ground. Taehyung gasped and looked down to see if I was okay. 

“Kook, are you alright?” He asked, a smile on his face. “You’re trying not to laugh at me aren’t you?” I accused, a smile threatening to break through my face. 

Taehyung shook his head and soon he let out a giggle. Then the giggles turned into laughter and soon I was laughing too. We calmed down and we both stared at each other. His face went red and I could feel mine burning. 

“Did we just-”

“Yeah, I think we did.” I answered for him. “Okay...just okay.” Taehyung smirked and then stood up. 

I stood up as well and notice Taehyung coming towards. My heart raced faster than I thought it could, my emotions were flying everywhere. There was a queasy feeling in my stomach, but it wasn’t unbearable. 

“I didn’t dislike it.” Taehyung said as he stepped closer to me, a soft smile on his lips. 

“Taehyung-”

“They’re still knocking at the door, I should answer it.” Taehyung interrupted me. 

I wonder if he knew I was going to agree with him. 

“Where the hell were y’all?” I heard Jimin say as he walked through the door. Yoongi and Jimin turned the corner and seem to actually analyze the room. 

I noticed how bad this actually looked. Taehyung’s face was bright red, mine probably looked the same, and only one bed was completely messy. 

Jimin face went from calm to confused and then straight to a smirk. “Well, I take my question back.” Jimin giggled and I could actually feel my face burning. “Jimin, should we leave?” Yoongi asked. “No, baby. We should stay, stay as long as we want.” Jimin smirked. “Don’t you have a class, Jiminie?” Taehyung asked. “I have that class with Jungkook,” Jimin said, and I could see the ideas forming. “So get dress, Kookie.” Jimin smiled at me. 

I looked at Taehyung for help and he was looking at the floor. His face completely red and a smile on his face. Obviously, no one could help me now. 

“Um...alright.” I reluctantly agreed. I grabbed my clothes and walked into the bathroom. I hopped in the shower and felt the water all over me. 

Did I really just try to kiss Taehyung? Did I really just try to do that? More importantly, why the fuck would I try to do that? 

He’s cute, but that’s just so weird. I can still see Chanyeol in his face and I really tried to kiss that? I can’t kiss him, I can’t.

I can’t crush on him, that’s disgusting. That’s an absolute no go. I’m not suppose to crush on him. 

My insides felt funny just thinking about him. I could feel my lips try to quirk up at the thought of him smiling. What the fuck?

I don’t want to feel for him like this. I don’t want to like him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed :)!!


	17. Taehyung

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay so, don’t kill me for this chapter.

Jungkook came out the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. I could feel my mouth almost drop to the floor, but Jimin would've definitely noticed. 

      "Sorry, I forgot my underwear." Jungkook said awkwardly but I could only focus on the water dripping from his chest down to that towel. I simply nodded as if he was looking in my direction and watched him go back in the bathroom. 

       I turned back to look at Jimin, he was looking at me as if he was holding back a laugh. "What?" I asked and he simply shook his head. I was his best friend, I already knew what he was thinking. 

       "So...what's up, Taehyung?" Jimin smirked at me. "Nothing new, what's up with you?" I played around with him. "You sure there's nothing new?" Jimin asked. "Uh," I looked up as if I was actually thinking. "Yeah, I'm sure there's nothing new." I answered with a smile.

Jungkook came out the bathroom before Jimin could open his big mouth again. 

He looked cute, his white shirt and grey sweatpants. He has never looked this cute to me, I'm so confused. 

"We should get going, bye Taehyung." Jimin waved to me with that smile, and only I know why. Yoongi started to leave but Jimin stopped him at the door, whispered something in his ear, and then kissed on the cheek. 

Yoongi then proceeded to look back at me with a huge smile. 

Yeah, he's whipped. 

"Tae, you and I both know what Jimin and I walked into." Yoongi said to me. I blinked dumbly even though I knew exactly what he was referring to. 

I could feel my insides jumbling up at the thought of it, like a good nauseous sensation. The feel of his lips almost pressing against mine was there completely. His lips were so soft, I know that for sure. 

      "What?" I said, holding down my smile. "Come on, Taehyung. Did you kiss him?" Yoongi asked. "Actually, I'm not so sure myself." I answered honestly. 

     "Huh?" Yoongi asked, his mouth hanging. "We didn't completely kiss, we flew apart when you guys knocked on the door." I told him truthfully. "Do you like him?" Yoongi asked. 

      "Like? Taehyung doesn't do crushes." I laughed. "Come on, you know you get that funny feeling when he's around." Yoongi joked but my stomach kind of turned. 

      "I use to like hate the kid, how could I possibly have feelings for him now?" I asked. "You just almost kissed him." Yoongi said. "So? You don't have to have feelings for someone to kiss them, maybe I was just trying to fuck." I lied, I just wanted to kiss him. 

      "Is that why you were with him last night? You were just trying to fuck?" Yoongi asked. I could feel my eyes literally widen, how the fuck did he know? Maybe he doesn't know what I know. 

"Who?"

"Hobi."

       I ran my fingers through my hair and let out a loud sigh. I grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and drank all of it in one sitting. I sat on my bed and waited for Yoongi to join me. 

      "I knew I was going to regret it...I couldn't even tell Jungkook it was Hobi. He would've been so mad," I started. "It was just a really rough night and I just wanted to forget or remember, I don't fucking know." I explained. 

      "Jimin told you to stop fucking him." Yoongi reminded me. "I know, I fucking know. Why does everyone give a shit anyway? We're just fuck buddies." I said. 

      They act like Hobi is in love with me or like obsessed with me. Him and I are literally just friends. 

       "Are you sure both sides agree with that?" Yoongi asked. My stomach seemed to turn again, why is he saying all this? "Yes, Hobi knows I don't crush on people." I answered. "Yet you're crushing on Jungkook and not him." Yoongi accused. 

      "I'm not crushing on Jungkook!" I yelled, why did this make me so angry? 

    "Denying things doesn't make it not true." Yoongi said. "I can't deny something that was never true in the first place." I shot back. "So tell me why you tried to just kiss him, I know you Taehyung. You didn't try to fuck him, you just wanted to kiss him." Yoongi said and I was dumbfounded. How the fuck did he know all this?

       "No... I don't do crushes." I stood my ground. "What about Jungkook? You sure he doesn't do crushes?" Yoongi asked. "No...but I don't care. Why would I care? It would be his stupid fault for falling for me." I said. 

      I was just trying to sound tough, I didn't mean those words. I would care if he fell for me, and not because I like him(which I don't), but because I would only end up hurting him. 

    I don't keep romantic feelings, I've never even had a big crush. Love has just never been my thing, and I've never really cared if it was or not. 

      "You don't mean that." Yoongi said. "I do, Yoongi. I do." I lied again. 

     "Just like that, really? You'd let him fall for you just like that? Wouldn't even try to pick him up? You guys spent all that time building a friendship for no-"

      "It was his fault we had to build that friendship! It was his stupid fault for hating me! We could've been fine if he...if he would've just saw me!" I yelled. 

    "But he saw someone else instead...he saw someone else." I whispered. 

       "What are you talking about?" Yoongi asked. I shook my head, it wasn't my story to tell. 

     "I can't...I can't tell, it's not my story to tell." I told him. 

      "Fine...just stop fucking Hoseok." Yoongi went back to that. "Why does it matter, Yoongs? Like seriously why does it matter? I can fuck whoever I want." I said. 

      "Tae...you're so dense sometimes. I can't explain it to you, but we've given you more than enough hints to help you figure it out. Hobi himself has given you enough hints to help you figure it out." Yoongi explained but I was just confused. 

What the fuck does he mean? 

      There was a soft knock at the door before I could answer anything. I opened the door and Joonie was standing at my door. 

      "What's up, Joon?" I stepped aside to let him in. "Nothing...is anyone here with you?" He asked and I nodded. "Yes, Yoongi," I told him. "Are you okay? We can talk. I'll just ask Yoongi to leave." I offered. 

      "No...no, it's okay. I'll come back another time." He said with a soft smile. "Something is bothering you, what is it?" I asked. "No, I can't tell you here." He whispered in my ear. "Why not?" I asked. "It's not the time or place." He insisted. "Okay...do you want me to meet you somewhere later? Butterfly garden during lunch?" I asked and he shook his head. 

      "No, it'll be too crowded. Meet me there at midnight." Namjoon smiled at me. I only nodded and waved goodbye before shutting the door. 

      "That was Joon, what'd he want?" Yoongi asked after I came around the corner. "He...he wants to tell me something." I answered. Yoongi quickly got up and went wide eyed. "What did he say? Do you know what it was about?" He asked and I shook my head. 

      "Son of a bitch! I'll talk to you later, Taehyung." Yoongi gave me a quick hug and ran out the door.

Why is everyone acting so fucking weird? 

      I heard the door open again and I looked over to see who it was. Jungkook was coming through the door and I could feel my heartbeat pick up. "Hey, where's Jimin?" I asked. 

     "Well, weirdly I saw Yoongi bolting down the hallway. He grabbed Jimin and they ran off together, maybe he needs a quickie or something." Jungkook joked and I laughed. "Yeah...I don't think so." I smiled. 

      "How was class?" I asked as he went to get a water bottle. I'm glad he's staying hydrated. "It was boring, like class usually is. Jiminie kept looking at me and smiling though, it was weird." He answered. 

     Of course he did, he practically caught us about to kiss. 

     "Did you guys talk about anything else? Did Jimin say anything about Namjoon?" I asked and Jungkook shook his head. "No, what's the sudden interest in him about?" Jungkook asked. 

     "Namjoon came by the door and said he had to tell me something, it seemed important. He told me to meet him at the butterfly garden at midnight." I told Jungkook and he went pale. 

      "What? What'd he say?" Jungkook asked nervously. "Nothing...it just seem like he really needed to tell me something." I answered puzzled. Why was Joon telling me something the end of the world to everyone? 

      "Um...I-I gotta go." Jungkook stammered. I grabbed his arm and pulled him towards me. "Why? Why does everyone suddenly have to go after I tell them that?" I asked. 

     "Who else knows?" Jungkook asked, ignoring my question. "Only Yoongi, then he bolted out of here like he was on a mission or something." I told him. 

       "Oh, okay, yikes...I seriously have to go now, Taehyung. I'll explain later." He said. "What about our class?" I asked and Jungkook shook his head. "You and I both know we're caught up in that class." He smiled. 

      I really liked the way his face lit up when he smiled. I also liked the way his smell was almost smothering me, I liked his scent. 

      "Just tell me what's going on." I said as I started to let go of his arm. Jungkook cupped my face and smiled at me. 

      He leaned in close to my face and I could feel my lips tingling again. I just wanted to smash my lips up against his. I wanted to feel him kiss my nose, my forehead, my lips. I just wanted those lips up against mine. 

      "You'll know soon enough." Jungkook whispered before letting go and pulling back. I was completely at lost for words. I only stared at him as he ran out the door. 

What...what the fuck?  
*******  
       It has been hours since Jungkook left. No one has come by my door since. I'm so completely bored and I'm wondering where my friends are. 

      I went to 2pm and 5pm class, I even went to lunch and didn't see them. I feel like I should be knocking down doors, but they'd probably pretend not to hear me. 

Today's info has been too much to process, I got too much to figure out. 

I have to figure out why the fuck I'm feeling this way about Jungkook, or at least why I want to kiss him so bad. I need to figure out why everyone wants me to leave Hoseok alone. Then I need to know what Namjoon has to tell me, but I guess I'll know that one later. 

I decided to leave everything alone, it's best if I don't think too much. I should go see Mark, Jinyoung, and Jackson, it's been a while since I've spoken to them. 

I got out of bed and headed for their dorm, it wasn't a long walk thank god. I knocked at the door and Jackson answered with a drink in his hand. Great, they were getting drunk. 

"TaeTae! I literally just saw you today." Jackson slurred. "I know, Jackson. We have a class together." I laughed as he made way for me to come in. 

"Guys, Tae's here!" Jackson yelled and I heard a loud commotion going on. "Hey guys, maybe it isn't a good time." I smiled at them, I didn't want to be tempted to drink. "No, no! It's a great time." Yugyeom smiled at me. 

"I'll come back later, see you guys!" I waved and they booed me. I left and sighed loudly, where am I suppose to go now?

I went to the library and saw Jennie sitting in here usual spot, she was probably studying for whatever. 

"Hey cutie." I said as I sat down in front of her. "Tae, what a pleasant surprise!" She smiled brightly at me. "How you been, babe?" I asked and she closed her book. 

     "Honestly...a little confused." She told me. "Explain." I told her and she nodded. 

     "So...I've been fucking Lisa, as you know. Things were normal between us and everything was fine. Four days ago we were going at it and she just pushes me off of her. I'm obviously confused because like what the fuck was that for? I look at her and she's on the verge of tears. I asked her what's wrong and she tells me that she can't do this anymore. I'm trying to get her to explain, but at this point she's sobbing. She finally calms down and when I asked her what she can't do anymore, she looks me straight in the eyes and says us. I'm lost for words because how the fuck do I respond to that? Then she bolts out the door and I haven't spoken to her since." Jennie explained and even I was at a lost for words. 

      "Jesus Christ, your life is complicated. I'm pretty sure Lisa li-"

      "That's not even it," Jennie cut me off. "Today, Jisoo comes to me today and full on slaps me in the face. I've been slapped by her before but like it really hurt this time. I asked her what the fuck her problem was and she just starts snapping at me! She's yelling at me about how careless I was with Lisa, and how I don't deserve her. I started to cry because I truly didn't know how to explain myself. Jisoo told me that Lisa has been in love with me forever, and that I'm too dense to see it. I couldn't believe that, you know? Like love? Really? Jisoo left my room and I haven't talked to her since either." Jennie sighed. 

"Where's Rosé in all this?" I asked. 

       "She stays neutral like she always does, but she's been rolling her eyes at me a lot. It's a clear sign that she disapproves of my actions also." Jennie half smiled and I nodded. 

     "Love, where are you in all this? How are you feeling?" I asked and she shook her head. 

      "I feel like a complete fuck up honestly, but I'm also confused. These days Lisa has been ignoring me, I just fucking miss her. Not even because of the sex, I just miss her bubbly and weird personality. I don't want to give her false hope anymore, but I can't help but want her here with me." Jennie sighed. 

      "Is it possible...that you like Lisa back?" I asked. Jennie looked at the table for a long while before looking up at me. "I think..I think I do. I was just too stupid to realize my own feelings. It's over though, Tae. It's too late, she probably fucking hates me for everything I put her through." Jennie said glumly. 

     "Jennie, it's never too late. Go apologize and just tell her how you feel, you'll feel better once you do it." I advised. "I can't, I'm a coward. I've never dealt with feelings like this until it came to her. I'm so scared of hurting her, or at least hurting myself." Jennie confessed. 

"Sometimes, when it comes to love, you just have to take the risk. You could really get something good out of it." I told her and she nodded with a smile. 

     "Thank you, Taehyung." Jennie thanked me and I nodded. "Always here to help my favorite one." I winked at her and we laughed.   
***   
     "Well, looks like I've got to be going now." I told Jennie, it was about midnight now. "Why? Where you going?" She asked. "Namjoon has to tell me something at the butterfly garden." I answered. 

       "You're meeting Namjoon, at midnight, at the butterfly garden? Isn't he a taken man?" Jennie raised an eyebrow at me. "Oh come on, you know it's nothing like that. He's dating a good friend of mine, he'd never be that stupid." I explained and she looked convince. 

       "Well, I wish you good luck. Whatever the future has in store for you, I bet it's a good thing." Jennie smiled at me and I smiled back. "I truly love you, Jennie Kim." I hugged her. "I truly love you, Kim Taehyung." She giggled in my ear. 

      I pulled back from the hug and ran off from the library. I ran to the butterfly garden and waited for Namjoon to come. 

It was dark and to be honest, I was kind of scared. What Jennie suggested really stuck in my head. I at least think Namjoon is decent enough to never fall for me while dating my close friend. Jin would kill him anyway. 

“Hey, Tae.” Namjoon greeted me. “Hey...you got something to tell me?” I asked, my stomach started doing turns. 

I had a weird feeling this was about Jungkook or Hoseok. Things have been too weird and I know someone in the group has been talking to someone else. 

“Yeah, I do. It’s time we’ve had this talk, Taehyung.” Namjoon said and looked at me with a half smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay I hoped you enjoyed reading. I tried to give you an update on Lisa/Jennie ! Umm...Jungkook’s chapter will be the backstory of what Namjoon has to say to Tae, so don’t kill me. Jungkook’s chapter will be out soon !! Then you’ll see why Namjoon is telling Tae what he’s going to tell him.


	18. Jungkook

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is a wild one guys

After Taehyung told me what Namjoon said, I knew I had to go find him. It also explains why Yoongi bolted out the door. I felt bad for lying to Taehyung, but I had to.

During class, Jimin actually told me the whole run down of Taehyung and Hoseok. Everyone in the group knows, except Taehyung himself. How could he be so dense? It's so obvious. 

I ran and caught up with Jimin and Yoongi. "Guys, where's Namjoon?" I asked and they shook their heads. "I have no idea, but we have to stop him. Taehyung can't fucking know." Jimin swore. "Why, babe? What if this is good for him?" Yoongi asked. 

"No, Yoongi, you don't understand. You don't understand what will happen. Taehyung obviously doesn't feel the same, and Taehyung is going to demand answers. It's going to break him and Hoseok." Jimin explained. 

"Maybe, Yoongi is right. Maybe this is what Taehyung needs, a wake up call." I agreed with Yoongi. "Don't you dare tell me what my best friend needs." Jimin glared at me before storming off. 

Wow, he was kind of scary angry. 

"He'll cool off, just find Namjoon." Yoongi told me. I nodded and Yoongi ran off in the other direction, probably going after Jimin. 

        "Where would he be?" I asked myself out loud. I looked up and saw Baekhyun and Chanyeol walking towards me. It was a long shot, but they could possibly know where Namjoon is. 

      "Hey guys," I smiled at them as they stopped. "What you up to?" I asked. "Well, Channie and I are going on a little picnic date." Baek smiled from ear to ear. I looked down and noticed the picnic basket in Chanyeol's hand. 

       The nickname made me cringe, I didn't like hearing Chanyeol's nickname. It was too weird, the pain was still there, it felt distant, but I knew it was there. 

        "Oh...that's so cute!" I gushed. "Sorry to stop you, but have you guys seen Namjoon?" I asked. "Well...he was running down the hallway when we came walking down. I'm surprised you missed him, he was right there." Chanyeol answered. 

      "Awe, Channie, you're so helpful." Baekhyun gushed to his boyfriend and pulled him down just so he could kiss his cheek. Chanyeol turned red and smiled shyly. 

     "Yeah..so...um," Chanyeol cleared his throat. "You can probably catch up with him if you run. I'd hurry though, he's going down the main hall." Chanyeol said while scratching the back of his neck. 

       "Thanks! By the way, you guys are the cutest." I winked at Baekhyun before running down the hallway. I groaned when I reachwd main hall, it was always so goddamn busy. 

      He could turn down any of these four halls, but where would he go? 

     First hall, those were his classes. Second hall, that's his dorm room. Third hall, that's Jin's dorm room. Fourth hall, that's where Taehyung is. 

       There no reason for him to go down first hall, he does night classes. He'd only go down second hall if he was stupid enough to get caught by Jimin. Third hall is way too obvious. 

That's exactly why he would pick third hall. 

      I ran down third hall to Jin's room. I banged on it as if I was a detective looking for a suspect. 

    Jin poked his head out and smiled. "Baby Kook, what a nice surprise." He laughed weakly. "Baby Kook? Really?" I laughed. 

      "Yes, you are a child." Jin nodded. "I'm literally going to be 19 soon." I told him. "Oh my gosh, they grow up so fast." Jin wiped a fake tear. "I'm already grown!" I argued. "Cute, that's so cute." Jin laughed. 

       "Okay, then you're practically an old man." I retaliated. "Old man? Old man? I know you did not just call me an old man." Jin gasped. "But I did." I smirked. "Disrespectful." Jin grumbled before slamming the door. 

       Oh shit, I just forgot why I'm here. Did he just play a mind game on me? He's wiser than I thought. 

       I knocked on the door again, softer this time. "What do you want, brat?" Jin asked when he opened the door. 

"Brat? I will fight-"

        That's not why you're here, I suddenly remembered. I can't believe I almost got tricked with another mind game. Although, if he wants to play mind games, we can definitely play. 

      I let my face drop and made sure to put on my saddest voice. 

     "Nevermind, I'll come back later." I let out a sigh before starting to walk away. "Wait, what's wrong?" Jin grabbed my arm and softly pulled me towards the door. 

      "Nothing, nothing. I'll see you around." I gave him a weak smile. It was almost scary how good I was when it came to doing emotions. 

     "No, tell me what's up." Jin said. "Well, I just needed advice on something, but it looks like you're pretty busy.” I lied straight through my teeth. “No, no...hold on.” Jin said after sounding like he was contemplating something. 

The door closed and I pressed my head up against the door. I heard hushed whispers and smile to myself, Namjoon was clearly in there. I backed up and the door opened, Jin standing there with a concerned look on your face. 

A twinge of pain ran through me, he looked genuinely concerned. I walked in and analyzed the room in front of me. There’s not many places he could hide, this dorm was too small. The only place he could be was under a bed, or in the bathroom. 

“Where is he?” I asked and turned around to look at Jin, who looked confused. “W-Who?” He stuttered, a clear sign he was lying. He knew what I was talking about, I see through people who play dumb. 

“Namjoon, I know he’s here.” I stated and Jin’s jaw dropped. “Was that all an act? You’re not sad.” Jin gasped, looking slightly mortified. “Okay, it was. I do feel bad for that, but you’ve made it quite obvious Namjoon is here.” I admitted. 

“No he’s not.” Jin said, but he wasn’t looking me in the eyes. He was looking behind me. Namjoon had to be in the bathroom. 

Behind my back is a walkway to the bathroom door, and that’s exactly where Namjoon is. “You’re lying, he’s in the bathroom.” I guessed. 

Jin’s eyes widen, and I knew that I was correct. People are so predictable sometimes.

I guess I have Chanyeol to thank for this skill, he’s the one I got it from. He knew how to tell whether or not people were lying, and sure as hell knew how to manipulate someone into anything he wanted. 

I learned a degree of it. I could never do what he does, nor do I want to, not fully. It did come in handy sometimes though, like now. 

“How did you know?” Jin gave in. “I’m not here to yell at him, I just want to discuss with him.” I said. “Joon, come out the fucking bathroom!” Jin yelled. 

Namjoon exited the bathroom, a small smirk on his face. “You’re smart, Jungkook.” Namjoon complimented and it made me smile slightly. “Thanks, but I didn’t do it on my own.” I said, but those words kind of shot through me like a knife. 

Chanyeol helped me do this because I picked it up from him. He is actually apart of me and I guess I’ll just learn to deal with that.

“Now...you caught me. What is it you want to know?” Namjoon asked. “You know I can’t answer that, I’m calling Jimin.” I told him and I could actually see fear set in his eyes. “Well, if that’s how it’s going to be.” He shrugged, obviously trying to play it cool. 

I texted Jimin to let him know I found Namjoon, he’s probably running to Jin’s dorm as soon as I sent the text. 

“Why is this such a big deal? Doesn’t Taehyung deserve to know?” Jin asked. “He can’t, it’ll break him.” I shook my head. 

“You don’t know that!” Namjoon yelled. 

“Yes I do!” I yelled back louder. 

“How? How do you know that?” Namjoon stepped in my face. 

“He doesn’t, but I fucking do.” Jimin said calmly as he entered the room. 

I could feel the vibe change to an angrier one. It felt tense, but I don’t think I’ve ever felt this before. I could cut through the air with a knife. There was a knowing silence in the air, but I think everyone was waiting for Jimin to speak. 

“Namjoon...you and I both know damn well Taehyung won’t be able to handle Hoseok’s feelings.” Jimin said. “You don’t understand, Jiminie.” Namjoon tried to explain, his voice becoming softer. 

“No...No, I do. I’m not letting you talk to him at midnight.” Jimin stood his ground. He was small, but he was powerful. “Hear him out, Jimin.” Jin pleaded. 

“There’s nothing to fucking hear out! I know what’s best for my best friend.” Jimin cursed, causing Jin to gasped. “How dare you? Why don’t you let Taehyung decide that? You’ve been bossing him around since high school.” Jin argued back. 

A tiny gasp left my lips, I’ve never seen the group fight like this. “Really? I’m surprised you know that since you weren’t even there.” Jimin shot back. 

“It’s quite obvious, you kick him around like a little puppy. You treat him like he’s your pet, I’m surprised he put up with you this long. If Taehyung is as independent as he says he is, then he should obviously drop you.” Jin growled. 

I think my jaw actually hit the floor, I had to remind myself to pick it up. Jimin was actually fuming, if I looked hard enough, I could see smoke coming out his ears. 

“You know I’m so fucking sick of everyone telling me what the fuck Taehyung needs and what he doesn’t need. How dare any of you try to tell me what my best friend needs? Were any of you there for him when he got hurt? Can any of you see the hurt he desperately tries to hide? Can any of you fucking tell when Taehyung’s mood is even the slightest off even though he’s laughing and giggling in front of everyone?” Jimin said. 

“No, you can’t. You know why you can’t? You can’t because none of you spent the time getting to know Taehyung and understand him. Sure, you know him, I’ll give y’all that. You know what you don’t know? His darkest fears, and his worst secrets. But guess who knows that? Me...I fucking know that.” Jimin spoke calmly. 

“I don’t want any of you fuckers, and I mean this shit, ever in your small, pitiful lives to ever tell me what Taehyung needs and what he doesn’t. And next time you even suggest that Taehyung doesn’t need me, someone won’t have a fucking tongue to talk with left.” Jimin finally looked up as tears of anger rolled down his eyes. 

I could see the sob forming, but he was holding it down. Jimin was trying to be strong for Taehyung, even if he wasn’t here. 

“I can’t deal with this shit! You all don’t know what I’m going to tell Taehyung.” Namjoon bursts. “What? What are you going to tell him?” I asked quickly. 

God, this day was so fucking confusing. 

“Hoseok is in love with Taehyung, that we all know. It’s just...that’s not all he did.” Namjoon whispered out. “Well what? What did he do?” Yoongi barked out. 

“He set him up!” Namjoon cried. 

I could see his fist tightening into a ball. I was on the edge of my seat. Hoseok set him up? What does that even mean? 

“Set him up how?” Jimin asked through clenched teeth, I had a feeling he knew what was going on. 

“He...He set him up to be raped.”

As a gasp left my lips, I could feel anger fill me. It was burning through my body, all I could feel was anger coursing through my veins. 

It was like I was seeing white and red, but I did have my mind set on something. 

I was going to fucking kill him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so...what’d you think? Also...I love Hoseok. This is in no way to cause harm to the real life Hoseok. This is all fan fiction and how I want my story to go. It’s going to get better after this...maybe ;)...but we need to get through all the angst.


	19. Taehyung

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oof sorry this took so long

"Yeah, I do. It's time we've had this talk, Taehyung." Namjoon said and looked at me with a half smile. 

"Okay," I laughed nervously. "What is it?" I asked. "I have a story to tell you, Taehyung. You're not going to like it at all." Namjoon said and he looked like he was going to cry. "What? What is it? Are you okay?" I asked, rubbing his back for comfort. 

"Yes, yes I am. It's just time you know everything." He declared. I nodded and stayed quiet so he could go on. 

"I know what it's like to be in love. Jin wasn't my first true love, but I really hope he's the last person I'm ever in love with. It would honestly break me to go on without him. I know what that heartbreak feels like and I know how it tears up your insides with just the mere thought of losing them. I also can now see when someone is in love with someone, it's almost clear to me. I can also tell when people are falling for each other, and I can definitely see one sided crushes. Taehyung...someone is in love with you." Namjoon started. 

"What? That's not possible, Joonie. Everyone knows I don't do romantic feelings." I laughed. "You don't do them, doesn't mean other people don't as well." Namjoon corrected me and I felt kind of choked up. I don't like the thought of someone liking me, let alone loving me. 

"Well, is that it? Go on." I urged. 

"I don't know if you're going to be surprised when I tell you who's in love with you. You can be quite dense sometimes, so this might come as a shock. The one who is in love with you is Hoseok, Taehyung." Namjoon finally told me. 

     A soft gasp left my lips, why the fuck didn't he tell me? I would've left him alone. "What? That's crazy! There's no way." I exclaimed. 

      "No, it is true." Namjoon said and I kept shaking my head. "No, no way. I have to go talk to him." I started to stand, but Namjoon pulled me back down on the bench. "No, there's more to the story than you think." Namjoon sighed. 

      "Well, what is it?" I asked, I was seriously starting to become impatient. 

        "I have to start from the beginning for it all to make sense. Hoseok fell in love with you as soon as he saw you. He loved the way you talked and walked, he thought it was fate that you two met each other. You guys just seem to click, he thought you guys just went together. When you started fucking him, that was the happiest I've ever seen him. He never had a dull day as long as you were around. I guess Hoseok realized there was no dating future for you guys, and honestly it didn't really hurt him. As long as you guys were fucking and you stayed around, he was content with living like this." Namjoon explained. 

       I could feel my mouth hanging. I couldn't believe someone could feel that way about me, fucking me. I knew where this story was going, Namjoon is just going to tell me how I broke his heart and I'm a terrible person. I didn't want to stick around and hear this. 

      "Okay, I get it. I'm a terrible person. Hoseok is in love with me and I can't return the feelings. You're going to tell me I broke his heart, aren't you? You're going to scream at me for doing so, right? You can't, Namjoon. I don't have to like or love someone back, I'm sorry. I'm going to go talk to him and end everything with him." I told him. 

       "Taehyung! Just listen to the rest of the story." Namjoon yelled. 

       That kind of scared me, Namjoon never yells. He's not that type of person unless he's really stressed. I guess there is more to the story than I thought.

"Okay, I'm sorry, go on." I told him. 

       "As I was saying, it took a turn when Jungkook came. He noticed it before you even officially met Jungkook. The way your eyes lit up when you mentioned him at the table, it was clear Jungkook had your attention in some way shape or form. Hoseok wasn't use to competition because he knew there wasn't any. No one ever caught your interest, not even him, but he was okay with that as long as no one else had it." Namjoon continued. 

      I was actually starting to process this, but where was this going? Where could this possibly go to? I guess it's also true that Jungkook has had my attention before I even met him. I practically tried to hunt the boy down when I first heard of him. 

      "Jungkook caught it, and you had Jungkook's. Hoseok noticed the bad blood before anyone, but he kept it to himself. Hell, it took me a while to even notice it." Namjoon laughed slightly.

     I could feel this taking a dark turn, Namjoon's laugh was usually full of life and made anyone around him laugh, but not this one. This laugh made my insides twist, it made my heart sink deep down into my stomach. 

    "Joonie...please just keep going." I whispered, I needed to know where this was going. 

      "Taehyung, do you remember the first time you spoke to Jungkook? When you and Hoseok were in your dorm room together?" Namjoon asked and I nodded uneasily. 

"Yes, I told Hoseok to leave because I wanted to talk to Jungkook." I answered. 

God, I gave up good sex for him. He really did have my attention. 

"That was the first time you ever turned down Hoseok for someone else." Namjoon stated. 

       I thought about it for a second, I was surprised when I realized that was true. 

"Is that all?" 

     "No," Namjoon shook his head. "Hoseok was devastated when you did that. Hoseok cried in my arms so hard that day. He realized that someone else took your attention, someone else had it. Hoseok couldn't give you up, he had to put your attention on something else." Namjoon whispered. 

       My eyes filled with tears. Why? I truly don't know. I felt sick, it was as if my body was preparing me for bad news. 

    "Then what? What did he do?" I started to cry. 

      "He..he set you up to be raped, Taehyung." Namjoon whispered. 

       First, I was shocked. I wanted to pretend I never heard those words come out his mouth. I didn't think my brain could process something so cruel. The image I had of Hoseok in my mind didn't match those words. His smile didn't match those words. 

      "Both times?" I whispered. "Both times." Namjoon confirmed. 

       That's when I felt it, it came up quicker then I could think. Suddenly I was puking all over the floor, all over the place. I practically puked up everything I’ve ever eaten. 

“Taehyung! Are you okay?” Namjoon yelled, throwing his jacket over my shoulders. 

I couldn’t talk, I could only shake my head. Tears wouldn’t stop falling. Nothing felt whole anymore. My world felt incomplete. 

I wanted Jimin and Jungkook. 

Those were the only two people I wanted to see. 

But I knew. 

I have to see Hoseok. 

I have to know why. 

I came to my feet, and wiped the tears that fell. “Where is he?” I asked. “What?” Namjoon asked in disbelief. 

“Where is he, Namjoon? I have to know why the fuck he ruined my life like this.” I said. “His dorm.” Namjoon answered. I nodded but after I had to know one more thing. 

“Namjoon...how long have you known?” I asked. “Since yesterday, I knew I had to tell you as soon as possible.” Namjoon answered. I smiled at him slightly, but then walked away. I’m hoping he could see the “thank you” I was saying to him in my head.   
*****  
I wasn’t mentally prepared to see Hoseok on the other side of that door. Turns out I didn’t get the chance because Jungkook was beating the shit out of him. 

“Jungkook! Stop!” Jimin was screaming and crying. I’m almost surprised security hasn’t been called yet. Jungkook didn’t listen, he just kept punching. 

I ran up to him and grabbed his arm. Jungkook looked at me with a dangerous glint in his eyes. I could see his eyes soften as I looked at him, something that warmed my heart. 

“Taehyung.” Is all he said before standing up. Jungkook looked at me for a second, his hands grabbing my waist. The stare he gave me was so intense, but it made me trust him. You can’t look at someone like that and not care about them. 

At least I hope so. 

His arms wrapped my lower body, he pulled me into his chest, and then he buried his head into my shoulder. 

My whole body felt warm, a feeling of affection I wasn’t use to. This hug felt different, it didn’t feel like the cuddles. It felt more warm, more secure, and my thought process was clear. 

The way my hearts beating out of my chest, the way I can’t stop inhaling his scent, the way I don’t want him to pull back, how happy I am to see him even though I’m going through what I’m going through, it’s almost clear to me. 

I like him. 

I like him so fucking much. 

Jungkook. 

My first official crush. 

I pulled back first, I couldn’t handle all my thoughts at once. 

I looked down at Hoseok in front of me. Jungkook sure did beat the fuck out of him. His nose look broken, but it was just covered in blood. His lip also look busted. 

I hope he’s suffering. 

“Stand up.” I said. I had to keep my voice strong, I don’t care. “Stand up right fucking now, or I will let Jungkook continue to beat the fuck out of you.” I threatened, it was empty though. I wouldn’t want Jungkook to get in trouble. 

“Tae, I-”

“Don’t you dare call me that fucking nickname. I don’t ever want to look at you or breathe around you. Don’t you dare step near our table, or so help me, I’ll murder you right then and there. I’m sorry that I didn’t love you back, but that didn’t give you the right to set me up to be raped. You ruined my life, you know? You’re the cause of all my fucking struggles, I hope you know that. I can’t kill you because laws exist, but I hope you suffer while living. I hope you know you broke a person that use to think being alive was the best thing in the entire world, a person who had no worries or cares. I hope you suffer knowing that. I hope you like heat, because you’re going straight to fucking hell.” I finished. 

I wiped my tears and walked away, but I wanted to hurt him. This was going to be mean of me, but I couldn’t help but let it fall out. 

“By the way, I never loved you or even thought about it once. You were right when you said Jungkook had my attention. Guess what? He still fucking does. You were old news as soon as Jungkook came.” I smiled at him. 

I hope that broke him inside as well.   
*******  
When my dorm room closed behind me, my legs actually gave out. I collapsed to the floor and finally exploded. Loud sobs left my mouth as Jungkook quickly rushed to comfort me. 

“He’s never going to mess with you again. I’ll never let him.” Jungkook whispered. 

I pulled back to look at him. I could see the worry in his eyes and how he wanted me to be okay. God, he was so beautiful. His face was practically perfect. “Jungkook...you’re beautiful.” I whispered. “What?” Jungkook asked. 

“You are beautiful. Everything about your face, you’re beautiful.” I said a little louder. Jungkook ran his fingers through my hair. It felt nice. “No, you’re beautiful. Inside and out.” Jungkook replied. 

I almost smiled, almost. “I can’t be beautiful to you.” I shook my head. “Why not?” He asked. 

“I look like the one that abused you, how can I be beautiful to you?” I asked. 

Weirdly, Jungkook smiled. 

“Because I’ve realized you’re the opposite of him, and anyone like you, Taehyung, is beautiful.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed, tried to throw in a bit of fluff in there


	20. Jungkook

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some fluff for y’all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry literally this is so short ive really had a hard time coming up with inspiration

After I said those words, I could hear Taehyung gasp slightly. I meant what I said, he did look beautiful. Underneath all those tears was someone who had the brightest personality, prettiest smile, and melting brown eyes. 

I knew this feeling. I knew exactly what I was feeling for him. It was almost unreal to think that the guy who I swore I'd never liked ended up being my crush. 

I remember the way my hatred use to run deep for Taehyung, but now I want to keep him in my arms forever. I want him safe from anything that can harm him forever.

"Jungkook."

"Yes?"

"I...I like you."

"I like you."

         Taehyung looked up at me, he looked confused but happy at the same time. 

"You mean it?"

"Yes."

"Guess what?"

"What?"

"You're my first official crush." 

I smiled.   
*********  
        I watched Taehyung sleep when I woke up this morning. I remember wanting to kiss him after he said those words. 

 

*Flashback*

 

       "I am?" I asked. "Yes, you are." Taehyung confirmed. I smiled wider, if that was even possible. I could see his smiling forming. Even during the worst moments of his life, he finds ways to smile. I also noticed how kissable his lips looked. 

       I grabbed his tear stained cheek, my palm was slightly wet. "You can't." Taehyung pulled back. "Why?" I asked. I wasn't hurt, I knew he had a good reason. 

     "I don't want a really good memory be attached to this one." Taehyung said with a voice crack. "Taehyung." I whispered and that's when tears starting pouring again. I let him collapse in my arms and sob. "Why," He cried. "Just why?"  Taehyung sobbed. I tried my best to calm him, but I knew I couldn't fix this. "It's over now, it will stay over." I whispered to him as I rubbed my hands through his hair. We stayed like this until he fell asleep. 

       I carefully placed him on the bed before getting into bed with him. Taehyung opened his eyes slightly before reaching out for me. I complied and wrapped my arms around him. 

"You're so nice to me." Taehyung mumbled. 

"Am I not suppose to be?" I asked, slightly laughing. 

"No, we're suppose to hate each other. I look like your abusive ex, and you gave me feelings I never expected to have. We're suppose to run away from each other, but we're here. I like that." Taehyung explained. 

I leaned in to place a kiss on his forehead. 

"I like that." I repeated.

 

*End of flashback*

 

      That memory will forever be apart of me. I looked down and pushed his hair behind his ear. "I'm never running from you again." I whispered to him. "Never again." I smiled down at him. 

      Taehyung blinked and looked up at me, he smiled at me. "Hey." He whispered in his sleepy voice. "Hey." I said back. 

       "Yesterday was something." Taehyung sighed with a stretch. I felt something pull in my chest. "I'm so sorry he did that to you, Taehyung." I said. "Don't apologize for him, I never want to hear of him again." Taehyung shook his head at me. 

"Its best to talk about things." I advised. Taehyung looked at me and his face faded into a soft smile. "I will...when I'm ready." Taehyung ran his fingers through my hair. 

I smiled at this soft feeling and the soft touches. It reminded me that I liked him and he liked me. Everything was going wrong but right at the same time. 

"Just-"

"And before you say it, I won't bottle it in." Taehyung interrupted, causing me to smile. "Good boy," I squeezed his thigh. "Now let's get ready, Tae." I smiled. 

      A hand grabbed my shoulder and tugged me down, next thing I knew, Taehyung was on my lap. 

"Um..." I trailed off, waiting for him to explain. 

"What did you call me?"

"Taehyung, what are you-"

      Taehyung's hand went over my mouth and the rest of my sentence became muffled. "Say my name." He smiled. 

What the fuck is he so weird for?

"What?"

"Say my name. Say it." 

"Taehyung?"

"No."

"What?"

"That's not my name, say something equivalent to that."

"Tae?"

       Taehyung brightly smiled and and kissed my cheek. 

        "Keep calling me that." Taehyung laughed before hopping off me. "Keep kissing me." I whispered so only I could hear. 

     My insides felt like goo but happy goo, and I'm glad Taehyung is the cause of it. 

Or well, Tae.   
******  
        It took us about 30 minutes to get ready and then we decided to go meet the group for breakfast. I looked back at Taehyung with a smile, but he was zoned out. I could see him becoming upset, he was slightly frowning. 

      "Hey, what's wrong?" I asked with a soft smile. "It's nothing." Taehyung lied. "Come on, I can tell when you're upset." I said and Taehyung looked surprised. "You can?" He asked. 

"Yeah, you may have a convincing voice but your facial expressions give you away." I told him. "Wow, no one but Jiminie knows that. You're a special guy, Jungkook." Taehyung laughed slightly. 

God, I want to hear that sound forever. 

"Why thank you, but tell me why you're upset now." I got back to the point. "Okay...I'm upset because everyone is going to treat me with pity now. Yoongi is going to be a little  nicer, Jimin is going to hug me a little too long, Jin's going to try to make me laugh a little too much, Namjoon is going to give me a little too much of his food when I ask, and Hoseok is going to..." Taehyung trailed off and looked distraught. 

"I said his name? What the fuck is wrong with me?" Taehyung said, but more to himself. "It's okay, Taehyung. It's gonna take time to forget him." I said while holding his soft hands. 

Taehyung pulled away from me and shook his head. "I hate him, I hate him, why can't I forget him now? Why not now?" Taehyung looked back at me. "Tae, it just doesn't work that way." I spoke calmly to him, I didn't want him to freak out more. 

       "Why? Kookie, please tell me why." Taehyung sniffled. I reached out for him slowly and when I knew he was okay with me touching him, I ran my fingers through his soft hair. I lifted his chin up so that he could look at me. I used the hand that was in his hair to brush away the tears streaming down his face. 

      "It's tough to forget people who hurt us deeply, I know from experience. But you will forget them, they won't truly be apart of you forever. Chanyeol was apart of me, Taehyung. He was a part of me that I learned to let go. I'm going to be honest, it took time to fully let him go, but with your help I did it. I hope that with my help, you can let go of Hoseok as well. I promise I'll do everything I can to help you let go." I promised. 

     Taehyung lips turned up and he buried his face into my chest. I held him closely to me as he squeezed my waist. We pulled apart, Taehyung wiped his tears and looked at me with a smile. 

     "You've got to be one of the nicest people I've ever met." Taehyung smile. 

     "You wouldn't have said that a couple months ago." I joked and we both laugh. 

     "Yeah maybe, but I'm glad I can say it now." Taehyung gave me an adoring smile. 

      "Me too, now let's head down to the cafeteria before the others come pounding at our door." I said and Taehyung nodded.

“Kook?” Taehyung said softly. 

“Yeah?”

“Will you hold my hand as we walk down there?” 

“Can I ask why?”

“It’ll make me feel safer.”

I reached my hand out for his, and he intertwined our fingers. I took in how soft his hands were and relaxed my hands into his. 

I was making him feel safe, that’s almost funny. 

He was doing the same thing for me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed, I’ll try to make it better next time, I really appreciate all the people reading. i didn’t think many people would pay attention to this little story im writing <3


	21. Taehyung

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff before the angst, y’all got a storm coming <3

It felt like everyone was watching me, even people who didn't even know what was going on with me. I could notice the boys staring too long at my body and the girls smirking at me. It made me realize how many people stare at me, and how uncomfortable it makes me now. 

My mind has been pretty cloudy, I keep trying to process one of my own best friends doing something like that to me. It's like my brain built a wall that won't let me get past it. 

      Hoseok played in my mind over and over, but it wasn't the evil Hoseok I know now. It was the one with the heart shaped smile that always wanted to hold me. It was the one who called me baby and always told me how beautiful I was. 

Why couldn't I see it?

Why couldn't I see that he was in love with me?

      I would've left him alone, let him be. This wouldn't have happened if he just fucking told me, why didn't he fucking tell me? 

       A felt a squeeze in my hand and I suddenly remembered I was holding hands with Jungkook. Maybe that's what everyone was staring at me, I've never had a boyfriend before. 

Not that he's my boyfriend. 

But I kind of want him to be.

Do I?

       Jungkook was looking at me as if he was expecting something. I was staring back at him and my body filled with warmth, I almost wanted nothing more but to run into those arms and have them hold me forever. 

Safe. 

I felt safe with him. 

       "Tae?" He said but it came out more like a question. God, that made my heart flutter. "Yes?" I asked. "You stopped, are you okay?" Jungkook asked and I realized that my feet have been planted for a while. "Oh, yeah. Let's keep walking, okay?" I gave him a small smile. Jungkook nodded and thankfully didn't ask anymore questions. 

       We kept walking down the hall into the cafeteria. We walked up to our table and the whole table turned to smile at me. I noticed all of their eyes casted down and when I followed their gaze, I noticed Jungkook and I were still holding hands. I slowly let go of his hand, my face was completely burning. 

      Jimin and I made eye contact, I could literally see the sparkle in his eyes. "Are you just gonna stand? Have a seat, idiots." Yoongi coughed out and that made me giggle. 

       "We'll talk later." I mouthed out to Jimin and he understood. I looked back at Jungkook, who's face was also most likely as red as mine. 

      "Anygay, who wants to come drink at my apartment later?" Jimin winked. "Definitely be there." Yoongi wrapped his arms around Jimin. It was cute, I wished I had that with someone. 

      Someone like Jungkook, someone exactly like him. 

I actually just want Jungkook. 

       "I'm down for a drink." I said and the table fell silent. It was dead silent and the air felt completely tense, it was lingered in the air but no one was approaching the subject. 

      It made me mad, if they're going to act like this they might as well just say what everyone's thinking. 

       "I don't want a drink because I'm depressed. I just want to have fun. God, I get it, I'm going through something traumatic. Treating me like a sad victim isn't going to change that, the least you guys could do is make me feel better so I don't have to think of fucking Hoseok all the time." I poured out my feelings. 

      I didn't want to stay there anymore and got up and left, I could feel Jungkook trailing behind me. I turned around before he could grab my wrist. 

      "Jungkook...don't follow me. I don't want to talk to anyone." I said through gritted teeth. Pain shook in my heart when I saw the pain in his eyes. "I won't talk, Tae. I just don't want you to be alone." He softly kneaded at the skin on my cheek. 

There it was. The pity. 

      I grabbed his wrist and pulled it down to his side, but I didn't let go. "No, Kook. I'm not going to do anything to myself, just please let me be." I sighed before letting go and walking out the cafeteria. 

      I rushed to my room and slammed the door. Tears hit me and I actually crashed to the floor. I don't want to be a victim. I don't want to be a victim. Why do I have to be a fucking victim? 

     Memories of Hoseok ran through my mind, all the happy memories. I remembered the way he smiled, I could even hear his fucking laugh. How could he be so evil? How could he cause me so much fucking pain? What did I do? I know I hurt him but did I really deserve this?

       The door opened and I saw Jimin standing there. 

"Tae.."

       "Jiminie..." My sentence trailed off as I opened my arms for him to hold me. Jimin rushed to my side and held me close. He rubbed my back and kissed my forehead, this always calmed me down. 

      "Tae...you're going to be alright, okay? I'll help you, Jungkook will help you, we'll all help you, okay? You don't have to be alone, you don't have to shut yourself out. Hoseok hurt you, but you can trust us. You've always been able to trust me." Jiminie whispered and I nodded. 

     He was right, if I couldn't trust anyone, I could always trust Jiminie. "You're right." I rested my head on his chest. We sat like this for a while in silence, just listening to each other breathe. 

"So..." Jiminie trailed off and I looked up at him, and I saw a smile. "What?" I asked. "Jungkook, huh?" Jimin giggled and I let out a light laugh. 

"He makes me feel things, Jiminie. Feelings I've never had for a person before, and I'm scared of getting hurt but I want him. I want him so bad." I sighed. "What do you mean?" Jimin asked. 

"I want to date him, kiss him softly, hug and cuddle him, watch stupid love movies with him, watch scary movies and cling onto him when I get too scared, I want to do stupid couple things, I just want to be with him." I confessed. 

Jiminie kissed the top of my head and ran his fingers through my hair. "Finally, Taehyung, you understand what love is." Jimin said and I smiled. 

Was I scared? Yeah. 

But weirdly, I was more happy than scared.   
******  
Jimin and I ended up staying in the dorm room for hours just talking about nothing. I was surprised no one came to bother us but I was also glad. Spending time with only Jimin always made me forget bad things and feel better. 

"How are you going to ask out Jungkook?" Jimin asked and I groaned. "I don't want to do it now, Jiminie." I plucked his forehead. "Why not, Tae? You like him and he likes you." Jimin whined. 

"I'm not ready for a relationship, not yet." I winked at him. "Wow, I never thought I'd hear those words." Jimin said and I giggled. "Me either, never even thought Jungkook would be the person." I laughed softly. 

"I knew he would, I was just waiting for you to realize. You had the hots for him from the start." Jimin wiggled his eyebrows at me and I playfully punched him. "Did not, he annoyed me." I answered. 

"He went from annoying to someone who made you feel. He's pretty special." Jimin smiled. "Yeah, he is." I smiled wider.

     I heard the door open and close. My heart instantly started racing until I heard Yoongi's voice. I was about to say something but Jimin covered my mouth. "They're talking about something." Jimin whispered in my ear. 

      After Jimin closed his eyes and pretended to be sleeping, I started to do the same. 

     I heard feet shuffling and held down a giggle. 

       "What if they're sleeping? They didn't say anything." Jungkook whispered. "They probably are." Yoongi whispered back. "Should we wake them up?" Jungkook asked. "Are you joking? Never wake up Jimin, he becomes a nightmare." Yoongi laughed. 

      I bit my lip to stop myself from laughing. "Knowing those two, they're probably cuddling and sleeping right now." Yoongi chuckled. There was a silent pause and then I heard Yoongi laughing. 

      "Stop pouting, Kook. You can cuddle Taehyung as much as you want." Yoongi said and Jungkook giggled. 

So cute. So fucking cute. 

        "Speaking of Taehyung, when are you going to ask him out?" Yoongi asked and I could feel my heart stop. 

    "Oh....I...I don't know.  I don't know if...like it's the time. I feel like Taehyung needs time to heal, he doesn't have time for a relationship. Don't think I'm trying to pity him, I just think he needs to focus on himself. Going into a relationship broken never works out, and I want things to work with him." Jungkook answered. 

        I smiled, I didn't care if they knew we were listening the whole time. I couldn't hold down the happiness I felt, he got me. I found another person who knew how to understand me. 

      "But," Jungkook started and I listened closely. "He's unofficially mine." Jungkook stated. 

He's definitely not wrong. 

       "You're cute, Jungkookie. I'm glad you guys found each other, you complete each other." Yoongi told him. "Just like you and Jimin." Jungkook said back.  

     "Ah, I'm truly in love with that weird, crazy kid." Yoongi laughed lightly. I didn't have to be looking at him to know that he was shaking his head slightly while smiling at the ground. 

      "Good, he's clearly in love with you." Jungkook said and I nodded in agreement. "You ever think you could fall in love with Tae?" Yoongi asked him. There was a long silent pause, and I realized that I didn't want to hear this. 

     "If I'm being honest, I never saw myself falling in love again." Jungkook answered and my heart fell to my stomach. I hate the thought of love, but I like it when it comes to Jungkook. This was the pain I was trying to avoid. 

       "But even though I don't like the thought of it...there's something about Taehyung that draws me closer to him. Everyday I appreciate him more and more. I'm addicted to his smell, his laugh, his cuddles, and more. I'm basically addicted to him. I can't say he fixed me completely, because some things just can't be fixed, but he definitely fixed parts of me that I thought couldn't be fixed. So yes, I could see myself falling for him more and more until I reach love." Jungkook told Yoongi. 

   My heart was beating rapidly against my chest, I had the urge to scream of happiness. I had to bury my face in the pillow to hide my smile. My unofficial official boyfriend is so cute. 

      "Okay, lovesick, go wake up your love and I'll wake up mine." Yoongi said and I heard them chuckled. I quickly pretended to be sleep again and heard the shuffling of feet again.

       "Tae, wake up." Jungkook whispered as he softly shook my body. He treated me with so much care, I loved it so much. 

      "Huh?" I asked, I even made my voice sound sleepy. "Wake up, you were sleeping." Jungkook giggled. "Why?" I groaned. "Because we're going to an arcade." Jungkook answered and I instantly smiled. I love arcades!

        "Really?" I hopped up and Jungkook nodded. "I love arcades!" I exclaimed. Jimin was smiling when I looked back at him. "You're so cute, Tae." Jimin shook his head with a laugh. "Yeah he is." Jungkook agreed, making my stomach fill with butterflies. 

      "I think I'm going to gag now." Yoongi said and started fake gagging. "Get out of our room now, peasants." I said to Yoongi and Jimin. "Fine, we get it. Use condoms." Jimin winked at me. Before I could yell at him, he grabbed Yoongi's hand and was out the door. 

      "Jimin is something else." Jungkook giggled and I noticed how red his face was. "You're just realizing that?" I joked along with him. "Hmm, maybe I am." Jungkook came close to me and grabbed my hips. 

      Is he doing what I think he's doing? This will the first kiss that ever means something to me. 

      Jungkook leaned in real close and I prepared my lips for a kiss. I was left speechless when he kissed my cheek. 

      I could feel my jaw on the floor. "That's the meanest thing you've ever done to me, you tease." I gasped. "Close your mouth, beautiful." Jungkook winked at me before grabbing his clothes. With my jaw still not connected to me, I watched him disappear into the bathroom. 

What the fuck?

       Something in him has changed, something I like. Something I really like. Confidence Maybe that's it, maybe he's feeling more confident around me. I smiled at the thought, that's really cute to think about it.  
*****  
We all piled into Namjoon’s car. He was the only one with a minivan, I loved thinking of him as a soccer mom. Jungkook and I sat together in the back, Jimin and Yoongi were in the middle, and Jin and Namjoon were in the front. 

“Ready kids?” Namjoon laughed and we all groaned with disgust. We hated when Namjoon did that, he knows everyone likes each other. “Just drive, hyung.” Jungkook said what everyone was thinking. We laughed as Namjoon started the car. 

I laid my head on Jungkook’s shoulder and he played with my hair. It felt so good that I didn’t realize Jungkook was slowly pulling my head down so I could lay in his lap.

He continued playing with my hair and I eventually fell asleep in his lap. 

I was running, I was running far away from something. I didn’t know what, but I could feel something chasing me. It was reaching out to me and I seemed to be slowing down. I saw a light, a bright light right at the end of the tunnel. I was so close, I just had to reach. My fear grew stronger, it was coming faster. It was faster than me and stronger, my only hope was the light at the end of the tunnel that was waiting for me. Almost there but so out of reach. I felt hands on the hem of my shirt and then I was pulled, straight back into the darkness with no escape. 

A scream ripped from my throat as I lifted myself out the surface I was laying on. I was breathing quickly and my eyes were registering what was going on. They rested on Jungkook, who was talking and staring at me with concern. I watched him talk, but I was too spaced out to hear anything. 

“-Tae? Are you okay?” Jungkook’s voice flowed into my ears and I nodded my head. I realized that I was in a car and I looked ahead to see everyone looking at me, except Namjoon. “Are you okay, TaeTae?” Yoongi asked. I nodded my head but words weren’t prepared to come out. 

I rested into my seat and stared out the window. Jungkook wrapped an arm around me and I adjusted myself comfortably into my chest. I like that he was my comfort, I liked being comforted by him. 

I turned my head to press a small kiss on his cheek. I watched his smile form as he gave me one back. I looked at him for too long and I started to register how beautiful he is, and how much I like him. 

My stomach dropped at the pain I’m going to feel when this is over, this is truly going to hurt me and I’m so scared for it. I’ve never dealt with pain, only watched people go through it. 

I looked away, my thought process was getting too complicated. I used my other hand and held his hand, intertwining our fingers. It made me smile, if it’s not going to last forever, I’m going to cherish it now.


	22. Jungkook

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is so fucking flufffy I love it so much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys I promise to try and update more ! School has been really hard and I’m really busy ! Sorry !!

I turned my head to look at me and Taehyung's intertwined fingers. My heart filled with something warm, but I could also feel the rush of fear coming through. 

       Nothing last forever, right? No matter how bad you want it to and no matter how much you hope, deep down inside nothing is going to last forever. 

      I looked at Taehyung, and I can see his pretty brown eyes, his slightly puffy cheeks, and his pouty lips that I want to kiss all the time. Something about him is just so soft and pure, something about him is just so different from what I use to see. I use to want him as far away as possible, but now all I want to do is keep him safe with me. It's like I got a new pair of glasses, ones Chanyeol didn't fog up. 

      Taehyung turned to look at me, I could feel myself stop breathing as we made eye contact. Those pretty brown eyes staring deeply into mine, making me feel so vulnerable yet loved at the same time. 

       A smile spread across his face, one with teeth. His eyes closed and I could see his box smile, his white teeth shining through. He opened his eyes slightly again through his smile and looked at me again.

      "Jungkookie, something about you is just so cute." He laughed and poked at my cheek. 

I smiled. 

I'm going to keep hoping this last forever. 

        "Shut up, Tae." I said in a playful way and ran my fingers through his fluffy hair. "Are we almost there yet? I'm getting bored." Tae whined loudly. 

      "Yes, just occupy yourself." Jin answered. "How?" Taehyung whined again. "I don't know...ask Kook if he wants a quickie or something." Jin joked. 

      "Why do you want us to suffer?" Jimin asked and we laughed, even though my face was burning. "I haven't even seen his dick yet, y'all." Taehyung said rather loudly. 

      "God, please forgive our sins." Yoongi prayed. "I have no sins, I'm an innocent church boy." Jimin said and Taehyung snickered. "Sure, Mr. Threesome." Tae said. 

       "Threesome?" Yoongi said. "Threesome?" Namjoon said right after. "God, it was one time in highschool." Jimin answered. "More like 5." Taehyung whispered loud enough for everyone to hear. 

       "Tae!" Jimin whined. "Don't act like you're so innocent either." Jimin said and Taehyung hummed. "Never claimed I was, church boy." Tae retorted. 

       "The only innocent one here is Jungkookie, he's the purest." Namjoon said and everyone in the car agreed. 

       I started laughing when my mind flashed back to all the kinky games Chanyeol and I use to play. Me being innocent? Actually sounded pretty funny. 

       "Oh no, why is he laughing?" Yoongi asked. 

"Come on, Jungkookie, give us the goods." Tae begged. 

     "Let's just say my big, brown eyes just make me look innocent." I laughed. 

    The whole car groaned, except for Taehyung. He was surprisingly quiet after that remark. "How does a person ruin their own pure image?" Jimin questioned. "Hey, I never gave myself a pure image." I reminded them.

    Go to sleep, it's nap time for a fetus like you."   Jin said to me. 

"I'm 18, I'm not a-"

"Nap time!" Jin screamed playfully. 

      I shook my head and cuddle up with Taehyung. I closed my eyes and let sleep taking over.  
*****  
       When I opened my eyes, I realized we were at the arcade. Taehyung was softly shaking me awake and I looked up from where I was laying to smile at him. 

     "I could kiss you right now, you know?" Taehyung whispered with a small smile on his face. 

      "No ones stopping you." I teased, the same smile on my lips. 

       "Get up, Jungkook." Taehyung lifted my head from his lap. I got out the car and waited for Taehyung to get out also. I reached for his hand and intertwined our fingers. 

      They fit together perfectly, I thought. 

        "Alright, everyone gets a card. You can put like twenty dollars on it, also spend it wisely. I don't want anyone coming to me and whining about money." Namjoon told us. "Yes, daddy." Jimin said as a joke. 

       "Hey! You can only call me that." Yoongi said as joke. Taehyung and I started fake gagging and I could already see the weird stares we were attracting. 

       "I....whatever, go play." Namjoon said and didn't even think about what Jimin and Yoongi just kind of confessed. 

      "Come here." I heard Tae whisper in my ear. He pulled me towards a large box and I realized it was a photo booth. 

"You want to take pictures?" I asked. 

       Taehyung nodded before pulling me inside. We picked no filter and decided for the design to be the one with the hearts on the outside. 

     Actually, Taehyung picked it(but I had no complaints).

We made silly faces and Tae even kissed my cheek in one. In the last one, we made sure both of us smiled. I took one and so did Taehyung, we giggled amongst ourselves as we stared at the funny faces we had made. 

“What do you want to do now?” I asked Taehyung and I watched him think for a minute. I noticed an idea come to his head when he brightened up. 

“Um...lets play hockey.” He suggested. “Hockey?” I asked. “I know the arcade is big, but I don’t see anywhere to play hockey.” I laughed. 

“No, stupid! Table hockey.” Taehyung laughed and we made our way over to the hockey table. 

I noticed how competitive we are. Every time one scored, the other scored immediately after. We were currently tied with six to six. Our friends had crowded around us to watch the intense match. 

“Namjin for Jungkook!” Namjoon cried. 

 

“Yoonmin for Tae!” Jimin screamed. 

“Come on guys, don’t distract Taehyung. He needs all the concentration he can get.” I made a playful joke. “Awe...cute insult Kookie. It’s almost as cute as me destroying your ass in this game.” Taehyung smirked

“The only time you’d ever destroy my ass.”

“Shut the fuck up, you bottom bitch.” 

I gasped loudly and looked up at Taehyung in shock, that’s when he made his winning goal. Jimin, Tae, and Yoongi all cheered and gave each other high fives. 

Jin slapped me across the head and Namjoon shook his head at me. “Really? That’s what you lost to? Bottom bitch?” Jin laughed. 

“That’s true bottom behavior.” Jimin sighed. 

Taehyung and I made eye contact and that’s when I couldn’t hold in my laughter anymore. It shook through my body and the next thing I knew, we were both on the floor dying of laughter!

Despite everything that has happened, this is the happiest I’ve seen Taehyung. 

That made me really happy.   
*****  
We were driving to campus and singing songs by Beyoncé. 

“Remember those walls I built.” Jimin screamed. 

“Well, baby they’re tumbling down.” Jin sang. 

“They didn’t even put up a fight!” Taehyung yelled. 

“They didn’t even make a sound.” Yoongi sang, making his voice extra deep. 

Everyone kept singing, making sure to sang the chorus actually loud. 

When the song was over, I had tears in my eyes from laughing at them trying to hit the high notes. “God, this car really is full of gays.” Yoongi joked. 

“Pull over!” Taehyung yelled. Namjoon immediately pulled into the field he was talking about. He stopped the car and quickly looked back. 

“What is it? What’s wrong?” Namjoon asked. “Nothing, this is just a really nice spot.” Taehyung said. I looked out the window to see flowers and a clear star filled sky. It was really pretty out here. 

“Alright. let’s go,” Jin unbuckled his seatbelt. “Everyone but Taehyung and Jungkook.” Jin turned around and winked at us. 

“Sounds good.” Yoongi said before hopping out the car. 

I mean...I wasn’t really complaining either. 

When I realized everyone was gone, I looked back at Taehyung. He wasn’t looking at me, he was lost in his own train of thought. I couldn’t see his face all the way, but there was a glimpse of moonlight that perfectly hit him and I could make out his facial features. 

Taehyung looked at me and I could tell he was smiling, it made my heart melt. “We’ve come so far, Kookie.” Taehyung said, his voice was soft and deep. “What do you mean, baby?” I asked, the nickname rolled off my tongue like an instinct. 

Taehyung smiled more, but shook his head. “Us. Me and you. We’re here. We understand each other and we don’t fight anymore.” Tae laughed. “I’m glad.” I said quickly. “Me too. More than you believe.” Taehyung smiled and I couldn’t help from one spreading across my face. 

I jumped in front of the seats and turned on the top window. It pulled back and revealed stars. The stars shined brightly in the darkened sky. 

Taehyung jumped into the seat next me and pulled the seat down, we were practically laying in the car. 

“Wow, I’ve never seen a night sky look like this.” Tae sounded astonished. 

I looked at the stars and back at him. The moonlight glow was even brighter on his skin now and I could clearly see his face. His smooth, honey skin that I wanted to run my fingers across. His adorable, almond eyes that had long lashes attached to them. I could see his plump, pink lips and when I looked closely I could see the small mole. 

That night, Taehyung thought the sky was breathtakingly beautiful. 

That night, I was more focused on how breathtakingly beautiful he was. 

I had such an urge to kiss him, to want to just have in my arms safe and sound. I always feared wanting someone again, but I swallowed it for him. 

“Tae...” I whispered but I trailed off. I couldn’t explain what I wanted in words, but my actions could. 

I grabbed his cheek when he turned to look at me. 

“Jungkook?”

“Yes?

“Do you know where we are?”

I shook my head no. 

“This is the place where you first looked at me like I was a human being and...” He trailed off. 

“And?” Why was my heart beating so fast?

“And...where I think my feelings began for you.”

I couldn’t help but kiss him afterwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed my lil fluff chapter <3 sorry it was so short


	23. Taehyung

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is slightly nsfw because fuck it lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long, i lost motivation

Our lips fit together perfectly, I thought. I felt drunk on the feeling of our lips pressing and letting go. His lips were as soft as they looked and his hand against my cheek felt so warm. It felt perfect, I can't remember the last time I felt something when I kissed someone. 

      Something in me felt warm inside, like my insides were on fire. I felt safe knowing the hand he had on my side wasn't trying to undress me, he was only going to do things I was okay with. 

      We let go to breathe and there were heavy, deep breathing from both of us. I finally looked up to meet his eyes and I recognized that stare. That's how he stared at me the last time we were here, that fiery passion. 

         "Something....something about you is so amazing." Jungkook whispered and I could feel my insides turning. I wanted to throw up but in such a good way. 

      No one has ever made me feel special before, not even people who actually liked me. Everyone I've ever hooked up with has just been seen as a body to me, a body that wants to use mine. Everyone was seen as a way to get pleasure. 

      I admit at first Jungkook was a body to me, I wanted to fuck him.

      Now...now it's so much more than that. I want to just wrap myself into his strong arms and have him hold me there and kiss my forehead from time to time. It's almost unreal how fast he made my heart beat. 

       I ran my fingers along his perfect face. I could see acne, but it just made him so much more real to me. 

      "Everything about you is amazing." I whispered back. Jungkook smiled, that precious bunny like smile he has. 

"Stop." Jungkook said suddenly. 

"Stop what?"

"Stop being so fucking cute."

That made me laugh. 

      "I'm serious! I'm gonna fall in love with you one day, you're dangerous." Jungkook joked but it made my breath hitch. 

"I...I wouldn't mind." I looked anywhere but him. 

        "Fine, but promise you'll fall in love with me." Jungkook laughed. 

       I have never been comfortable with the thought of falling in love with people and being that vulnerable. 

      Looking at the way Jungkook is laughing to himself and looking so fucking beautiful without even trying, I could...maybe, possibly, perhaps, fall in love with him too.

      "Promise." I held out my pinky for him. He linked our pinkies and then our fingers, and made sure they were intertwined. 

       "Promise." Jungkook smiled widely. 

"Kook...I know I'm not ready for a relationship but I can't think of anyone I'd rather date than you." I said seriously. "I'll be here waiting for you, baby." Jungkook answered. 

"Gosh, what have I done to deserve you?" I asked to no one in particular. I looked at Jungkook smiling and pressed a kiss to his lips. 

"Can we do that all the time?" Jungkook asked as I pulled back. I nodded shyly before kissing him again, but slower this time. 

This one was slower and more passionate. It was like this kiss was the only thing that connected us and neither of us wanted to let go. It was genuine and pure, something I never had. 

I slowly let my tongue into his mouth out of instinct. Jungkook let out a small whine and pulled back. I instantly felt bad for moving to fast. 

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have. I'm-"

"Shut up, please." Jungkook said softly before connecting our lips again. This kiss was more needy, it ignited a different fire in me. 

I put my hands underneath his shirt and rub my finger around his nipple. A soft moan left his pink lips. 

I pulled back and looked at his face twisting in pleasure as he thrusted his hips into nothing. "Are you a bottom?" I whispered in his ear and tugged at it. "Fu- yes, Taehyung." Jungkook let out a whine in my ear. 

I placed my thigh in between his legs and almost moaned at him instantly thrusting against it.

       "Tae...Tae." Jungkook moaned out and I literally almost came in my pants. 

        "Hey." I stopped his movements by holding his hips. 

      Jungkook let out a loud whine and wow, that's fucking hot. I almost...almost let him do as he pleased. 

     "Please...I'll be good. Don't stop me, please." Jungkook begged in my ear. I flipped us over so that I was on top of him. I held his wrists in one hand and held his hip down with the other. 

     "You don't know," I let out a moan as I started to grind down into him. "How badly," I moaned louder as Jungkook started to messily thrust up. "I want to fuck your precious face into this car." I groaned when Jungkook let out an incredibly loud moan. 

       I slowed my movements, trying to control myself. "But...I want to take my time with you. I'd rather fuck your pretty face into my bed than have someone interrupt us in the car." I stopped completely. 

       "Understand, baby?" I whispered and Jungkook nodded. "Yes...yes I understand." He said and I rolled off of him. There was a silence between us but it wasn't uncomfortable. 

"Tae?" 

"Yeah?"

        "When we do fuck...can we go slow at first? Like don't get me wrong, it would totally be hot if you fucked my face into your mattress, but for the first time...I want to look at your face." Jungkook said in a small whisper. 

       "Jungkook...you're so fucking cute. Yes, baby, we'll do whatever makes you comfortable." I smiled at him when he smiled back. 

        "Thank you." Jungkook leaned forward and pecked my lips.

I could actually feel my heart swirl.

"Should we go join the others? I'm scared I might literally jump you." Jungkook suggested and I laughed. "Yeah, lets go do that." I said and we got out the car. 

We walked, holding hands, to the little circle our friends formed. I sat down first and Junglook, unexpectedly, sat down on my lap. 

I smiled and wrapped my arms around his tiny waist. I rested my chin on his shoulder and I could breathe in his scent. Something about this was so content feeling. 

"Hello, other gays. You finally joined us, huh?" Yoongi teased. "Be quiet, Yoons." Jimin kissed him on the lips, causing Yoongi to blush. 

"Look what you've done, we were having normal conversation." Jin shook his head at me. 

"Wha-"

"Anyways," Namjoon cut me off. "This year is going to end soon." He stated and that caught me off guard. "Oh yeah, Taehyung's birthday is coming up!" Jimin said with glee. "Huh? Why didn't you tell me?" Jungkook turned to look at me.

"I guess with all that's been going on, I forgot about my birthday this year." I said truthfully. "Well, we're going to celebrate! I'm throwing a party!" Jungkook smiled widely. 

"You're like the most antisocial person I know, how are you going to throw a party with only 6 people?" Jin snorted. 

"Well...um...we have other friends! There's Jennie's group and also Youngjae's group." Jungkook insisted. "I can invite Chanyeol, Baekhyung, and Sehun." Jimin said with a shrug. "Oh god, that couple?" Yoongi started fake gagging. 

"Hey! They kiss way too much, but they're super cute." Jungkook glared at Yoongi playfully. "Sehun is going to be up Jungkook's ass the entire party." Jin giggled. 

That definitely caught my attention. 

"Huh? What do you mean?" I asked. "I wouldn't do it." Jimin whispered but everyone heard it. "It's nothing, Sehun's a flirt. Everyone knows that." Jin smiled at me, looking a little frightened. "Yeah, but why did you mention Kookie specifically?" I questioned. 

"Moving on! What do you even want to do for your birthday, Tae?" Namjoon caught off the conversation. 

If I'm being truthful, I haven't given my birthday thought at all. All the shitty things that happened this year have consumed most of my thought process. Hoseok this and almost getting assaulted that. It's like I can't think of anything besides that and Jungkook, I'm surprised I'm passing my classes. 

"Um, a party sounds nice. I just want close friends there, nothing big." I said. 

At this point, I just wanted to be surrounded by people I loved and cared about. I use to be all about that wild shit, but it's so weird how things can completely change you. I use to hate love, and honestly I still do, but I got over that hatred for Jungkook. 

He's changed me so much, it's crazy. 

      "Wild Taehyung ain't so wild no more." Jimin winked at me. "Nah, I like my calm lifestyle. I actually think I need calm in my life right now." I sighed and rested my cheek against Jungkook's shoulder. 

        "Man, you should've saw Taehyung, Jungkook. I don't think I ever saw him go home alone after parties." Yoongi snorted. "Really, now?" Jungkook said. 

        "Yeah, he once got up on a table and yelled, "Who's tryna fuck tonight?". I saw everyone scream yes, even girls." Jimin said and I blushed in embarrassment. 

        "Cool...can we shut up now." I said in a muffled voice from behind Jungkook's back. "Fine, what about you, Jungkook? What's your wild stories?" Jin asked in a teasing tone. 

       I looked at Jungkook and saw his face turn red, now I was curious. "Um...well...I had an ex, that...well like to play kinky games with me." Jungkook stuttered out. Everyone collectively gasped, and loudly. 

"Huh?" Namjoon gasped. 

"He...he what?" Jin exclaimed. 

"I knew he was a kinky fuck, it's always the quiet ones." Yoongi mumbled to himself. 

"Taehyung is going to fall in love with you so hard." Jimin giggled. 

"Please explain." I said the one thing they all failed to say. 

        "Well, you got to promise not to look at me differently after this." Jungkook said shyly. We all nodded and waited for him to go on. 

         "Well, my ex and I were into a lot of things. I have a lot of kinks and so did he, so naturally we explored. I was into pa-pain...and he was into...well, giving me pain." Jungkook became so flustered that he put his face in his hands. 

         "No, no, no! You got to finish the story now." Jin said, clearly interested. I looked around and saw that everyone was interested. I guess everyone wanted to see past Jungkook's cute and shy exterior. 

         "Fine," Jungkook said with a smile. "So basically...He's s-spank me and call me dirty names. Don't worry I liked it! It was m-my kink after all. I called him da-d-daddy...and he liked putting vibrators in my- in my ass. During public, we'd mess around like that. He would...uh...make me ask him to come and like sometimes give me punishments. He knew I liked it rough and fast, so, like...as a punishment, he would go really slow until I cried." Jungkook swallowed. 

         "But...um...that's pretty much it." Jungkook said and I could see his bunny smile from the side I was looking at. 

       "Yo, what the fuck?" Jimin exclaimed loudly. I could already see Jungkook put his head down in shame. I felt bad watching him fiddled nervously with his fingers. I slipped my hand into his and squeezed them. 

       "Jungkook, sweetie, I'm not kinkshaming you. That all sounds hot, but how...how do you find a guy like that? I thought Yoo-"

      A hand slapped over Jimin's mouth and Yoongi was glaring at him. He turned back and laughed nervously. 

     "Anyway...how did you look so innocent telling that story? Like, did I really hear what I just heard? Did you really do all that?" Yoongi asked and Jungkook nodded. 

       Something about that made jealousy burn in my stomach. The urge to be the greatest fuck Jungkook's ever had was strong. I wanted to have him crying and begging underneath me.

I looked at Jimin, who was already looking at me. He winked at me and smiled, and I knew he could see my jealousy. 

“Anyway...who’s got more stories?” Yoongi said with a nervous laugh.   
********

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading !! Tell me what you think :)!!


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